[dymdeva]

Hi April, I just wanted to know if Im being unreasonable.

My BF has a 7 year old son who is mildy retarded. The kid is VERY hard to deal with. He is very needy and when he is around I cannot do anything else…He needs to be reminded constantly to not run, not yell, not touch things, not break things, not jump, not destroy my sons room, scatter his toys, etc…etc…he asks a million questions and needs help with everything! His slow ways are cute and he is a loving and affectionate child. My only problem is my BF tends to drop him over my house without calling to ask me first, and then stays gone all day! I take my kid to school and he is in an after school program so that i can be free to relax on my off days. Unfortunately its seems like my off days are the days when BF drops off his son! (Who should have went to school, but he’s getting over a cold and needed to stay home one more day) But he COULD have went to school.
Now the child is with me at my home coughing with his mouth open in my sons room all over my sons toys! My son has a compromised immune system already, and to add to the situation now I feel like I’m getting sick! I just think its wrong to burden someone else with this type of situation, even if your in a relationship with them. I think he should have the common courtesy to not impose that on me… especially after not asking, and then to be gone all day!!! Then he’ll come and get his son right when its time for me to get my son, and they just leave. When my son comes home I am burned out and not refreshed to deal with my own child. I mean my BF does watch my son from time to time, but I ask him first and come right back, and my son is easier to manage and is very independant!
p.s we both have unconventional jobs where we make our own hours….

[Anonymous]

Its going to be hard, but you just need to be honest with him. You are just going to have to tell him that he needs to give you the common courtesy of a phone call in advance. Tell him in a nice way, that you feel like you are in a situation where you are the bad guy if you say no but that you are not always physically and mentally up for the challenge of babysitting his son especially without proper notice. You are not a daycare, you have your own children and responsibilities. It sounds like he may take you for granted maybe without realizing. For all he knows you could have appointments that day or maybe you would just like a day off. Explain to him that you shouldn’t have to feel guilty by wanting some “me” time and that you don’t mind helping him out but there are times when you are not going to feel like or are not going to want to do it and that he needs to have a plan B if you can’t come through and that this understanding works both ways. You wouldn’t really want him to watch your child if didn’t really want to. Kids know too, I always did. Good Luck!

[dymdeva]

Thanks for the reply! I truly agree with what you’ve said. But let me reiterate one thing: when he drops the baby off he doesnt SAY ANYTHING… he just comes over with him, and then leaves after ten minutes. While leaving his child behind. Its not like he even ASKS me once he’s there! And I feel bad, because I try to act cheery around the kid but I get so upset about having to watch him in the first place, that he probably can tell somewhat. And I like the guy and want to make it work, so I would hate for him to think that I just dont like his kid…
Also, he is in contact with the child’s mother, so why not have her stay home from work? Why Me? The mother probably doesnt even know that he leaves the child with me in this manner… I’m so frustrated!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let me know how things are going for you…. 😀

[Member]

Posts