[Nativechica20]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months, we’re both 20. We have had some ups and downs but we have gotten through it. We’re together all the time and I pretty much stay at his house. The bad thing is I went through his phone, which he gave me the password to and caught him sexting some other girl at 2:00 in the morning while i was asleep. I confronted him about it and he admitted that he was wrong and said he wasn’t thinking when he was doing it. That is the only way that he cheated in my opinion, well as far as I know, like I said we’re together all the time so there’s really no way for him to physically cheat. I am so hurt and upset and betrayed and we talked and he said he honestly isn’t mentally ready for a committed relationship but he wants me to show him or help him want to be ready. I just don’t know. I definitely don’t trust him but I love him and want to be with him. Please don’t ask why. I don’t even know right now at this point. On top of that, because I’m in college, I gotta go back home for the summer which is and hour and a half from where he lives and idk what he’s going to be doing so all this is on my mind. He seemed sincere when he was talking to me, of course we were aruging at first but then we calmed down and just talked. He really is great at everything else, he always makes sure I’m okay, most of his friends and family knows me, we have fun together and we have so much in common and our relationship was getting so much better cause we had a big fight over something before and out of the blue one time he told me how he really felt by saying he was seriously in love with me and never felt the way he felt about me about anyone else and that surprised me because he never really expresses his emotions like that and this is before I caught him sexting which confused me but idk whatever. but the way he talks to his “female friends” sometimes is too much and inappropriate and I told him I’m not going to tolerate it anymore. He said he promised to keep his word and will do his best to make me happy and he’s truly sorry he hurt me. He said when he talks to these girls, either there his friends and when he talks to them, he really dont mean anything by what he says. So my question is, what do you all think? Should I stay and give him another chance, it’s just this one bad thing that he did as far as I know and everyone makes mistakes or should I just leave?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you’re living with your boyfriend after six months of dating, and you’re realizing that he’s interested in having an extracurricular sex life, romantic life, and possibly more — outside of the relationship. You want things to work out between the two of you — but you don’t trust that he’s going to be faithful to you when you go back home (I guess to your parent’s home) during the summer.

My advice is to follow your plan of going home for the summer, and keep your eyes open. It sounds like he’s not as committed to you as you’d like, and while you’d like things to be different, you’d be wise to be realistic instead of slamming him with ultimatums and lectures for behaving badly. 😳 The reality is that most 20 year old men are not ready for long-term, committed relationships. They want to play the field. If I’m describing your boyfriend, then it’s better for you to understand who he is, rather than try to ignore it or make him be someone he’s not. Knowing he’s not ready for a serious commitment will keep you from getting hurt by investing in someone who’s not compatible with you and your relationship goals. But you’ll have a much clearer picture of things over the summer. Don’t forget — he may miss you a lot when you’re not around so much, and that may be what he needs to decide to get more serious with you. 😉

As for next year when you go back to school, if you’re still together, it might be a good idea to live in separate apartments and date further, rather than living together and putting pressure on the relationship that doesn’t allow you to see who he is, but instead makes you wish he was different. 😉

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[Nativechica20]

My ex boyfriend and I have been broken up for exactly a week today. We dated for five mths but the reason why we broke up is because I caught him sexting another girl and he said he just wasn’t ready to commit to me. It hurt me really bad because I was truly in love with him. I did a lot for him. I practically lived with him for a while but I’m over him. It was his lost. I was a really good girlfriend to him. Since we broke up, the first couple of days were tough. I missed him. Even though he did what he did, I still wanted him back but he just kept saying he wasn’t ready which pissed me off even more. But i let it go. I definitely don’t want him back now and never will. He’s 19 and I’m 20 and I need someone who is ready to be committed to me and me only and won’t lie and cheat. My question is how can I continue to get over him? Like i said i miss him a tad bit now and sometimes I want to call him or go over his house but I know I’ll be making a huge mistake and I’m going to be disappointed in myself. I wanna move on and I wanna forget all about him and the pain he put me through. I have been doing a great job with keeping myself occupied and not thinking about him but every now and then i catch myself thinking about him and it’s annoying. What can I do?

Nativechica20

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good question. I hear from a lot of folks who have trouble getting over a break up — you’re not alone. It sounds like you’re doing so much right, already! Keeping busy is really important, but so, too, is your attitude. This is the start of something new — not just the end of something that didn’t work out. You can help yourself remember that by [i]doing[/i] something new! For instance, color your hair blonde if you’re a brunette, or brunette if you’re a blonde! Move your furniture around. Give yourself a makeover and clean your closets. Take up the hobby you always wanted to, but never did. Join a group, invite friends over, and let others know you’re single again — in case they know anybody interesting for you to date. 😉

The more you focus on the future, the more the past will be a small picture on your rear view mirror. 🙂 I know that this is easier said than done, but you CAN (and will!) do it. 😀

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