[roughneckswife92]

My husband and i have been married almost 2 yrs. We have had alot if trouble during these two years. the other night i checked his yahoo account and found out he is on the match.com dating site and i deleted it. lastnight i did the same thing and found iut he us on the untrue porn and dating site. i deactivated that one too. he says he loves me though. i dont kbow what to do. he doesnt know that i know aboht the accounts he had. what should i do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

My questions to you would be: Is this new behavior on his part? And when did you start spying on his online accounts? You must have been snooping for a reason.

If this isn’t new behavior for him, then for some reason you haven’t mentioned, your husband appears to be actively looking for dates. Since you’ve only been married two years, and you haven’t mentioned any problems in the marriage, I think it’s time tell him what you found and what you’ve done and ask him why he’s doing this. You’re deleting these accounts isn’t going to fix the problem.

If he is willing to talk to you about what he’s done, I’m not sure you’re going to hear an answer that justifies his behavior, but sometimes people surprise even me! So hear him out. But I think you need to be prepared to end the marriage.

Let me know how it goes.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[roughneckswife92]

There have been problems but we got through them. but the problems were me. i was doing something stupid. i was doing the same thing he is doing. but i stopped and straightened up. i talked to him about it this morning and he said hre was looking for ne on those sites because i had been on a dating site before. but not those sites. i dont know what to do. i talked to him about everything and im not buying his answers because he is talking to one of the people off the porn and dating site. i wasnt snooping on his email. he never uses that email address or so i thougbt and i was gonna clean it out since i was cleaning mi.e out and found it. he has never done this before. the most he has ever done is talk to an ex behind my back. we were only married a few months then and he was having problems dealing with being that tied down. but like i said we got through it and past it. i thought we got passed my problems that i caused. im not so sure anymore. i love him. i tried to talk to him more about it but was told that if i started griping at him he was gonna go to his friends house til i calmed down. he was gonna run from his problem because he didnt want to deal with it rather me. Im gonna try again later when its all settled down and he isnt so angry. but other than that i dont know what more to do. i wanna trust him and believe that what he said is true but at the same time i cant.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’ve revealed more of the situation in your latest post — thank you for that. 🙂 It sounds like you need to get out of policing each other and focus, instead, on making the relationship solid. If you spend all your time questioning and mistrusting him, you’re going to force him into a corner, he’s going to come out lashing and/or force you into the corner, too. For example, when you questioned him about his being on dating/porn sites, he said he was looking for you. This is a no win dynamic that you have to get out of by not engaging in it.

I know this is going to sound like a 180 degree turn, but my advice is to quit blaming. You’ve both done destructive things in the marriage and you have to now focus on romance and intimacy to get back on track. Start with a date night. Make it regular. Nourish your sex life and do all the little things that people who love and care about each other do like sending him love notes, little gifts, and calling him during the day to tell him how great he is and throw compliments his way.

Get off the bad track the two of you are on and get on the romance train. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[roughneckswife92]

That helps so mych. we have talked through it all and now things are getting better. we play and do stupid stuff but its all fun. we have been having fun. all the little things that never mattered before matter now. we now enjoy all the simple things that make love stronger. we were really off track and now i think we are starting to get back where we left off a long time ago 😀 agajn thank you so much for everything.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. I’m glad I could help. 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

Posts