[LinaKravitz]

I met a guy recently in a conference. We had few debates related to our work, some small talk at the metro and thats it, even though very enjoyable conv.
After it he started writing me on DM (twitter) and it was flirty. After it I traveled back to my state (he lives in Berlin) I live in other EU country, 5 hours flight.

We continued talking through viber texting. For two weeks we were all day texting, all sort of stuff from movies, jokes, music to politics, life, relationship. And greeting each other every morning or night for good night sleep, he would do music videos just to please me, make me laugh and after a while messages starting to get more provocative, or teasing me sexually. I liked him a bit, so I played along to see what happens if I agree to sext (it was my first time sexting), the next day it was bit awkward. The conv. soon got back to normal, and again we talked for another two weeks, so after another two weeks happened again the sexting (this time with pics, not full nudes, just sexy parts sneaking), and again that awkward silence for a day followed. He referred to this as our “virtual sex”, and he is making plans to meet me in few months and actually live up to our sexts.

So given the context, and the cultural differences, what do you think is there realistic chances for a relationship, any tip from a guy what do they think of a girl that agrees to sext, does that hurted my chances for a relationship with this guy?

Best,
Pela 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[LinaKravitz]

I am 27 F, him 30M

We both have same professional circle and somewhat careful about the image, I would describe us both as very liberal when it comes to views towards sex and everything else.

He seems interested genuinely in knowing me, however the sexting thing is smth that concerns me. It might be just me, but sexting before actually dating I have this feeling that it kills any chance of that relationship developing into a dedicated or committed one. Like I am saying this is the standard, its just a sex relationship, and like I am not looking anything emotional out of it, which clearly its not in my case.
In the other hand he is not pushy, he will tease me smth and if I dont respond same, we will continue talking something else which is not anything sexual. Over 1 month and a half it happened twice, and probably we would not be able to meet for few more months, and since we met we have been talking almost everyday for this period of time.

I would appreciate any advice, or is any rule when it comes to sexting, am I doing smth wrong. Or any other example of someone that had similar experience. Thank you very much.
Best,
P.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you’re smart to question the nature of the relationship. When you meet someone interesting and start up a long distance relationship, because you live in different countries, keep this rule of thumb in mind: If he doesn’t make a date to see you within three months, consider that he’s not that interested in a traditional, committed relationship. He may like you, and he may want to have fun with you, but he’s not interested in that relationship where you get to know each other, in person, with the goal being a committed, monogamous relationship. The sexting is a game for him, and it’s a great tool in a long distance relationship that’s committed, but if that’s all you have, then that’s all you have. 😉

[Sally]

Sexting doesn’t automatically make you not relationship material. You liked him, felt a connection, and explored it in a way that felt natural at the time. That doesn’t make you careless or cheap. The awkwardness afterward is also normal, especially since it was your first time and the connection is long distance.

Most guys don’t downgrade a woman just because she sexted. What matters more is how he treats you outside of that. If he still talks to you regularly, jokes with you, shares parts of his life, and makes real plans to meet, that’s a good sign. If the connection slowly turns into mostly sexual talk, that’s when it’s worth being cautious.

The silence after sexting usually isn’t about regret or judgment. It’s often just the shift from emotional conversation to sexual energy and then back again, which can feel a little weird for both people.

Him calling it virtual sex and talking about meeting later shows sexual interest, but that doesn’t cancel out relationship potential. Just keep an eye on consistency. Sexting didn’t hurt your chances his actions over time will tell you what this really is.

[Tara]

You’re not building a relationship, you’re auditioning to be a long-distance sexual fantasy.
This didn’t start as “potential.” It began as a convenience. Flirty DMs, constant texting, escalation to sexting, then awkward silence. That pattern tells you everything. He gets stimulation, then disengages emotionally. Rinse. Repeat. That’s not cultural. That’s male behavior when the goal is novelty, not commitment.

Let’s kill the biggest lie in your head: sexting did not “ruin” your chances of a relationship, because there was no real relationship trajectory to ruin. He never invested in logistics, consistency, or real-world integration. He invested in access to your attention and your body… digitally. A five-hour flight distance, plus “we’ll meet in a few months,” is fantasy language, not planning.

What does a guy think of a girl who sexts early? He thinks: she’s sexually available with low friction. That doesn’t make you worthless, but it absolutely changes the category you’re placed in unless he already wanted something serious. Sexting doesn’t create commitment; it satisfies curiosity. And once curiosity is fed, interest often drops. That awkward silence afterward? That’s post-nut clarity without the nut.

The “virtual sex” label is another red flag. He’s framing this as a substitute for intimacy, not a bridge toward it. You’re entertainment between Berlin and boredom. If he were serious, the sexting wouldn’t derail the emotional tone it would deepen it. Instead, it creates resets and distance.

[Member]

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