[Anonymous]

I was in a relationship from past 3 years.
The first year went great!
He loved me immensely and made me feel like the center of his world. but from past year and a half we have been fighting a lot..he broke up once in the middle of last year..told me how hurt he is bcz of our fights..cried..it took me some time to convince him that its just a phase and will pass..and he gave in.
This year again..due to constant fights he gave up..said he cnt take no more..
he constatntly said he loves me but thats not enough for a healthy relationship and that he has not been happy at all in past few months..i tried convincing him but he kept on saying that he can’t picture us happy anymore..then he finally said..that lets talk to two of our mutual friends whom we have confided in..and see what they have to say.
they told us to give each other some time..to see if we feel that way about each other still or not..
however ..i already wanted things back on track..i decided to give him his share of time. he accepted.
this thing was going on. untill recently i found his some chats in one of his accounts while lookin for an old email. this was dated july ’08..which was our “happy ” phase.
the chats revealed that he talked to this girl quite a lot. and even met him once and kissed not just this but also asked her to do it with him..but when she askd to spend more time..he stopped talkn to her. when i confronted him..he denied initially but then accptd and cried badly..
said sorry ..u dint deserve this..i wouldnt have slept with her etc etc.
i abused him like anything..for a day or two. and then..he stopped msgn or cln…
so the problem is ..he never asked me for a second chance..which i might have given him if he had tried v.v.v hard.
after that incidence in july’08 ..he had done extremly wonderful things fr me..(which he reminded me) he said he did it bcz he realised what a mistake he had made..also he said he dint temme out of fear of losing me..n he loved me like crazy.
he hasnt been talkin aftr the phase of me cursing him and telling him tht he had used me.etc

what am i supposed to do now?
i miss our old days..we really felt for each other alot.

[Anonymous]

help april.
🙁

[Megz327]

There’s nothing you can do now. Time apart may make you both realize what you had and work at it or you may both realize it was never meant to be.
Either way this cycle isn’t healthy. Go do some stuff for yourself. Hang out with your friends, take some fun classes, learn something you always wanted to and just enjoy being you. Find yourself and then everything will fall into place. I am guessing you are young by your typing so you have a lot of time to enjoy life before you want to be in a long term relationship.

[Anonymous]

i am 20 and he’s 22.
The problem is that the beginning was so outstandingly amazing that i believed he is my soulmate. And so did he.
Even people who knew us could see that what we have has the potential to last forever.
Knowing all this..i don’t think i will be able to settle with someone else happily..ever and i can’t let go of this thing.
i am going through a very bad phase right now and i don’t know how to think about life without him. i was into this deeply and so was he. but he says he has drifted apart and now all i do is think of ways to bring everything back on track. i have no clue how to stop doing this.

[Ask April Masini]

First of all I’m sorry for your pain. I can hear how hurt you are, and judging by your ages, I’m guessing this is a first big love relationship for you, which means you don’t have perspective on the rest of your life, and you don’t realize that if things don’t work out here, you WILL go on to find love and happiness with another man. (I’m sorry because I know you don’t want to hear that, but I also know you didn’t come here for lies or coddling — just the truth! 😆 )

Second, I want to tell you that you’re throwing around some dangerous words like soulmate and potential. Understand that your soulmate is not someone who is going to fight with you like this, and a soulmate is not someone you’re going to abuse. So get rid of the idea that this man is your soulmate. He’s not. As for potential, while you may think that based on the first year of your relationship he has the potential to be a life partner, the next two years of reality have proved that that potential does not exist. Potential is something that is proved or disproved by real life. You and your boyfriend have clearly proved that you do not have the potential for a lifelong relationship because this is not what a healthy, happy one looks like.

It’s time for you to move on. He is. Now you should, too. [b]Megz327[/b] had great suggestions about how to spend your newly free time without him by doing productive activities and encouraging healthy relationships with friends and family.

Hang in there! Break ups hurt, but the pain does subside and you WILL go on to find healthy love.

[Anonymous]

Thanks a ton April and Megz..that really helped.
Especially the part about him being my soulmate..i can see where i was going wrong.
I have atleast planned to indulge in things that make me happy..
I hope i see better days..
Thanks again!

[Ask April Masini]

Just focus on taking care of yourself. You WILL see better days — I PROMISE!! 😀

[Anonymous]

I came here and looked for this post just to thank you once again 🙂
I did move on. Whatever seemed impossible to happen, did happen.
All these months..i did so many new things and i feel i have really grown as a person, so i’m glad it happened because i’m really proud of who i’ve become after that phase!

[Ask April Masini]

I’m so glad things are going well for you!! 😀 😀 😀 And I’m glad that whatever part I played in your return to happiness helped, too. 😉

I hope you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link:[url][/url]. 😀

[Author]

Posts