[dymdeva]

Hi April, I just wanted to know if Im being unreasonable.

My BF has a 7 year old son who is mildy retarded. The kid is VERY hard to deal with. He is very needy and when he is around I cannot do anything else…He needs to be reminded constantly to not run, not yell, not touch things, not break things, not jump, not destroy my sons room, scatter his toys, etc…etc…he asks a million questions and needs help with everything! His slow ways are cute and he is a loving and affectionate child. My only problem is my BF tends to drop him over my house without calling to ask me first, and then stays gone all day! I take my kid to school and he is in an after school program so that i can be free to relax on my off days. Unfortunately its seems like my off days are the days when BF drops off his son! (Who should have went to school, but he’s getting over a cold and needed to stay home one more day) But he COULD have went to school.
Now the child is with me at my home coughing with his mouth open in my sons room all over my sons toys! My son has a compromised immune system already, and to add to the situation now I feel like I’m getting sick! I just think its wrong to burden someone else with this type of situation, even if your in a relationship with them. I think he should have the common courtesy to not impose that on me… especially after not asking, and then to be gone all day!!! Then he’ll come and get his son right when its time for me to get my son, and they just leave. When my son comes home I am burned out and not refreshed to deal with my own child. I mean my BF does watch my son from time to time, but I ask him first and come right back, and my son is easier to manage and is very independant!
p.s we both have unconventional jobs where we make our own hours….

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You need to use boundaries. What your boyfriend is doing is inconsiderate and disrespectful. However, rather than create drama, [i]calmly and firmly [/i]tell him that you can no longer take care of his son unless he’s given you 24 hours notice and you’ve agreed ahead of time to watch his son. Tell him that if he brings the boy over without getting your okay first, then you just won’t be able to take him. And….you have to stick to that rule.

If he continues to show up with his son without warning, then you have to say, with a smile on your face — “I’m so sorry, but I already have plans today, and I can’t take care of your son! I’d love to see him when I’m free — call me in advance next time so we can all be on the same page!” Then shut the door.

If he’s a good guy, he’ll get it and change his behavior. If he’s not a good guy, and gets resentful then you’ve figured out that this is not someone with whom you should move forward in a relationship. It’s not fair to you, your son, or his son to continue the dynamic you’ve both been engaged in.

I know this is going to be a little tough for you but if you don’t do it, things are going to get worse.

Good luck! 🙂

[Avril Mae]

I think you need to teach your boyfriend on how to communicate properly. He needs to give you a heads-up before bringing his son to your home. That’s one part of respect. Don’t give up for now and try to have a deep talk to your boyfriend regarding your set-up to his son. If he repeat those unrespectful action, then go ahead and split up with him.

[Member]

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