[beachxgirl718]

okay so me and this guy went to high school together and he’s always had a thing for me. I go away to college which is 4 hours from home and he goes to school at home. over winter break, we had been hanging out and having sex. we had a long talk one night and he told me he wants things to be great between us, and we should see where things go. he would contact me a lot, but we’d always just go to a bar and then hookup, or id go to the bar, and he would have work and then he’d pick me up afterward and wed hookup. so one night I asked him if he cared about me and he said “what do you mean, as a friend, yes absolutely.” and then I told him I had feelings for him and he said “i mean you go to school 4 hours away what can we accomplish by getting into a relationship” and then I backed down and said “well I’m not looking for a relationship, and I’m down to have sex but I just didn’t wanna put myself in a position where I can get hurt” and he told me “yeah but at the same time if you’re down, you’re down” and I said “what?” and he said “nothing, I understand. its just hard to catch feelings because I know you’re away at school.” the Friday night before I was going back to school he came over and we talked and hung out for 2 hours. he was saying how he wants to come visit me. I had plans later that night with my girlfriend, so later on after I went out I called him and he came to pick me up (it was 5am) and then said he was gonna drop me off, and I said “what? I thought we were hanging out?” and he said “no, I’m tired its 5am” and I said “what was the point of picking me up?” and he said “because I wanted to say goodbye to you before you left.” we talked a little when I got to school. and then a few weekends ago I was home, and we ended up hanging out Friday night and he was like “i really wanna come visit you.” and then we messed around at his place, but his mom woke up so when he was driving me home he said “can you just graduate already?” and I said “why?” and he said “so you can have your own place and we can drink and hang out.” and I said “and have sex” and he said “well I mean that’s a bonus.” I got back to school and decided to text him one day and I said “did you have feelings for me over break?” and he said “what does it matter now” and I said “i feel like you’re using me for sex” and he said “why do you feel that way when we talk and sh*t” and I said something else and he said “what do you wanna hear, you’re so far away” and now I find out he’s dating his ex girlfriend again. meanwhile, I just came home for spring break and a few days ago he was texting me telling me he wanted to see me over break and hang out. I bitched him out when I found out that he’s dating his ex, and within a minute of me sending the text he called me, then texted, then called again. then a few hours later he texted again, and the next day he texted. (that was a thursday) and then Sunday he texted saying “so I still don’t hear from you” then we had a whole convo a few weeks later and it went like this..
i said: “listen I just can’t hook up with you anymore when I know there’s someone at home. do your thing, but I’m not gonna be the other girl. I’m cool with being friends but I can’t do the other sh*t.”

he said: “what happens bw me and you is bw me and you..idk what you do at school, I don’t ask..im just saying let that be bw you and whoever and let things be bw me and whoever. and what we have lets have it.”

i said: “okay but my feelings are involved. you’re doing whatever at home then I come home and we f***. I’m not just going to be some girl you f*** when I come home and I’m convenient”

he said: “ohh because you being away has no effect on me? its not about you being convenient, its about the fact that were in different places and you want more than what we can have right now.”

i said: “ok so clearly I want more, and you dont. we both want different things which is fine. you can do whatever you want, but I’m not putting myself in that position because I will get hurt.”

he said:”its not about me not wanting it! its about the fact that it can not happen right now! you go to school 4 hours away and your blaming this sh*t on me.”

i said:”im not blaming you for me going away to school I just can’t hookup with you when I come home and know nothing is coming out of it right now.”

he said:”i really think that’s unfair..youre blaming me for wanting to hookup with you.”

i said: “im not blaming you, but you have to figure out what’s important in life and were both looking for 2 different things.”

he said: “not really..were both looking to have fun. you’re in college 4 hours away and now you’re telling me we can’t hookup anymore.”

i said: “no I clearly like you and want more. you don’t and have your reasons, therefore if I hookup with you you’re getting what you want and I’m not getting what I want.”

he said: “no stop it because that’s not it. if you wanted something for so long then say it..the only time I heard from you for the longest time was when you were drunk which is ridiculous and I can’t believe your using this whole going away to school and you liking me right now. it is what it is though..im kind of upset that you’re throwing this all at me and stuff but whatever.”

then he told me I was being selfish because I didn’t think about how he felt or what he was thinking about the situation. and I said “it doesn’t really matter if I told you then or now, the situation would have remained the same.” and he said “i doubt it, and you really don’t care as much as you say you did/do with that comment.” and he said we would finish the convo another time he’s trying to put it all into words.

what do you think about this situation? did he have feelings for me at all?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He did have feelings for you but the two of you are incompatible because of the four hour distance between you when you’re away at college. It’s better for both of you if you let go and find someone at school to date since that’s where you spend the majority of your time.

