[Frigorific]

Hi, I dated my ex for about a year and a couple months. The main reason I left him was because he admitted to doing something that made me really uncomfortable and I couldn’t get over it. I was disgusted when I spoke to him. Many months later, I went through a rebound relationship. I realized I really missed my ex. He’s in a relationship right now and I can’t tell if it’s serious or not. I only started talking to him about a couple of days ago. We used to talk about everything. We shared everything together. I apologized and he said it was alright, so we made amends. I just feel like I can’t start a conversation with him. I really want to be with him again. It’s a long-distance relationship. We’ve known each other for 4 years. He’s 17 and I’m 15. I know I’m young and lots of people say it’s only hormones, but I always come back to him. I really love him. He lives in Arizona and I live in Missouri. He seems to really like his new girlfriend and I don’t want to ruin their relationship, but I can’t get over him. He is still protective of me, I think. When we were dating, we spoke of meeting up somewhere. He promised me a hug when the time came. We were going to live together with our friends. Now he says he wants that with her. He still promises the hug, but I feel hurt that she replaced me so easily. He would never do anything to hurt me, he’s not like that. I just don’t know what to do. What should I do/say to him? Do you think he still likes me? What can I do to get him back? Is she a rebound relationship for him? I don’t know how long they have been dating. Thank you!

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

I think that you have to be practical. You’re both teenagers and you live in different states — and he’s dating someone who lives near him now. The cards are stacked against you. 😳 It’s really difficult to date someone in a different state when you don’t have a job and resources to travel and see each other regularly. So for that reason alone, I’d suggest you find someone local to date. You’ll be a lot happier and healthier if you can do that, instead of trying to put yourself into a situation that lends itself to drama in the best of circumstances. 😉

[Sally]

The kind where you keep replaying everything and wondering if you made the wrong choice. I get it. Missing someone can make you forget the parts that made you walk away in the first place.

But here’s the truth you probably don’t want to hear: he’s in a relationship now. And the minute you said you regret leaving, he could’ve opened that door if he wanted to. He didn’t. That tells you more than anything he says about hugs or old promises.

You’re not doing anything wrong by missing him. You’re just young and your heart is learning what attachment feels like. But trying to get him back right now will only make you feel smaller, because he’s already choosing someone else.

Let him be where he is. And let yourself move forward, even if it’s slow. You don’t have to chase someone to prove the love was real.

[Tara]

He moved on, and you’re clinging to a fantasy because it hurts your ego that he replaced you faster than you expected. You’re not in some epic love story; you’re in a teenage breakup you keep recycling because it feels safer than accepting that it’s actually over. He has a girlfriend. He’s planning a future with her, not you. That alone tells you everything you’re trying not to hear. The “protective” behavior you’re romanticizing is just leftover familiarity, not interest. If he wanted you back, you wouldn’t be guessing. He’d make it obvious.

You’re trying to wedge yourself back into a relationship that ended for a reason — a reason you were disgusted by, by the way, because you’re lonely and uncomfortable with the idea of letting go. And now you’re circling him like a backup plan while he’s committed to someone else. That’s not love; that’s desperation wrapped in nostalgia.

[Jerry]

You want to be honest about your feelings, but you’re unsure because you might end up hurting someone else. What you should do is choose what’s right—first, respect their relationship.
You were together before and it didn’t work out. Now that he’s with someone else, it’s better to let him be and not try to interfere or damage their relationship. That wouldn’t be fair to his current girlfriend.
You need to accept that maybe it’s just not the right time for the two of you. You’re both still young, and a lot can still happen. You never know—maybe in the future you might find your way back to each other. But right now, it’s not right to take steps to get back together with him when you know he’s already in a relationship.
Try putting yourself in his girlfriend’s position so you can better understand why it would be wrong to act on those feelings.

[Member]

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