[iaj32]

A few months ago while visiting family, I got to know one of my cousin’s good friends and we hit it off almost immediately. He switched his work schedule around to take me out on a date before I left, texted me regularly for almost 2 months, and then booked a trip to come visit me.

The trip went really well and we had a great time together. It never felt awkward or uncomfortable, he seemed very genuine, he spared no expense on anything and wouldn’t let me pay for anything, aside from leaving the tip a few times after I insisted. However, the last day he seemed kinda strange and like he was antsy to get home. Granted, he does live in a much more exciting place than I do, so it’s possible that he was bored by the lack of things to do by me. We’re both in our mid-twenties, by the way.

Since he left, I really haven’t heard from him very much. If I text him, he’ll respond but I don’t really hear from him otherwise. I texted my cousin about it and he said that he seemed to enjoy the trip very much and didn’t say anything that wasn’t positive.

I honestly didn’t expect much from this because 1) the distance between us 2) I don’t really know him that well and 3) I’m still really uneasy about getting too close to anyone because of an abusive relationship that I was in for 6 years (which ended about a year ago) plus a lot of bad dating experiences the past year (mostly jerks who just wanted sex and manipulated me). But after spending almost 5 days straight with a person, it’s hard to suddenly forget them.

I don’t know if I did something to turn him off. I always tend to be a little too talkative, especially if I’m nervous. I know this annoys people. A lot of the things he was really into, I barely know anything about. I showed interest in learning about them, but I don’t know if he thinks we have little in common and/or that I’m an idiot. We ended up having a few steamy makeout sessions and the second night we slept together. So I don’t know if he was just doing all this to have sex with me and then had no intention of bothering with me afterward. I find it strange that a man would choose to use his best friend’s cousin for sex and on top of all that, spend hundreds of dollars and travel across the country to do so. But stranger things have happened. Unlike the other jerks who just wanted sex, he never made any kinds of suggestive comments or made it like I owed him sex, but maybe he’s a little smoother than they are. I just don’t understand what happened here.

I’m a very attractive woman, I will admit. I’m very happy with my physical appearance. But I have major self confidence issues concerning my personality. I feel like I’m not a likeable person at all and that very few people like me. I feel like men see me and find me physically attractive, which draws them in, but then the more they get to know me, the less they actually like me. It just seems that every time I meet someone, they’re all over me and are practically begging for my time, but then the more they get to know me, they’re no longer interested. I can be very negative, but I don’t usually act that way when meeting new people. I’m very nice and friendly, I say funny things and make jokes, I’m very sweet and not demanding, rude or clingy. I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Or maybe I do just keeping choosing jerks. I’m just getting so frustrated and it upsets me to keep getting constantly rejected.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I looked at the 13 posts you’ve written here — all pretty much on the same theme — of choosing the wrong guy and being concerned about choosing Mr. Right. In 2008 and then again, last September 2011, in response to your posts at the time, I recommended that you buy and read Think & Date Like A Man, the book I wrote for women who want to win the dating game. Did you ever do that? If not, you really need to. Here’s the link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. Please get the book, read it, and follow the advice in it. I’m quite sure that it’s going to help you a lot. Posting here every time something goes wrong may make you feel better in the short term, but unless you’re really willing to do the work required to date well, you’re going to make the same mistakes over and over. It’s time for you to step up to the plate! 😉

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