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[beachxgirl718]

THIS IS AN ADD ON TO THE PREVIOUS THREAD BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT RECENTLY HAPPENED. SO WITH ALL OF THAT ADDED TOGETHER, can you please give me your opinion?

I graduated in may and now I’m home for good and he is constantly up my ass wanting to hang out but he STILL has a girlfriend. he drives me crazy and does/says things that makes me believe he likes me, but he STILL has a girlfriend. we had a talk one night about how I don’t have a guy and he said “maybe youve already met him and he’s just waiting for the right time. law school is no joke.” cause I wanna go to law school, and I don’t know if he was making a reference to himself. we fight all the time, and I know he was getting fed up with it. we got into a fight about a week ago and he was like “i care about you, why do I stay up until 3am trying to make you feel better about sh*t that has nothing to do with me.” and I was like “nobody asked you to” and he said “i do it because I want to and I care about you.” then I tried to explain the reason we fight is because I’m so back and forth and sometimes I’m nice to him and sometimes I’m standoffish because I’m trying to push him away because he has a girlfriend, and he was like well can I come see you and talk about this? and I told him no I’m upset and wanna think about things and he said “lol don’t bother delete my number just like you deleted me from Facebook” then I called him and we were talking on the phone and he’s just getting pissed at me and he’s like “i’m over it, we fight all the time, and that’s not somebody I wanna be with. you need to get over the fact that I have a girlfriend. you don’t give me a reason to reconsider my relationship, I haven’t seen you in months, etc.” like just getting pissed that I told him the way I felt. then a few nights later, he cooled off and I ended up hanging out with him and we had sex. I felt like sh*t the next day, I don’t need a lecture. but he was like “i missed this.” then the next day I told him that couldn’t happen anymore, and he didn’t answer. so I said “ur not gonna say anything?” and he said “what do you want me to say, you said it can’t continue, so fine it can’t continue.” then I got weak and said “nvm I wanna hookup” and he just started to ignore me. I called him like 4 times and he was like yelling at me saying “im working, okay what do you want me to say, I have to go.” then that night I got drunk and called him and he was like ill call you later. never called. then I texted him the next night when I was drunk and he was like “uve been annoying me all day, its just annoying, you’re 22 you shouldn’t be acting like this.” and I said “can we just resolve things” and he said “where are u” then I fell asleep the next morning I apologized and he didn’t answer. then I got psychotic and called him, texted him, and messaged him a million times. he’s just been ignoring me. I told him how I truly felt and explained how I don’t wanna be the girl at 4am, I wanna be the girl all the time. and he blocked me on fbook, blocked my number, and he’s just ignoring me.

idk if he’s not talking to me because I was annoying, or because I said how I really feel and he doesn’t feel the same. or sometimes I feel that he feels the same way about me but won’t admit it because he has a girlfriend. I don’t know what to do, I mean I texted and called and messaged so many times, but if you really care, you’ll forgive me eventually right?

1. what do you think about this situation?
2. do you think he could have feelings for me?
3. will he ever talk to me again?
4. i texted and called so many times it was out of control. but if he really cared about me, he would contact me eventually, correct?

*my biggest fear is that he cared about me and i had a chance at a relationship and now he doesn’t give a shit about me and i ruined my chances.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[b]beachgirl718[/b], what am I going to do with you!? 😳 You’ve posted 26 times here and you never take my advice or change your behavior. Until you do you’re going to have the same problems you post about here.

If you’re promiscuous and chase men, you’re not going to have a healthy relationship. You say that your biggest fear is that a man cared about you and you ruined your chances with him because of your behavior. You’re right. You did. But you keep doing it. If you don’t change your behavior, your relationships will repeat this pattern.

Buy the book I’ve recommended you buy, Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], and read it!

See you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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