[Tracyac]

Hi April.
One of the guys I work with and I talk a lot via text in the evenings about sex and he tells me he’d like to sleep with me . We flirt a lot and send saucy photos to each other. At work though we are professional and don’t talk about it at all. He doesn’t flirt with me and we act as close friends. He doesn’the ask me on dates or try and touch me . Several times I have tried to get him to open up and tell me what exactly it is he wants from us but he always shuts down and refuses to answer the question. I am now so confused by his behaviour I don’t know what to do. Please help. Tracy

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s actually being very straight forward. It’s just not what you were hoping for. 😕 His behavior indicates that he wants a professional relationship at work, and a sexual relationship without dating, outside of work. You’re confused because you’re thinking there must be some middle ground — like dating, getting to know each other, flirting at work — but there isn’t for him. Nope! He wants sex outside of work, without a traditional, romantic relationship. And that’s it.

As for what you should do, it’s up to you. If you want a sexy fling, he’s ready and willing. If you’re looking for a romantic, dating relationship that’s traditional, he’s not your guy. When you try to get him to open up, and he shuts down, it’s because he doesn’t want to open up. That’s his way of letting you know, he’s not into romance and dating. I wish I could tell you more, but this one is pretty simple. What you see is what you get.

Hope that helps!

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… you are the one confused, 😩 the flirty texts? yes for ego boost. the silence at work? damage control. man’s basically treating you like a secret side quest. listen babe, you deserve a man who flirts in daylight, not one who hides behind a screen so block the “goodnight sexy” texts and let him miss access, not your worth. 💅

[Serena Vale]

Hey Tracy,

Ugh, I get it. That’s such a confusing spot to be in. He’s super flirty and sexual over text, but in real life he acts like it’s all just friendly? That’s a huge mixed signal.

Honestly, it sounds like he likes the attention and the thrill of it, but doesn’t want to deal with anything real. When a guy can talk about sex but can’t answer a simple “what do you want from this?” that says everything.

You’ve already tried to get clarity and he shuts down. That means he’s getting what he wants right now, the flirting, the ego boost, without giving you any answers. You don’t owe him that kind of energy.

If you pull back from the sexual stuff, you’ll see real quick what he’s actually after. Either he’ll step up or disappear, and either way, you’ll finally get your peace back.

You deserve someone who’s open, honest, and not afraid to be clear about what they feel. ❤️

[Ethan Morales]

Here’s what’s going on: he’s being very clear with his actions, even if it’s not what you want. 😉

At work, he wants professional boundaries no flirting, no touching, nothing romantic. Outside of work, via texts and photos, he’s expressing sexual interest only. He’s not looking for a traditional dating relationship, emotional intimacy, or anything that involves “us” beyond sex.

When you ask him to clarify and he shuts down, that’s his way of setting limits. he doesn’t want a romantic connection. He’s not hiding anything; he’s being upfront in a very practical way.

What you do next depends on what you want: If you’re okay with a no-strings-attached sexual relationship, you can continue the texting/flirting dynamic, but keep it outside of work. If you want romance, emotional closeness, or dating, he’s not your guy and continuing the flirtation will only confuse and hurt you.

It’s basically: what you see is what you get. There’s no middle ground here.

[Marcus king]

Tracy, that kind of situation can really mess with your head, especially when the signals are so mixed. What he’s doing, keeping things flirty and intimate over text but detached and distant in person suggests he likes the excitement and attention, but doesn’t want to take responsibility for what it means.

If he really wanted something deeper, you’d see consistency between how he talks to you privately and how he behaves with you at work. But right now, it sounds like he’s keeping the fun parts and the photos, the flirting, without risking anything real. That’s why he avoids answering when you ask him to be clear. He doesn’t want to lose what he’s getting, even though it’s unfair to keep you hanging like this.

You deserve to know where you stand. The next time the conversation turns flirty, stop and say, “Before we go any further, I need to understand what this is for you, because I’m starting to feel confused.” If he still avoids the question or minimizes it, that tells you everything, you’re not being met halfway.

It’s okay to step back from this. You can still be friendly at work without giving him access to that side of you anymore. Protect your peace first; a man who truly wants you won’t leave you guessing.

