[sabicas]

Hello, I’m a hetero male who has falling in love with my friend who is a girl and who is lesbian. We met in school and became close friends and I knew from the beginning she was lesbian. Not long after we began to spend time together I began having/developing strong feelings for her. Initially, I thought my feelings for her was out of an infatuation but found that my feelings for her only intensified as time went on. I struggled with what to do with these feelings and thought that perhaps if I only told her how I really felt then I would be ok and things would be fine. But in the end I decided not to tell her how I felt because I knew it would change our friendship, and didn’t want our friendship to be “awkward.” I told myself that I could let go of these strong feelings/and or separate them and somehow keep my “friendship,” feelings and still remain friends with her. But I find that I can’t seem to let go of these feelings and find that they change how I behave when I am around her. I often feel that I am “pretending” when I am around her and at times I feel I push her away creating distance-though that really isn’t my intention. I’m not sure if I’m struggling with something about myself that I’m not aware of yet or if I am struggling with the fact I love someone who I know can’t love me in the way I want. Do you have any insight on what I may be feeling/going through? Have you encountered a circumstance like this before? Is there a name for it? Thank you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

She’s not your friend — she’s someone you want to be with. That’s not friendship. It’s romance, lust — feelings you have about a love interest. Because she’s not interested in men, and you’re a man, I think you should focus that energy elsewhere. Try to find someone who wants to date you. 😉 You’ll feel more peaceful if you have some romantic success, rather than this anxiety over feelings of love for someone who’s interested in women, which makes the two of you incompatible.

Hope that helps. Let me know if you have any more questions.

[Member]

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