[ret1234]

Sorry for the bad grammar, run on sentences, and long post 😡

I had been dating my ex boyfriend for a year and a half. We met in school and he was always very in to me even though at first I didn’t like him. We are both 24 years old. The reason I didn’t want to date him at first is because I wasn’t attracted to him and he is immature. At first there was a lot of drama because one of my friends was really into him but he wasn’t even though his flirtaious attitude led her to believe that he might be slightly interested. It was a big drama because he was always after me at all times until one day I decided to give him a chance because he seemed like a good guy even though very immature. All of my friends expected it to happen since the beginning except of course the friend that had a crush on him. I talked to her before dating him and told her how I felt but things got very awkward between us and she never really let that go. Anyways he knew that friendship was important to me and he always told me how sorry he was that even though he told her he wasnt interested she kept thinking that he was. (Drama #1)

Anyways we started dating after that for 1.5 years which has been my longest relationship and the most I have ever invested in any relationship whats so ever. My first time I had sex with someone, my first time I trusted a partner like I trusted him. Ive been through a lot of things in life and sometimes my attitude wasn’t the best because I have let those things take over me at times even though I never noticed. So sometimes I felt like I was too hard on him or maybe even rude at times. But he never got mad at me for any of that. He’s the type of guy who doesn’t like confrontation or arguments so he avoids them at all cost. So even if he didn’t like something about the relationship he NEVER sat down with me to have a conversation about anything that he needed me to change about myself.

In the last few months he’s attitude towards me was the same, always showed me the same affection, the same love. We had a huge argument about some girl in his class that took a picture with him grabbing on to some beads that he was wearing at a party that I couldn’t attend because i was studying. This girl at the time had a boyfriend, the girl came out grabbing his bead and making a very slutty page and the slut went on to tag him on his fb and he even liked the picture. After I talked to him and told him how disrespectful and inappropriate that picture was he went on to un liking it and deleting it from his page. (this is the small version of the argument I basically told him that if he ever did something like that I would break up with him)

A month Later on we went on a trip and he told me how he was never going to go anywhere. That he would never hurt me and that he would always be there for me. Time passed we went on another trip for a week. During that trip everything was fine , we met a couple hung out with them for most of the days. They even mentioned how in loved he looked and what a nice guy he was. During the trip we were going to bed one night after a few drinks and I asked him how much he loved me and he usually goes ahead and tells me how he loves me so much he can’t even say but this time he told me that he wanted to put his last name in mine. I was a little shocked because first of all I never insinuated anything about marriage anytime soon and never really pressured him into talking about the subject. So we just cuddled for a while and then went to bed.

A week after that same trip we were having little arguments here and there and he usually apologizes for something he did wrong but this time he didn’t. He was moving a day after we got back and told me not to come that his friends were going to help him out and that I should rest that it was mostly heavy lifting. During that same week it was his bday and he had to pick up his parents the day off so we couldn’t really do anything that day. He never really mentioned any plans of celebrating it which i thought it was weird so i started acting weird and being dry with him. Setting that aside, I put away my pride and decided to surprise him the day of his bday and brought him cake and balloon to school which he loved and thanked me. things were still somewhat awaked between us and i kept being dry and he kept being dry. Until I asked him if we could please speak in private for at least 5 minutes cause i felt that he has been avoiding me.

He comes sees me and i started telling him that I felt that he didn’t care about the relationship that i felt that he was avoiding me that he dint even want to do anything with me the day of his bday. SO he starts telling me that he doesn’t know why he feels that way that HES NOT FEELING THE SAME. Right now my mind and heart are completely racing I wasn’t expecting him to say that at all. This is coming from a person that would literally do anything for me at any time even during that last week, I couldn’t understand. Then I asked him if he had anybody else and of course he said no. That he just doesn’t even want to try that he doesn’t feel the same and doesn’t know why. So he asks me what I wanted to do and I told him that i was leaving it up to him that I wasn’t happy that I don’t know why he wasn’t even putting any effort. Then I asked him if he wanted time and he ask me if I wanted time and I told him no that I know what I wanted. He just sits there crying telling me that he thinks if he’s not going to be 100% that he thinks we should break up. So I told him okay have a nice life and lead him to the door of my house almost pushing him out.

I still didn’t realize that we had broken up so i wait 2 days and text him if he didn’t miss me. He texted me back being super dry after 30 minutes of seeing the message and tells me that he doesn’t think we should talk anymore. that he is sorry for hurting me and that someone else would be very lucky to have me. This again is coming from someone who was 100% more committed and “seemed more in love” than me at all times (even towards the end). I was devastated.

A week passes and he starts going out a lot basically with all the sluts in his class the ones he didn’t like because they were “slutty”. I also asked him that if we could talk again alone (friday) that i needed to see him in person. He agreed to see me and I asked him again what happened and he kept saying that he does know why he feels like that and that he cared about me but didn’t care at all about the relationship and didn’t see me in his future. That there was no one else that he doesn’t know why. So i just gave up and told him it was alright that idk why he felt that way but if there was something that i could have changed about me or my attituded that he should have told me. but he said it wasn’t that. that he knew how i was from the beginning and that he knows I’ve gone through a lot in the past and recently. I left everything good we said goodbye and that was it.

