[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since she’s 23 years old, and you’ve been dating her since she was about 16 or 17, this is probably her first significant relationship. And because you report that the first year and a half of dating, was a happy time — but the next five years were off and on — it sounds like this is a relationship that was mostly problematic. You haven’t talked about why there were so many break ups or indiscretions during the five years, but something kept driving the two of you apart. If you want to win her over — you have to really focus on what it was that has been keeping you apart for five years. The problem may lie in her simply wanting more experience before feeling committed. That doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong. It’s just an incompatibility in what you both want at this particular moment in time. But if that’s not it, the key is going to lie in why the two of you kept splitting up and going off with others for five years.

I hope that helps. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I can understand how you’ve become heartbroken — and I’m very sorry. 🙁 It sounds like she is not much like the person you fell in love with over a decade ago. 😕 I don’t think there is a place for you in her life anymore, and since you were together for 10 years, from the time you were teenagers to now, that’s got to be very difficult for you. She’s chosen a way of life that isn’t compatible with yours and the best thing you can do is grieve the end of the relationship and move on. I imagine that’s awful for you to hear, but I think you’ll come to agree that she’s not someone who wants to be with you, is capable of being with you — or who you want to be with anymore. If you mourn the relationship, it’s the past not the present you’re mourning. As hard as this may be to believe, you’ll find love again — elsewhere. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m sorry that you’re still having some of the same problems you were two months ago. 😕 It sounds like he was upset about the issue of nagging two months ago when you wrote, and that remains a problem. 😳 It’s very hard to have a spark in a relationship when there’s nagging going on, since it’s not very sexy — and yet, I understand how you may feel reluctant to really want to give it your all when you were so upset that he’s had women sending him nude images and he follows pretty girls on Instagram, and he’s going out with his friends and groups of women without you. 😳

In general, the best way to get a guy to chase you, is to back off and not nag, but instead, give him something to chase after. 😎 Flirt with him. Be a little less available than normal. And basically be the woman you were when he first became interested in you. 😉

I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think that because this is your first relationship, you’re looking for relationship landmarks, like the L word, and since that one has been cheapened with way too much discussion, you should drop it, and instead, focus on the relationship itself, and not the landmarks. Stop talking about who said I love you and when and why…. because it’s just like picking at a scab. Don’t criticize and just let it go. There are lots of things in relationships that are more important than a phrase. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like she had some outside reason for acting erratically. In other words, it had nothing to do with the two of you, directly. It could have been another guy in her life or it could have been a conversation with a girlfriend over a bottle of wine where the girlfriend told her not to have a long distance relationship and the wine made her unfriend you. I’m guessing — but I’m also suggesting you don’t make too much of it because you just don’t know, and you have a delicate relationship because of the distance and the newness. So don’t get freaked out. Go back to things as normal, and when you do see her, you can mention it, if you want to, but if all else is going well, don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. That she got scared is one thing but that she is back on board is more important, given everything else. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It may not be politically correct to say so, but the truth is that men and women can’t be friends because one always likes the other one more, and in a not very friendly way — like when your “friend” talks about wanting to kiss you. That’s not something you say to a friend. It’s something you say to a person you’re attracted to. 😉 Once you get over the fact that the premise of your problem is flawed — you’re not getting texts from a friend, you’re getting texts from a woman who’s attracted to you (right after you broke up with your girlfriend, no less!) — you’ll be able to see your confusion stems from this flawed premise. She’s interested in you, and she brought up her wanting to kiss you to float the idea by you, now that you’re single. 😉 If you want to date her, then you should. If you don’t, then carry on, but know she’s not a “friend”. She’s a woman who finds you attractive. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Move on, my friend! Why on earth would you date a man who calls you a whore? 😯 Find someone who is kind, respectful and wants the best for you. This guy is not good for you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m so sorry I misunderstood the one point about him saying he wanted to marry you for 7 years — and then changing his mind after you had a child together. However, that really doesn’t change things. The’t bottom line is that whether or not he said he wanted to marry you, for 7 years he never did. And while you said you wouldn’t get pregnant without getting married, you did. You both said one thing — and did another.

I understand your wanting to have a baby and your concern for your age, which is your late 20s, and having a viable pregnancy, but the truth is that you could have easily gotten married first. All you need for marriage, is a blood test, a legal license, and a day at City Hall. It’s pretty easy. But you didn’t do it. 😕 While it’s easy to blame him, I don’t think it’s fair or productive at this point. I know you’re disappointed at being an unmarried parent, but that was your choice, and it’s probably best now, to focus on the baby you wanted and got. 😀 In the scheme of things, that’s the big bonus here. 🙂

Let me know if you have any other questions. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it — you’re an introvert and you want to know how to have relationships without feeling defensive or having to explain yourself to people who don’t get it.

You don’t need to lead with an explanation of your personality. In fact, try not labeling yourself. Instead, adopt a more organic approach. As you get to know people, they’ll understand who you are, and if they don’t, instead of feeling defensive, why not just move on? Don’t feel you have to explain. Just smile and walk away. Or pretend you have an appointment and exit. Not everyone is going to be a great candidate as a friend or a date. Weed them out by figuring out who is compatible. It’s not your job to educate everyone so don’t take it on. You’ll feel freer. If someone doesn’t accept you as you are, you’re not compatible. This goes for friends or romantic partners.

Hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How do you know he doesn’t mean it?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Please repost this as a “reply” to the string of posts you’ve already begun on this website, here: . It’s much easier to answer your questions when your history is in one place. I’ll look out for your new repost and answer you there.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It does not sound to me that he is afraid of commitment. It sounds like he’s angry. The things he’s saying are all tinged with anger and passive aggressive articulation. Fill me in a little more. How old are you both? How long have you been dating?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Fill me in a little more on the situation.

What, specifically, does he say and what are the circumstances. Also, how often does he see your mother?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, I understand that you’re back and forth on the idea of dating. This is normal because you’re a teenager. 😉 That’s why I think it’s a good idea for you to get off the internet and meet people in real life. You’re getting attached to a guy who lives in a different country, after only four days of connecting with him online. That’s a very short time and a very flimsy connection. If you meet someone in real life, it’s much easier to judge their character and your compatibility. I think some of your anxiety about dating is coming from the source of your dates — the internet. As for the age difference, I think your experience difference is way more important than the age. A 34 year old man who is connecting with a teenager probably does not have long-term intentions in mind. 😕 That doesn’t mean he’s not interesting and intriguing, but I think you should try to look for people in real life. I hope that helps. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It means she’s been thinking about you. 😉 It sounds like she’s interested in contact with you, and she’s fishing to see if you’re still interested in her. 🙂

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