[girlygirl19]

I met a guy over a month ago. We got along great. Although I am 20 and he’s is 26, our age is not a problem for him and I. We have gone out three times only, and communicated on several occasions when he was working and I was busy as well. We both are looking for a relationship and he has emphasized his interests, likes and attraction towards me. It has gotten to the point where he even made a mental note of remembering which days I am available to hang out and at what times. He works long hours usually from 9am to 7 or 8 pm but still managed to see me and says that it is all worth it when we hang out, no matter how late he may get home. (he commutes 90 min to and from work to get home by the train). Its to the point where yesterday he told his boss (who has been on his back lately) that he had to meet someone very important, which he was referring to me, and thats why he was able to leave work an hour early. If you don’t really like someone or that person so much or do not think they are that important to get your boss to allow to leave work early, which is rare, then why do it? He cam to my place, we talked, we had sex. But I have improved myself from last year. I vowed only to have sex with someone I felt I would feel a connection with or felt that it may move forward into something else. H e enjoyed his time with me last night and prior to yesterday, he always mentioned that he was not just looking for sex, but that sex was an important aspect in a relationship (so he wanted to know a bit about my sexual tendencies) which I also agree with him.

However, he called me later on that night and said that he feels because of his busy work schedule, we should only remain friends. I just feel like he knew how busy he was when he met me and where I lived compared to him, so why is it now he decides we should only be friends. He also says he does not want to give me false hope, which he would be doing more so if we were only to remain friends because I had already caught feelings for him (way before the sex ever occurred last night) and for me I am not comfortable with remaining friends with someone I have feelings for (which is why I do not have any of them left in my life).

Its just that in a way I feel that he also wasted both his and my time if this is what it has come to. About the false hope, he says he doesn’t want to ruin or hurt my feeling because he cannot always guarantee that we will hang out when we plan to. I understand completely his schedule and that he is a busy man and has priorities, just like my schooling and part time job are, but this would not be a problem for me. I have many friends and have seen many people are in relationships with someone who is just as busy as us and are in a relationship or still dating or “talking” I should say.

my friend (who happens to be the same age as me) is in a relationship with someone ten years older than her, who lives two hours upstate. They at times may only see each other once a week or only on the weekends, but they are content with that. My former roommate from last year has also been with someone for four years now and they are five years apart. They lived an hour or so apart. He has graduated college and is currently employed while she is still in college. They managed to see each other on the weekends and if not, they would spend at least one day or a few hours together during the week. Of course we are not together, but I just wanted to mention that this availability issue can most definitely work and that with my complete understanding,that he would not be hurting me by not always being able to see me. However, if it is more of a strain on him due to the long hours at work, then I totally understand. But I would rather not remain friends after what has happened and what I felt could have happened. I feel as if I would be holding on to lost hope more so if we remained friends rather than if we tried and continued this romantically.

Do I sound selfish? It’s just that why should I remain friends with him if we were never started out as friends in the first place. For me its either all or nothing, (and by that i mean, we continue what we have been doing as far as talking or dating goes). We have pretty much shared all we can about each other and he has at times said he was excited to see me and would rather spend time with me than anything else.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Hi there! I’d love to answer your question — but first, please re-post this question on the string of posts you started here last month. It’s a lot easier for me (and anyone else who wants to weigh in and help out) to see your posts in one place. I’ll look out for your re-post and answer you there, as soon as you repost. 😀

[aarda123]

Please re-post this question on the string of posts you’ve already started on this forum. It’s much easier for me to see all your questions in one place, so I can give you better advice. 🙂 I’ll look out for that new post, and as soon as I see it on the old string of posts, I’ll answer you there. 😀

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you.

[Member]

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