MOVING ONTO THE NEXT DAY (Saturday) My friend saw him at a school even which was in a club and she had some words with him apprearantly about how he was an asshole (don’t know why she did that bc i specifically told my friends not to do that) but anyways turns out that he sent her a fb message the other day asking her if she gave him a hickie. That she was the only girl she spoke to and he doesn’t remember who gave it to him but he thinks its her. WTF IS WRONG WITH HIM? She tells him no.I found this out like 1 month after like an idiot because my friend didn’t want to tell me because she didn’t want to make me feel bad.

Another friend of mine tells me that he texted the friend I was first talking about (the friend I lost over him) that had a crush on him on the beginning of the school year that he was sorry of making her feel that he liked her. HE texted her asking her about “another pretty girl in my class” saying who was the pretty girl from our class. Why would he text her after knowing all that she went through with him. knowing that it hurt me loosing her frienship because he was immature and stupid. After knowing how I felt about the whole situation. Mind you he knew who “the pretty girl was”. why would he even text this friend asking that I don’t understand how someone can be so cynical and cruel.

Last thing I found out that the girl who he made out with was the same girl of the picture that she was being super slutty in. Mind you not because of anything but this girl is the complete opposite of me slutty, ugly face, ugly body (Sorry don’t mean to make me look cocky but its the absolute true) I was actually disgusted that he would even dare touch this girl. She is sooooooooooo disgusting and ugly. He also told me that he would never cheat on me because his last gf cheated on him and he didn’t forgive her.

this guy passes me in school and says hi to me and before tells me how sorry he was that he didn’t mean to lie to me or hurt me. I forgave him why would he go a day after and just stab me in that back and keep stabbing me in the back. I can’t believe he has no resppect for me but more for himself. to me that goes beyond immaturity thats just cruel.

I just don’t understand how someone that called me his best friend, that always showed me love and respect until the last week can be like this. I Don’t understand, He never tried to contact me again in any way. I just want to make him disappear but i can because we go to the same school and i always bump into him. its so annoying and i just feel so bad and sad because I feel so betrayed. I know I need to change the way i say things and even slow down sometimes with my temper. But i know that is just one of my weaknesses and I have so much more to offer I am faithful, respectful, loving, compassionate god i have so many good qualities i don’t understand (sounding cocky again and super dramatic lol sorry )

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m sorry you’re hurt. Breakups are painful. There’s no way around it.

What I think you need to learn from this breakup is that people’s feelings do change. The commitment you had with your boyfriend of a year and a half, ended because he lost interest and is now playing the field. Commitments end. Marriages end! Divorces happen, and yes, people breakup. They say things that are true in the moment, and not so true in the next. Life is not static. It’s fluid. 😉 Sometimes guys said they love you just to get you into bed — and sometimes they say it because they mean it, and then it fades away. It doesn’t mean they’re bad people. It just means you have to understand the way human nature works so you can make choices in your own life and protect yourself, without giving up your joy of life in a way that you balance things.

Right now, your feelings are hurt, and you’re trying to hold onto what he said when he was into you, and make that stick today. It doesn’t. 😳 This is probably particularly painful because it’s a first relationship in many ways, and your feelings are so much more vibrant. But my advice to you is to focus on yourself, not him. Exclude him from your social media, and don’t contact him. Do things that you enjoy and if you feel sorry for yourself, go see a friend, or ask someone how they’re doing. Volunteer at a shelter, a hospital, a political cause you care about — or something or someone who has problems that are more acute than yours. I’m not meaning to denigrate your feelings. They’re important, but if you give yourself a perspective, you’ll feel less like a victim, and more like someone who’s been through a breakup, is healing, and looking forward to playing the field and meeting her Mr. Right. 😀

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and if you have any more questions, please ask.

[ret1234]

I understand that he is playing the field.
Friend #1I just don’t understand how he would try to insinuate that my friend gave him a hickey when he knew that it wasn’t her. Why even bother sending my friend a fb message the day after the club asking her if she gave him a hickey and saying that she was the only girl he talked to when clearly that wasn’t the case. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. How can someone be so stupid.

Friend #2 how he tried contacting again another friend of mine asking her about the cute italian girl from my class when he knows exactly who the italian girl was. knowing that this friend of mine had feelings for him before we even started dating. This friend of mine doesn’t even talk to me like before neither does she talk to him. As a matter of fact she avoids him completely and they kind of avoid each other. I don’t mind that he is playing the field but why does he have to get involved with my friends or insinuate things about them that are not true. Just doesn’t make sense when there is so much other field to play around with. Why does he have to do it around my group of friends. Seems kind of assholish.

I know im beating my head with this too much and he clearly isn’t the one for me its just god i didn’t see any of that coming. 😮

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I know you didn’t see it coming — and I completely understand that you’re hurt, angry, and going over and over what happened in your head, still. But… it really is time to move on. You’ll feel better when you put your focus elsewhere. 😉

[Member]

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