[lonely]

After spending 2 yrs with someone that is living with me, I am not sure what to do. I will be a short as possible without leaving out crucial detail. He was not over his ex, that I didn’t know about until later on. He showered me with expensive gifts, one being an expensive engagement ring that now I know was given without any intention of marriage. But I am ok with this right now. He kept in contact with her (ex) for the first yr of our relationship…well almost a yr. Hadn’t for a long time then suddenly I have come to realize he has tried to contact her by text and calling and she doesn’t have a cell anymore because she told me so and he isn’t aware of this nor the fact that i know he has tried to contact her. I monitor his every move because of broken trust in the beginning of our relationship and don’t know how to gain it back. He has lied to me on several occasions about his past, and about small things too. He used to be very romantic and now that is all gone. He does do things for me but the little things like cards for our anniv., xmas, valentine’s day all go without notice. They aren’t important to him. But he knows it hurts me cause i have told him. He isn’t forthcoming with hugs anymore or just holding me. He kisses me when he goes to work and when he comes home. And during the day but nothing that is meaningful. I dont want to sound like his every move is cold but I am wondering if he still loves me at all or even if he ever did. He contact (trying to) his ex is bothering me even though I know he can’t. But is she still on his mind? Is he over her? He tells me he is. They have a joint loan which he is holding for her. She is paying it and wonder if this is the reason he is trying to contact her again. But in a recent conversation with her, she told me he wouldn’t because he owes her a huge sum of money after they split. So I am confused? Why would he want to talk to her then?
I am trying not to jump to conclusions without any evidence. But he has seemed distant. I want to talk to him but I am scared. He has made my eyebrows raise over some recent indicences as well. I am not sure since I have nothing concrete, but wonder if there isn’t someone else. He’s lied to me about losing his phone then miraculously finding it. Stains in his underwear that I can’t understand. And other little things.
I do love him very much. He is a good man even if he is screwed up…lol. Why I don’t know. I want to talk to him but don’t know how to approach him without putting him on the defense. Any advice would be more than appreciated..

Help pls…thanks

[Ask April Masini]

Wake up and smell the coffee!

Your fiance who you know has no intention of marrying you, and is in contact with his ex-girlfriend more than is normal, and who doesn’t give you Valentine’s Day cards or show affection any more is Mr. Wrong. You’re checking his underwear for evidence of cheating!! 😯 C’mon, now. You should really understand and admit that it’s over. That you’re still in the relationship and are scared to confront him are just signs that your self esteem is so low you’d rather be with a guy who is rotten than one who is a good guy.

Your questions to me are just ways for you to put off accepting the truth, and try to ponder derivative issues to keep you from understanding your fiance is a bad guy. He’s got money problems with his ex-girlfriend, and trust me, if you marry him, those money problems will become yours, too.

Forget him, and move on. Why waste one more minute with a man you admit “is screwed up”? If you don’t believe you deserve better, you won’t get it.

Time for YOU to figure out what you want in life and go after it. If this is all there is, you’re going to be unhappy for a long time. 🙁

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