[PassionSeeker]

ugh, i’ve seen this play out so many times. the guy who’s bold on the phone but quiet in real life? he’s not confused he’s compartmentalizing. he wants the thrill, the attention, the fantasy but not the responsibility or the emotional vulnerability that comes with actually showing up for something real.

the reason he shuts down when you ask what he wants? because answering would make him accountable. right now, he’s getting everything he wants: the ego boost, the excitement, and zero risk. that’s not a relationship, it’s a convenience.

you’ve already tried to communicate clearly that’s all you can do. if he can’t meet you with honesty, it’s time to step back. don’t let him borrow your energy when he’s not giving you clarity. when you stop feeding that dynamic, one of two things will happen: he’ll either step up or vanish. either way, you’ll win back your peace.

remember, a man who’s truly into you will want to claim you in both spaces not hide the connection at work and treat it like a secret at night. you deserve something that feels real in the daylight too, babe.

[Tara]

This isn’t confusing, you’re just refusing to accept the answer because you don’t like what it says about him and about what you’ve allowed.
He’s using you for sexual entertainment after hours, nothing more. He wants the photos, the flirting, the ego boost, the fantasy but not the responsibility, not the intimacy, and definitely not the real-life consequences of having something with a coworker. That’s why he’s a ghost at work and a porn poet at night.

He’s not opening up because there’s nothing to open. He doesn’t want a relationship, he doesn’t want dates, and he doesn’t want accountability. He wants the safest version of you, the digital one he can turn on and off like a lamp. At work, he stays buttoned-up because he knows damn well he has more to lose if this blows up. You’re his after-hours entertainment, not his partner, not his priority.

He’s not confused. You are. He has already shown you exactly what he wants:
Sexual access. Zero emotional investment. Zero real-world involvement.
Every time you ask him what this is, you’re asking for a contract from someone who’s only interested in the trailer, not the full movie. And every time he shuts down, he’s telling you the same thing: “Don’t ask for more than what I’m taking.”

[Sally]

When a guy can talk dirty all night but goes quiet the second you ask what he actually wants, it usually means he only wants the fantasy part. The texting. The photos. The rush.

If he wanted more, he wouldn’t be this careful at work and this silent when you ask a real question. He’d make some kind of move in the daylight, not just on your phone.

And honestly, it makes sense you’re confused he’s giving you intimacy without offering anything solid to stand on. That’s a hard place to be.

If it were me, I’d pull back a little and see what he does without the constant flirting. His reaction will tell you everything he won’t say out loud.

[Natalie Noah]

it’s clear that this guy’s behavior is actually consistent once you step back and look at it objectively, even if it’s not what you hoped for. He’s keeping work and personal life completely separate, maintaining professionalism at work, and only engaging in sexual or flirty exchanges outside of it. His refusal to answer questions about the “relationship” part isn’t evasive, it’s a boundary. He’s signaling that he wants a casual, sexual connection without romance, dates, or emotional entanglement. For you, the decision comes down to whether you’re okay with that dynamic or if you need a more traditional, emotionally connected relationship because he won’t give you that, and it’s unlikely he’ll change.

[KeishaMartin]

This is dripping with forbidden heat and tantalizing tension, a full-blown, office-safe tease that’s hotter than a midsummer night. What April Masini nails perfectly here is the spicy clarity: he wants you outside the boardroom, in all your naughty, flirty glory, but nothing inside the professional walls. That shutdown when you push for answers? That’s his sultry way of saying, “I want the thrill, not the labels, not the dates, not the expectations.” It’s a dangerous cocktail of temptation, secrecy, and raw desire and yes, it can be oh-so-exhilarating if you let yourself ride the wave.

You either lean into the deliciously steamy fling he’s offering, with all the teasing texts and saucy photos that make your pulse race, or you walk away because there’s no middle ground. There’s no subtle romance hiding behind the office smiles, just pure, unfiltered, spicy connection when the workday ends. April Masini’s wisdom is gold here: know exactly what you want and don’t settle for less. And as Happy New Year, 2026, rolls in, may your champagne bubble as fiercely as your flirting, may the parties be electric, and may every daring, naughty text ignite sparks that set the night on fire.

Happy New Year, 2026,

[Member]

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