[bigisbad]

well, im trying to figure out what i can do. my wife of 2 yrs (been together over 6), tells me that she doesnt like having sex with me because of my size. she says it hurts and she has cramping for some time after we do. she enjoys the sex, but not the after effect. and sometimes i will hit the wrong spot and put her in a lot of pain. i know i have an above average size, but i dont think it is TOO BIG! but she does. what can i do to help her enjoy sex more and maybe stop or null the pains she gets from me. this is my first post, so please be gentle. also, this is my second marriage, and had the same issue with my ex wife. wtf???

[Ask April Masini]

First of all, a trip to the medical doctor is in order for your wife. It’s important to rule out any physical problems that may be causing her pain during intercourse. So make an appointment for your wife today! 🙂 There may be something the doctor can help her with. And even though you had this same problem with your ex-wife, it doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily you.

Second of all, understand that sex and arousal for women is different than for men. It takes women a lot longer to get really ready for sex — and the more ready they are, generally, the easier things go, physically. If you’re at all rushing her — or if she is the one who’s rushing herself (which is [i]entirely[/i] possible), then you would both benefit from slowing things down.

Third, remember that sex for women doesn’t necessarily start in the genitals. It starts in the brain. Women are aroused differently than men, and seduction and foreplay count for way more physical pleasure for women than they do for men. So consider getting out of your usual routine, if you have one, and starting the seduction hours or even days before you actually plan to have sex. I know it doesn’t sound very hot, but flowers, love letters, sexy flirtation, arousing phone calls during the day, can all get her in the mood long before you’re ready to hit the mattress! 😉

I’ve written a book that you will probably find helpful called Romantic Date Ideas [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/romantic-date-ideas.html[/url] that give you a number of actual dates that are designed to get the juices flowing and the motors warming and revving. The dates offer step by step plans for you to make a day or an evening not just perfect, but intimate, and sensual. If they don’t work — let me know! (I’ll be shocked, based on the feedback I’ve gotten.)

I hope that helps — let me know what happens. 🙂

[bigisbad]

thanks, i have mentioned the doctor to her before, but it never went anywhere. i will bring it up again. we do rush things at times, but for the most part try and take our time so we both can enjoy it. when we first got together, our love life was intense and frequent. now it is not as intense and very spiratic. im not saying i want it every day (though it would be nice), but i would like to have her want me more than she does. i will give your book a shot, and will let you know what happens. we are very creative, and try and keep things spicy, its just her cramping the next day or two that makes it hard for her. ill get back on more as i know it. thanks again.

[Ask April Masini]

When you say that she’s cramping for the next day or two — this sounds to me like something the doctor really needs to take a look at, be aware of and address. Garden variety pain at the time of intercourse and for a little while after would be an indictor of her either not being ready for sex, and you being too ready, or as I talked about yesterday, a possible size incompatibility between the two of you that can be attended to by slowing things down, and making sure she’s [i]a lot[/i] more ready before you begin. But cramping for a couple of days after sounds like something you really need to get cleared by her doctor. If you have to, make a health date for the two of you — her doctor appointment, followed by dinner out. But make sure she goes to see the doctor soon.

I think that if you get this taken care of (and by “you” I really mean both of you together), your sex life will brighten considerably, and the bonus may be that if she’s not in pain, she may be a lot more ready, willing, and able! 🙂

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