[Hereforhelp2424]

I am currently seeking relationship help. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. I have problems communicating with him. He is always open to hearing what I have to say, I just don’t know how to get it out there. I have hit him out of anger a few times. Last night I slapped him in the face after he called me a name, and he hit me back. The violence progressed over the night between us. He ended up slapping me in the face, then immediately apologized and seemed really upset about what he had done. I just don’t know how to fix this, I can’t do it on my own. And I don’t know what I should do.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, you need intervention because you’re in a relationship where there is mutual domestic violence. Go to your local hospital or police station or fire station and ask for help. Explain what happened and tell them you don’t know how to get out of this situation. Domestic violence tends to escalate if one person doesn’t break the pattern. So, go ask for help from someone who is local and in real life, today.

Next, you need to find a way to use your words not your body to express yourself. If something is so upsetting to you that instead of saying it you hit someone instead, you need to find a way to express your feelings without violence. Practice saying what you want to say to that person, alone in a room. Write it down if that helps. Read it out loud. Say it to a friend and ask them for help because you want to use words, but are having trouble doing so.

But don’t forget — get help today from someone in real life. Walk into an emergency room or a police station — because as you can see from what you’ve written, the violence escalated, and it will continue to do so until someone intervenes.

Let me know how that goes.

[Sally]

This is one of those moments where you kind of stop and realize the whole thing has crossed a line you can’t ignore. I’m not saying that to scare you just being honest. Once hitting starts on both sides, it doesn’t matter who apologized or who “started it.” It changes the relationship in a way that’s really hard to walk back.

I’ve been in something like that before. You keep thinking if you just talk better or calm down more, it’ll go away. But it doesn’t. It gets heavier.
You’re right that you can’t fix this alone. And it’s not something you two can fix just by “trying harder.” You need space, real space, to get out of the cycle before it gets worse.
Take care of yourself first. The rest comes after.

[Tara]

This relationship isn’t “struggling”, it’s violent, toxic, and dangerous, and both of you are participating in the destruction. You didn’t “have problems communicating.” You resorted to hitting him. Multiple times.

That’s not a communication issue; that’s a lack-of-control issue. And once you crossed that line, you opened the door for him to cross it too. You’re both normalizing abuse and then acting shocked when it escalates. Apologies don’t erase violence; they just reset the cycle so it can happen again.

And it will happen again if you stay. You say you “can’t do it on your own,” but the reality is you shouldn’t be doing this with him at all. You can’t fix a relationship where both people are physically hurting each other. You end it before someone gets seriously injured or worse. The verdict: leave, get real help on your own, and stop pretending this is anything but mutual abuse spiraling out of control. You don’t repair this; you walk away from it.

[Member]

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