[fgn996]

I’d really appreciate it if you’d help me with the mess I’m currently in .I’m 20 years old , my whole life i’ve never been in a relationship , until recently , 7 months a go a guy with me in college told me that he loved me , at first i wasn’t so sure about my feelings , he insisted on staying although i made it clear that i wasn’t sure if i loved him , we’ve been bestfriends for 3 months before he told me , i fell in love with not much later , and we starting dating in may . everything was perfect , i loved him like no one else , i loved him so deeply , that i was completely sure that he was the one , he always talked about wanting to get married to me from the moment we got into the relationship. and then about two months into our relation he started acting weird , he started being cold , not much like the guy who was dying for me to say that i loved him , and when i ask him what was wrong he would say that he was tired or that his grandma was sick , he would basically just say any excuses , i didn’t even know if he was making them up or what . we stopped seeing each other all summer for some reasons from his side and i started thinking that he stopped loving me for real . we drifted away and i don’t even know when or why . he says that he couldn’t take all the fights that i started . it wasn’t a perfect relationship in general . he would constantly just say that he’s tired of me and tired of how much i expect from him , while all i asked was for him to call me everyday at least once and all i wanted to see him , and then he stopped being him completely, he would treat me very badly , i stayed and i would let it go ,and he would wake up the next morning saying he’s sorry and then the bad treatment starts again . i kept asking to see him so we could talk things through but he refused , but he’d always say that he loved me . his good side would show up now and then , and then about a month ago this good side disappeared , he did nothing but treat me poorly and said that he didn’t know how to treat it me right anymore , we talked once and he told me that he wanted a break so he could figure everything out and the next day he called and said he was sorry and that he would never hurt me again and that he would go back to being him , this lasted for a couple of days and then it stopped he went back to being , then a couple of weeks later he told me he wanted to be friends but he loved me , and that he cant treat me right and that it wasn’t fair for me to be with him when he’s like that , i believed him and agreed on the hope that it was just a phase , but then now and then he says something that confuses me , like ” it;’s not the end of the world ” ” you’ll find someone who loved you better ” ” fate just didn’t want us to stay together ” and then he would say that he love me , he’s been giving me mixed signs like crazy , and i’m dying , i love him so much so deeply and no matter how much i try and no matter what he says or do , i just fall back to him . i don’t want to let go and i am not ready . please help me .
Thanks in advance

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m sorry you’re so hurt. A lot of this has to do with this being your first relationship. You’ve really put your whole heart into it, and now that it’s over, you’re having trouble accepting that the way he treats you isn’t the way someone who loves you will treat you, and that this is over even though you keep clinging to shreds to hold on to what is slipping away. 😥

Looking back, I think that the relationship was probably not as perfect as you say it was. Insisting that a boyfriend call you daily isn’t something you should do. 😕 Ideally, a guy will want to call you because he wants to call you, not because he’s obligated, and if he doesn’t, you’ll have an idea of how he feels about you — even if you don’t like it. When you insist that he call you daily, you lose the opportunity to see how he feels. I think that was probably something you will want to do differently next time around. 😉 Also, when you started dating in May, and then stopped dating throughout the summer because he lost interest, that was the first clue that things weren’t working out. The fights he says you started, the bad treatment you say he bestowed on you, the “breaks” that came during a 7 month relationship — these are all indications that this guy wasn’t “the one” and this relationship wasn’t meant to go the distance.

All that said — it was your first love, and that’s special and important, but from what you’re saying, it seems like it’s over. Now, you get to move on, figure out what you’ve learned, and get ready for your second love. 🙂

[Member]

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