[lostlove39]

I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year now. There were issues about my past in the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend. I had a very hard time telling him about my past(sexual partners and certain situations) I was able to tell him all of what I considered the most important things, leaving out insignificant details and things which seemed meaningless. At any random time, small details about my past come up, new things to my boyfriend. Is it really considered a lie if when asked I do tell the truth about the small things, even though he asked me to tell him everything months ago?

[kai]

Hi LostLove39, as I’ve told other posters — the welcome area [b]IS NOT for questions[/b] and [u]should not[/u] be used to get advice. 😮 it says “DO NOT post your questions” here, when you go to sign up. 😳

[b]repost your question in the Q & A Relationship Advice Forum[/b] .

[color=#FF0000]you won’t get a response to your question here[/color] — this is the welcome area. 😀

[Anonymous]

Yikes! This one is a litle touchy… No, you are not technically lying to him. You are however not divulging. He may see this as a lie however because when asked you didn’t spill your heart and soul. Whatever reasons that you may have had for not wanting to tell him everything about your past are your own. I often wonder what makes people so masochistic in relationships that they ask questions knowing that the ending result could possibly hurt them. Honestly, what does it matter what you did in your past, who you were with, and all the details therein. There is nothing about your past that is going to help your future relationship. Dwelling in the past can be very unhealthy and for your mate to want to linger in it can bring up some very uncomfortable memorys for you. My best suggestion would be to simply reply, “Does it really matter?” or “I don’t really remember/ I don’t really want to think about that” Or just come right out and tell him that what you did before you met him is really none of his concern and if he cares about you in any way it would best for him to put his focus and energy on your future rather that live in your past.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let me know how things are going for you? 😉

[Sally]

A lie is when you knowingly give false information or intentionally deceive someone. What you’re describing is selective disclosure, not lying. You didn’t invent stories or deny things when asked you shared what you felt was relevant at the time and answered honestly when details came up later.

That said, from your boyfriend’s perspective, it can feel like lying if he believed “everything” meant every detail, no matter how small. So this isn’t really about truth vs. lies it’s about expectations and safety.

You’re allowed to have a past, and you’re allowed to decide what feels meaningful to share. No one is entitled to every detail of your sexual history. The problem only arises if the relationship turns into repeated interrogations where new details feel like surprises rather than context.

The healthiest way forward is to clarify this together: explain that you never meant to hide anything, only that you shared what mattered to you, and you’re being honest when asked. Trust grows when both people understand each other’s boundaries not when one person feels forced to relive their past over and over.

[Sally]

A lie is when you knowingly give false information or intentionally deceive someone. What you’re describing is selective disclosure, not lying. You didn’t invent stories or deny things when asked you shared what you felt was relevant at the time and answered honestly when details came up later.

That said, from your boyfriend’s perspective, it can feel like lying if he believed “everything” meant every detail, no matter how small. So this isn’t really about truth vs. lies it’s about expectations and safety.

You’re allowed to have a past, and you’re allowed to decide what feels meaningful to share. No one is entitled to every detail of your sexual history. The problem only arises if the relationship turns into repeated interrogations where new details feel like surprises rather than context.

The healthiest way forward is to clarify this together: explain that you never meant to hide anything, only that you shared what mattered to you, and you’re being honest when asked. Trust grows when both people understand each other’s boundaries not when one person feels forced to relive their past over and over.

[Member]

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