[Gigi12]

I never thought I’d ever experience this however I became involved with a married man. Let me explain.

I had not been sexually active since July and by September I was ready for a good time. Living in a large city I knew I was bound to meet someone who I could potentially hookup with for a one night stand. However, I decided to take the easier most efficient way through Craigslist. I created a straight forward post regarding my sexual desire and within minutes I received dozens on emails. I decided to answer (let’s call him C). He came over after exchanging numbers and my one night stand had begun. After he left I didn’t think much of it other than I finally got laid. A three days later I receive a text from the same guy almost not remembering who he is, asking if I was free. From then on C would come over for sex and then leave after an hour.

We continued to do this every week, sometimes once a week others twice a week. C would always come over to my place whether it be day or night. Between the middle of October and middle of November I became very busy so it was difficult to see him. One day though, I went to his place which was a first considering he always came to me.

When I came in I immediately noticed things that represented what looked like a typical family home. I could have questioned him about it right then and there but I didn’t. C had previously told me he had roommates and the only reason I was able to go to his place was because no one was there. So while he’s showering as I wait for him to join me in bed, I go back to the front door I receive my phone and notice many things that indicate a child and mother live there. It really didn’t phase me as I was too excited about getting laid after a month.

Two hours later and while I’m getting dressed we converse and he informs me of an interview he has going on later that day and he asks me general questions about my family. I soon leave, and once out of the apt I decide to look up his number. Connect one dot to another and turns out he’s a married man.

Now, I would never ever get involved with a married man had I known that. So I wait for him to message me a few days later and I let him know we can no longer have sex anymore. I told him I found out about his wife and he explained to me that he is in a sexless marriage that they no longer sleep in the same bed which has been going on for about a year and that all they do is argue. At first I thought he could simply be lying just to keep me as a sexual partner, however I believe he was telling the truth because he would show up at my place anytime during the day as well as the night even in the middle of the night and I believe if they were physically, romantically, or emotionally still involved with each other in anyway or even sleeping in the same bed he would not be able to get away with that clearly.

So we continue to be sexual partners that we always had however I realize that I started developing feelings for him and these feelings emerged before I found out he was married because I thought; this man is in his late 30s he’s attractive he’s a great partner the chemistry is amazing and he’s just very fun to talk to so why is he single? Even if he were single and he wasn’t married I know that nothing would have transpired from our sexual arrangement because we both came into this just looking for sex and I more specifically only expecting one night stand. But I wouldn’t feel as stupid as I do now knowing that if he were single it wouldn’t be as much of an uncomfortable situation.

Then one day I come over for a second night to his apartment and it turns out that his wife and child had gone away for the week so I came over for the entire night and we pretty much pulled an all nighter which was for his convenience because he had a lot to do the next morning and just decided that he wasn’t going to sleep all night. Again we had sex pretty much the whole night but there was one occasion where I felt that it was time for me to leave because I felt like I had overstayed my welcome (and it was odd to stay because he would always leave no later than ten minutes after sex when coming over to my place) but he told me not to leave and he said that I was fine he told me to just get comfortable just relax I didn’t have to leave just yet so I sat back down but before I did I asked him why he was in the situation he was with his wife. I asked him why he felt the need to stay in a marriage as the one he calls miserable and that they are both stuck in. So we spent the next 45 minutes conversing about his marriage basically from the minute they got engaged up until this point in time and I was very surprised as well as he because I did not expect for him to be so open with me especially with someone he just had sex with on the side. He was also very surprised that I was just sitting there patiently listening to him but at the same time it was nice to hear someone talk about their life in their experiences and even their struggles to me I felt like I was talking to a friend and so it was nice just having that conversation.

At one point we got into a conversation about jobs and finances and I asked him about an interview he had the first time I came to his apartment when I found out he was married and he was shocked that I remembered his job interview and he was happy that I remembered and he gave me a kiss and he was just very flattered which I really thought nothing of but just kind of intrigues me the way he responded towards that.

I know it is wrong to be involved with a married man whether or not he and his wife are separated. However he and I both know that the sex was amazing the chemistry is great which he always mentions and at times he would tell me oh I miss you I can’t wait to see you but I clearly know that he just means he misses the sex.

Also the second night that I came over and we stayed up the whole night right after sex at one point he suddenly out of nowhere asked me to describe my childhood,where I see myself in a few years if I plan on staying in New York if I want to stay in New York what type of job I want to get because I consider our involvement no strings attached because we never really converse and when we do it was usually no more than a 2 to 5 minute conversation and then he would leave my apartment and we would go our separate ways and carry on with our day so it was just odd that he was starting to ask me all these questions out of nowhere literally les then ten seconds after sex I kid you not.

I recently saw him about three weeks ago and I’m not sure when the next time I will see him however I would like to know based off of everything that I’ve described should I just simply end this through text message or should I explain to him why am ending this in person?

I know this is not right because he’s married and it does not matter if he and his wife have been sleeping in separate beds for a year and have been arguing and haven’t had sex more than 10 times in 10 years however he is still married so it is wrong and now I need to do the right thing and this arrangement or what ever it is needs to end.

Now I’ve developed a few feelings for him and unlike most women I think I am handling this very well I am going to end this however I would like your thoughts April and others are welcome 🙂

Again I know he is a married man but I am just genuinely curious do the signs mean that there’s a possibility he may like me the same way or he was just genuinely being friendly and just telling me about his marital struggles and asking me questions about my life which I don’t think any friends with benefits fuck buddy or no strings attached partner has ever asked me. Again he acknowledges several times that we have great chemistry and that the sex is great. However this needs to stop and I would like some advice on how to go about it as well as your thoughts and opinions on his actions towards me as well as my own.

[AskApril Masini]

He likes having sex with you, and I’m sure he likes you, and he really appreciates that you’re okay with the arrangement. If you’re asking if there’s a chance he’ll leave his wife for you, the answer is no. You can tell how much a guy likes you by his behavior. If he treats you like a girlfriend, then you’ll know that he wants you to be a girlfriend. This guy doesn’t. He doesn’t take you out or introduce you to his friends. He just has sex with you. The relationship is very well defined.

If you do want to stop seeing him, then just do it. This isn’t someone you met at a party, have mutual friends with, or will see at work. He’s a guy who answered your Craigslist ad for sex. You don’t owe him anything other than a text or an e-mail. This isn’t the kind of relationship where you break up with an explanation. You just decide that you don’t want to see him any more.

And don’t forget… a guy who answered your ad for sex on Craigslist, and didn’t tell you he was married, probably answered a few other ads as well, and there’s a very strong chance he’s seeing other women the same way he is you. I only mention this so you don’t romanticize the relationship or get hurt.

I hope this helps. If you do write in again, let me know your age, and any other questions you have.

[Gigi12]

Thanks so much for your reply. Now that you have put everything into perspective, I think I was over analyzing the situation. You’re right, I don’t owe him any explanation especially some guy from Craigslist.

I genuinely do feel bad for him and his situation but it’s not my problem. Thanks April!
Also I am 21, college student. I think I’m going to stick to single men and monogamous relationships.

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome. And be careful!

[Member]

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