[butterkup]

I have been seeing a man i adore for a couple of months. Me and him have so many of the same interests and share them together regualrly go out on dates but he insists it is only freinds with benefits. Now most of the events we go to together are in bars as we are singers and we do drink. At the end of the night he usually tells me things like he has feeling for me and we end up spending the night togehter and the next day going out for a meal and sharing time together. Anyway lately things have happened which have caused us to have fights but sually a few days later wemake up and all is good. ALst time the fight caused him to tell me to &**^*(^*( off and not contact him every again he text me for 12 hours reenforcing this fact. I decided at that point to move on. The following Wednesday night I met another man at the bar I was singing at and had a one night stand it felt great inthe respect is was without some of the tension i had been putting up with. Freinds with benfits man last year left an extremly abusive relationship which has left him scarred. Anyway Friday I text him and asked how he was and he said that he wsnt aware that me and him had any issues and it was all good and later in the night we met up and spent the night together after a long talk the next day he made me meals and we went shopping and that night we went out and had a lovely time. In the early hours of the next morning he told me about some of his problems and i felt compelled to tell him about my one night stand. Alll my firends say friends with benefits usually means both can see other people anyway cause its no strings. At this piont he became upset and ran out of my carr and sprinted down the street i spent an hour looking for him and didnt find him it is now nearly a day later and hes not answering his phone or texting me. I dont know what to do as I care for him deeply and do not want to loose him in anyway or form. But the constant drma is also very very draining.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]I dont know what to do as I care for him deeply and do not want to loose him in anyway or form. But the constant drma is also very very draining.[/quote]

There’s nothing you can lose, because you don’t really have anything from him to lose. 😮 Friends with benefits means, basically, you’re having sex with him because he doesn’t want an emotional commitment and neither do you. So, if you agree to this relationship, which you have, there’s nothing really to lose.

Your having a one night stand and telling him about it complicated things, so if you don’t want complications, either don’t have one night stands; or don’t tell anyone about them; or don’t have friends with benefits relationships and then expect the relationship to be more than what you agreed to. 😕

This one is all about you and your behavior and decisions. Decide what you want, and go for it — but if you decide to change the game mid-stream, expect the fail rate to be a lot higher.

I’m trying to be even handed in my advice because what I really believe is that if you want a relationship, friends with benefits is a bad route for you to take. 😳

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter. 😀

[butterkup]

basically I stopped him on sunday night and we talked hes become very bitter towards me but i still dont belive that feinds with benfots is supposed to be monogamus he said we had a good thing going and that i knew from the start that if i was to sleepwith someone else it would be over. Hes making an issue right now to let me know hes going to seek other woman and make sure i see them. All I am getting from him is about how I hurt him. I had a few abusive texts this morning. And so it continues.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I hope you’ll re-read my advice and take it. 😉

Let me know how things go, and what you decide to do differently.

You can follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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