[maanoo]

Hi,

To make this as short as possible, I was with my girlfriend for a year and I was a real jerk to her, I wasn’t showing her love or caring for her most of the time.

After 1 year I came to my senses and realized what a jerk I was and apologized and asked for her forgiveness and became the best boyfriend I could ever be with her. After 2 months I found out that she was talking to another guy and flirting with him and exchanging pics.

She stopped talking to him after I found out and she really hates him now as he has confessed everything and she was lying all the time until I proved to her with evidence that she is lying.

At this time I wasn’t able to trust her again and told her that I can’t trust her anymore and my feelings for her are mixed with hatred.

It’s now 4 months since we broke up and I feel that I came through it a lot and can start a new relationship with her again, that’s not the problem, the problem is that she is afraid and not willing to try again and thinks that we’re not good for each other and that we do fight a lot. She says that’s her feelings not just towards me, but towards all men.

I know in my guts that I can make it work and I do love her and want to forgive her as she did to me but she doesn’t believe in that. At this time we’re really good friends and we do talk almost daily but that’s it, nothing more. She considers me as a friend but I need more than that.

My life is really miserable, any advice would be really appreciated.

Thank you.

[AskApril Masini]

It takes two people to make a relationship work, and only one to dissolve it. Your ex-girlfriend gave it a good try for a year, and now she feels burned. I’m not sure why she feels burned by all men, but she probably has a history of being with men who treat her badly since she stayed with you for an entire year during which time you were admittedly not very nice to her. Sadly, to some extent, I think it was what she was used to and that familiarity caused her to stay. 😳

My advice is to try and choose someone who is open to having a relationship. You’re setting yourself up for a bumpy ride when you choose someone who doesn’t want to be in the relationship. It’s going to be an uphill battle. In addition to which it’s pretty hard for me to understand why you stayed with someone for a year and treated her badly. Forget about her for a minute — I know you couldn’t have felt very good about treating your girlfriend badly for an entire year — and yet you did. 😕 Figure out what was going on in your life that caused you be mean to a girlfriend for so long. Make sure you’ve really dealt with the issue. When you have, my advice is to move on. You’ve given it a try with this woman, and now she’s not interested. Staying friends with her is going to make it harder for you to move on. In addition to which, men who are always there and available are much less attractive to women (like your ex-girlfriend) than men who aren’t as available and have a life of their own. 😉

[maanoo]

Thank you for your answer.

Do you think if I could stay friends with her and show her that I am willing to change and do everything for her that she MIGHT consider giving this relationship another chance?

[AskApril Masini]

The reason being friends is a bad idea is that because you’re broken up, she may want to date other men, and frankly, that’s a good thing because if you ARE Mr. Right, she’ll know it more because these other guys aren’t, but I don’t think that if you’re her friend, [i]and[/i] her ex-boyfriend[i][b] and[/b][/i] her wanna be boyfriend, you’re going to keep your cool or your steady footing if she’s dating other men.

My advice is to move on. If in a year or even six months from now, you want to reconnect to see if she’ll go out with you, that’s probably a better idea.

[maanoo]

Hello April,

It’s been almost a month now and I’ve taken your advice and stopped contact with her, I’m trying to move on with my life and I do feel great most of the time with a few reminders of her now and then.

However, Let’s say in 6 months if I do want to reconnect to start again, what would be your advice to do then? How to approach it this time?

Thank you, I really appreciate your help. 😀

[AskApril Masini]

If you’re thinking about rekindling with her, you’re not moving on. 😕 It’s only been a month since the break up. You need to let go. 😉

[Member]

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