[Distress2010]

Hi! I am 22 years old and I have been living with my 24 year old boyfriend for about a year now. Our relationship is the best that I have ever been in and needless to say that we are in love. My question stems from my concern about how to handle different situations. For instance even though social websites such as Facebook and MySpace are just websites they present a certain image that you want your firends and/or others who may look at your age to know. This being said I have spoken with my boyfriend since we first starting dating about his relationship status and other things/comments being posted on his FB page. There have been times when I have posted/commentd on his page and they get deleted but other females write/post on his page and they get to stay. I have tagged him in photos and he has untagged himself and his defense he says that he just doesn’t want everyone in his business. This seems weird to me when he puts up his profile pic and sometimes there have been other females in his profile pic but never a pic of me and him. He doesn’t even like when I make my profile pic a pic of me and him. I do trust him but this feels like to me that he is still trying to hold on to a piece of his extravagent single life which was filled with many many many females who til this day really don’t believe that HE could be in a SERIOUS relationship based on his track record. I try not to push the issue to much but the image that he presenting is one of a single male ready to flirt and mingle. This image thus makes me feel disrespected and it makes me look goofy to my friends and family on facebook who constantly ask me about why he talks/comments the way he does to other females and why we aren’t listed as in a relationship on our pages. I usually respond with the TRUE statement that he lets his little brother roam his page and so some if not most of the comments are posted by his borther. The problem with this is that it is all being done under MY boyfriend’s name and so it seems as if he is single and flirting with other females or making comments as if he were single. I try not to nag but I am a very emotional and very considerate person. I do feel as though it is taken advantage of at times but thats not to say that he is bad boyfriend because he is far from it. I just don’t understand this. I drop everything to make sure he and his feelings are ok but I just feel completely disrespected by the totla disregard to my feelings about this situation. He tells me that he understands where I am coming from and has even on one occassion called me out of the blue apologizing for the imgae that he is presenting and promised to change it…this was four months ago. Since then we have talked about and even gotten into arguemnts about it and still nothing. I have told him how I feel about it numerous of times and still no change, which happens occassionally in other situations of our relationship. I understand that its just a website and in rela life I know and he knows that he is in a relationship but if he is not showing the world or even just FB that it shoudl be respected (out relationship) does it even matter?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think that your instinct is correct. Your boyfriend is not quite ready to commit one hundred percent to your relationship in the way that you are committed to it. He does still want to hold on to a piece of his life as a single guy. You’ve obviously brought this up to him, and not only told him how it makes you feel, but asked him to change things and he didn’t. What this should tell you is that he’s made it crystal clear to you that while the two of you have what you have, he’s not in with both feet.

One of the things I talk about in Think & Date Like A Man, a book I’ve written that helps women find and get Mr. Right, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], is that when a man is ready to commit to you he’ll exhibit certain behaviors. One of those behaviors is that he’ll appear ready to settle down. He’ll start introducing you to family and friends as his girlfriend. He’ll start hanging around with other people in couples rather than his single friends. These indicators help you figure out if a man is ready for a committed relationship if that’s what you’re looking for — and I think it IS what you’re looking for.

Understand who your boyfriend is, and that if you try to turn him into someone he’s not, by force, you’re going to set off a backfire. Instead, you’d do well to buy and read Think & Date Like A Man, and be the woman he wants — so much so that he will WANT to claim you as his on Facebook and elsewhere. If he doesn’t want to claim you then you need to look elsewhere for a man does want that.

I hope that helps. Let me know how it goes, and please join me at AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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