[yoyobabe01]

I dated a guy for a while a couple of months ago. He treated me very respectfully and we literally clicked instantly, like 3 dates in the first week. He decided to move to another state to start a new life and job but he did not even mention trying to make it work so I did not want to mention it and sound desperate. I decided to break up with him because the thought that we could grow closer and suddenly it would be done without very little notice, it was a constant thought in my head so that is what I decided versus having a monogamous casual relationship.

After we broke up, I went back on tinder (which is where I met him). His friend told him and he texted me and made a comment about it. I told him I had to move on and that he didn’t try hard enough to keep me. The one thing he said was that he wishes I find someone who will treat me amazing, but as we knew we had to break up, I told him I did not want to find anyone else because I was happy then. To this day, I have not been on a Tinder date since him.

Over the next few weeks we did random texts about our lives. he finally told me he accepted a job and when I asked if he wanted to hang out before he left to let me know but he never did. After a while I realized that I needed closure so I de friended him off of facebook and it felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my back. He initially friend requested me when we started sleeping together.

After not hearing from him for nearly a month, randomly I got a friend request from him. I decided to accept it but after not getting any way of communication (other than being a Facebook friend) from him, I de friended him again. I did not think it is fair for him to see my profile but not talk to me. I had nothing to hide but still it could not be all about him. After a week or two later, he friend requested me AGAIN for the second time! For a while, I kept it as pending, but then accidentally I deleted it. What is going on?

Inside, I would like to hear from him again, because I do miss him, but I do not want to be the weak link because he is stringing me along by not communicating with me, but somehow keeping tabs on me.

[AskApril Masini]

How long did you date?

[yoyobabe01]

Surprisingly only 2 months but we had very very strong feelings for each other. Like we had 3 dates in the first week and started after sleep overs over half the nights about 3 weeks into it. We chose to be monogamous before we even started sleeping together

[AskApril Masini]

So, after dating a guy for 2 months, you broke up with him because you didn’t want a long distance relationship, and he was moving out of town for work. Now you’re upset that he’s requested to friend you on social media.

😕

You’ve been going back and forth, investing energy in this relationship — instead of being broken up and dating other people. I think this is a good time for you to take another look at your decision to break up. If you are interested, then you should be honest with yourself and decide if you want to give the long distance thing a try — but if you’re not, you should truly move on. His friend request is a pretty simple one, and you can either accept or deny it. But you’re looking for meaning in it, and spending a lot of energy deciphering it, when on the surface, it’s a ten second decision. 😉

For future, one of the best ways to avoid getting too invested too quickly is to use a dating timeline that I always recommend: Use the first three months of dating to decide if you want to continue dating someone — and after three months, if you do (and he does), then use the second three months of dating to decide if you want to be monogamous. This may seem slow to you — but the speed is intentional because it allows you to get to know someone (and yourself in the relationship), before investing too much. It sounds to me like you jumped the gun and got emotionally invested too soon — because you broke up with him as soon as you realized he was moving out of town, to protect yourself from getting hurt…. and yet here you are.

So, decide what you want to do with this relationship and then do it.

Let me know if that helps, and how things go.

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[yoyobabe01]

Since I have denied his friend request TWICE, should i friend request him so he does not seem turned down?

[AskApril Masini]

I think that since a) you’ve broken up with him, and b) you don’t want to date him, you should [b]not[/b] friend request him on social media. It’s just more of that back and forth that I wrote you about in my last response. You have to cut bait and move on if you’re honoring the break up. 😉 Keep the big picture in mind. Figure out what you want in life, if you haven’t already, and go for it! 😀

Let me know if that works for you!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

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