[Anonymous]

me and my ex bf broke up like a month ago. well let me give you the background on what happened.
we were together for about 1 year 10 months, including a 5 month long period in an LDR becos he was studying overseas. so he came back for holidays and one night, he randomly asked me if i still wanted to continue the LDR becos he wanted to be sure we were right for each other so that he knows what he is fighting for in the upcoming days of LDR. i told him i wanted to continue the rs becos i was quite sure he was the one for me. but, he said he was unsure about me and that he did not want to waste time on it becos if we continue on, we still might end up breaking up in future.
so i asked him what was he unsure about and he said he was unable to tolerate certain of my personality and stuff. but he added saying he was definitely sure he likes me and has feelings for me but does not know if the feelings are strong enough to enable him to carry on in this rs. so we broke up.
and we hung out with the same group of friends and will see each other but i try not to talk to him when we were in a group. instead, he came over to have small talks with me asking me how’s school and all. and he even texted me saying that if i was comfortable, we could still hang out. and that he wanted to stay friends with me. also, i am heading over to the same state as him for student exchange and he told me if i needed help, i could come to him.

and all these happen within a month or so from our break up. so my questions is, what is going through his mind? does this mean he has gotten over it? or i dont know.. i find it so difficult to understand what goes through a guy’s mind after breakup. i am sure i am not over him. infact i miss him and his actions are giving me hope that we might be together again.

so pls help!my initial plan was to cool down for about 5 months and try to get him back when i will be there in the same state as him for exchange. what should i do now? i’m in such a mess…..

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t know what’s going on in his mind, but his behavior suggests he’s gotten over you and just wants to be friends. You’re not at the same place, emotionally, so you’re confused that he can be.

I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to “cool down” for five months — I’m not sure what that means, since he seems to have broken up with you already. I think you should move on with your life. What he said to you seemed very rational. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain and after a year plus relationship with you, he had doubts about your future together and decided to break up. If someone doesn’t want to be with you, it hurts, but it also frees you up to not waste time pursuing a dead end. Instead of “cooling down” my advice is you get over him and move on. I know it’s hard to get over a break up, but you’ll feel a lot less confused and trapped if you let go then if you try to hold on to something that isn’t there any more.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go — and follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Anonymous]

okay so it is possible for a guy to get over a rs that fast. i mean i dont know.. mayb the mind of how a guy and girl’s mind works differently.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

People get over relationships and fall into them at different speeds and rates, so yes, it is possible that he got over the relationship a lot more quickly than you did. He also may have been thinking that this relationship wasn’t right for him for a long time before he finally said something to you, so it seems like he’s making a quick decision, but on his own, he probably ruminated for some time before coming to you.

I hope that helps.

See you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Member]

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