[ray9702]

Two weeks later after I got married I came to know that my wife was a whore. Even her brother(who is a pimp) took her to men for money as they were needy. I had to marry her in hurry due to family pressure that is why I could not take information on her during our marriage. My wife also hid those things to me.
Now I have a 6 years old daughter, I am a Muslim and I am still living with my wife. For the last 7 years I could not accept my wife as a wife. When I go to bed with her I keep my eyes closed. I can not leave her because of my daughter and family and acting like a good husband to keep the family happy.
But I am burning inside, feel lonely all time and dreaming living with real good wife and friend what I wanted. Its really hard to accept a women as a wife when I know she was a whore.
Do not know what will happen in future, I am still 35 years old. How long I have to live like a living stone? Is it my fault or bad luck?
How would be my feeling while living with a whore who did sex with many men for money? How can I talk normally with my wife and brother in law when I know he sold my wife to other men for money. I am now going through very tough mental condition. Can you please give me a good suggestion. What would be a wise solution?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re in a tough situation, and I understand your pain, but here’s what you have to do to find peace: You have to understand two things. 1) You have to understand why your wife did what she did and why she no longer does what she did. 2) You have to understand why you married her.

Lots of people, who are good and well intentioned, do bad things at times in their lives, because of situations, circumstances — there are lots of reasons. The fact that she is no longer a prostitute is more important than the fact that she was one. I’m not sure how you found out about her past, but you’ve got second problem that is her withholding that information from you. She wasn’t honest with you, and it’s understandable that you’d wonder what else she wasn’t honest about. Open the channel of communication with her, and talk to her. But more importantly, listen. If you have anger that you have to get out, that’s understandable, but don’t stop at the anger. You have to get that anger out, but also express your disappointment, and you have to ask her to help you, as your wife, to get past this.

You also have to take responsibility for your part in the marriage. Blaming her entirely isn’t fair. Whatever rush you were in to get married, didn’t serve you, and you’re an adult, so that absence of dating to really get to know someone, is something you’re responsible for. Admit your part in this to her, but also ask her how you can trust her to not withhold information in the future.

As for her brother, you should find out more about why he did what he did, and because your relationship with him, as a brother in law, can be more distant, it probably should be. At least, for now.

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go.

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