[Anthonychen]

Hi April,

I am a 25 yr old guy, and for some reason have never had a gf.
Now, there is this 21 yr old girl in our band that I am pretty keen on. Within a month of meeting her, I invited her to our house to have dinner twice. I am kinda “homestaying” with 2 hosts who are a bit like my parents.

The first time I invited her up we even went for a walk along a nature track close to our house. However, I am rather shy and have never given her a hug or any close physical contact. After that, she got a bit busy with her uni homework.

After a while, I invited her for dinner again, via SMS. She immediately called me up nervously saying that she just thought it was not very appropriate for her to come because of our level of relationship. During the conversation she was relatively polite yet indirect and kept asking, do you know what I mean… She also said she felt a bit awkward – and it would be fine if she was coming up with a group of friends rather than on her own……

I took it as, she does not want to be my gf, at least not at this stage. So since then I have never asked her out again. But we are still in the same band, and at that time I only had a L plate driver’s licence, and every week after our rehearsal she would offer to give me a lift home (which is just on her way home, not a special trip deviating from her way home). I also noticed that whenever her friends are around, she kind of avoids talking to me at all. But when there’re only the two of us in her car she chats quite a lot – and sometimes even flirts a bit.

I just think maybe I should just move on. However, I also know that she is a rather indecisive person. For example, one day she said she won’t even consider renting a house in a certain area due to the distance; and the next day she would change her mind and actually rented a house there.

I am tempted to directly ask her: is there any chance that you could be my gf at some stage? But I am concerned given that she is often indecisive, and we have only known each other for a little over a year, asking her this question might actually force her to make a indecisive decision right on the spot and would scare her off. Once she has said no it would be very difficult for either of us to change our mind.

[b]April, what do you think of the situation? Do you think I should just move on? Should I ask her that question? Or should I just wait and see?[/b]

Why are girls so hard to understand?????….

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since you’re in a band together and you already see each other semi-regularly, I think you have to be a little clearer about what your intentions are, so that she can give you a clearer answer. 😉 When someone is giving you a fuzzy response, look at the way you’re posing your question. I think in this case, you have to use the D word — date! And let her know that you’d like to take her out on a date — whether it’s dinner at a restaurant or a hike and a picnic on a weekend day. But do use the D word even if it feels cheesy and awkward because it’s clear. That clarity will give her the opportunity to respond in a way that will give you a better idea of where you stand and what’s going on.

When women seem confusing, focus your questions or your points of view more clearly — just because you’re being super clear and obvious, doesn’t mean that theory hearing or seeing the same thing you are. 😉

[Anthonychen]

Thanks for the advice. But yes, it is indeed a bit awkward to use the d word with her. But I guess if you don’t try you never know…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I know it’s awkward, and if you can you use words that take the place of date, like, “I want to take you out for dinner. I want to pick you up, bring you to a restaurant, get to know you, hold hands and if I’m lucky, kiss you goodnight….. ” which seems a lot more dramatic than simply saying, “I’d like to take you on a date,” — you’ll also get the clarity you’re looking for, across. The D word is the shortcut and the simplest way to get the job done, but if you want to riff on it, go ahead. Just be super clear. 😉

[Member]

Posts