[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. Thank you for filling me in!

It sounds like this new job is a big change in his life, and you’re having trouble adjusting to the changes he’s making. He doesn’t have as much time for you any more, but it’s not just because he’s on the job — it’s because he’s wanting to spend time with other people or just catch up on his sleep. Your needs aren’t being met, but he doesn’t want to meet them right now. You’ve pressed and he says you’re being clingy. Now, you’re concerned about the relationship. I get it.

You need to get back to a place where he [i]wants[/i] to see you — and feels you’re an asset in his life, not a deficit. I know you feel you shouldn’t have to do this because the relationship is a year and four months old, but lots of times in long term relationships, new events occur — a job change, a birth, an illness, etc. Often one or both people in the relationship have to make adjustments for these events even in relationships that have run several years or more. This is one of those times. 😉

Try to keep yourself busy, see your friends, and be understanding of his new changes. Adopt an upbeat and flirty attitude when you do see him. Make yourself the girlfriend he wants to spend time with — not someone he feels is an onus or an obligation. 😕 This will require an adjustment on your part, but if you keep the big picture in mind, I think you’ll understand how important it is for you to make changes in the way you’re behaving in the relationship.

I hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Gosh, I don’t have a Magic 8 Ball or a crystal ball that tells the future. Maybe he is figuring out his own stuff — or maybe he’s backing away because it just doesn’t feel right. The bottom line is that if he wants to date you he will — and if he doesn’t, he won’t. I’m not sure how old you both are, but at a certain point in life, you realize that your partner does not need to be your soulmate to have a successful relationship. Your soulmate may be a best friend, a child or an uncle. You and your potential partner have relationship goals and when there is compatibility, you can have a great relationship. If he’s depressed, it’s going to be difficult for him to have a relationship with anyone. And if he’s so depressed he’s not interested in communicating, that doesn’t really bode well for a relationship with you. But…. if he’s just not into the relationship and this is his way of moving on, he’s doing the best he can and the break is really a break up.

I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome — and good luck! 😀

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Doesn’t that seem like such a lacking response to my text? [/quote]

I don’t think so. I thought it was a reasonable and very nice and positive response.

[quote]Am I being unreasonable for expecting something more than that?[/quote]

Possibly. Why look for problems? Things are going well. Take that direction and go with it. Don’t pick at little things and look for problems. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think my advice is pretty good. If you have any other questions, let me know. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. It sounds like he’s angry about some things that may have nothing to do with you, and he’s acting out. So it will seem that he’s angry that you went away for the weekend without telling him or finding time to text him hello — but it’s not really what he’s truly angry about, underneath it all. It may be that he’s afraid of losing you so if he gets angry and provokes a fight, you’ll leave him and he can be right in his fear that you were going to all along. Or he may feel burned by some other relationship where the woman abandoned him and when he feels that you’re doing the same thing (even though you’re not), he’ll have a reaction to the original pain and you’ll have no clue that it’s not about you; you’re just the trigger.

Your questions are good ones, and my advice is to not engage in his provocation, but instead, take the high road. When he tells you that he’s going to be the bigger person and say hello, thank him — instead of getting defensive. Tell him that’s what you love about him. If he tells you that you didn’t do something — instead of arguing to be right, let it go and change the direction of the conversation by telling him you would never want to him and ask what you can do to make it up to him.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Yes! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Please post this as a “reply” to the string of posts you’ve already begun on this forum here: . It’s much easier to give better advice when we can all see your history in one place. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If this is who he’s always been, it sounds like you’re the one who just woke up! For whatever reasons or changes that are happening in your own life, you’re now not liking his character. You want someone who’s more ambitious and invested in life and less in sleep. If he’s sleeping a lot because of some change — he’s got new hours, or more responsibility, or he’s not feeling well — that’s different. But if he’s got a lazy character and you’re frustrated by who he is — and his response to your frustration is that he’s frustrated with your frustration…. you’re the one who should consider changing her behavior. 😉 It will be a lot easier than getting him to change his.

Make plans for your own weekend, without him, so you don’t feel frustrated by his sleeping patterns. Let him be the one to ask you out and invite you to do things with him — and if you’re free, you can accept if you’d like. And if you’re not free, tell him that you’d love to, but you made plans because you didn’t think he’d be awake. 😉 If you do this, and nothing changes on his side, and you feel lonely, you may consider that this incompatibility is a deal breaker. But before you do, see if you can take care of your own needs, working around him.

I hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you want to have a serious, dating relationship that becomes monogamous, then you have to get yourself out of whatever’s left of the friend zone, and become someone he wants to date. That means not seeing him unless he wants to date you and flirting with him so it is very clear you’re interested. I’d also stop sending those nude photos and videos…. that’s usually not how a serious dating relationship begins and if you can try and become someone he wants to date, not someone he wants to hook up with, you’ll have a better chance of the real deal. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Stop texting him, and back off. Also, understand that this is not a friendship. Friends don’t kiss. 😉 This is now an office romance — except you’re right, he is feeling pressured by your advances. Change your tactics. Be coy, not aggressive. Give him something to chase, don’t do the chasing. Let him be the one to pursue you, not the other way around. And if he doesn’t pursue you, understand he’s not interested, and the kiss was something he tried, and then decided that was it for him.

I hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I appreciate your situation, and what you’re doing is difficult, but you can get through this: First, keep the channel of communication with your partner, open and active. A single conversation isn’t going to do it for you. You may need to process what happened, together, at different times in the relationship, and in your own separate lives, in different ways. Keep talking and keep checking with each other about your own love and commitment. And confide in a close friend or family member. You’ll feel relief and may be surprised at the good advice and nurturing you receive in exchange. Accept that the relationship is not the same as it was and that’s okay. It’s different now– and it can end up being stronger than it was. Different isn’t worse. In fact, it can be better. Next, understand that your healing process (and the relationship’s) is not a straight line. It’s curvy and circuitous and it backtracks before it goes forward. So be patient while being tenacious. Third, forget this other woman and don’t confront her. Disregard her completely. She betrayed your friendship and your marriage. Giving her energy is giving her credence. Next. And lastly, take care of yourself. Physically, socially, emotionally, and spiritually. Do what you need to do to renew your care of you! That’s the best way to make a relationship with someone else better, is to start with your baseline: yourself. 🙂 I hope this helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

How long have you been dating?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Don’t freak out. This is simple. You met a guy on an dating app, which means he’s meeting lots of other women. You had one date, and he didn’t invite you on a second one. Part of what you’re feeling is that you may have blown it with your behavior. You had a Friday night date. He said he’d call. You took the lead and contacted him Saturday. I would have recommended that you not contact him — guys want to be in charge, and when you take that away from them, they don’t feel as good about things as if they chase and conquer. 😉 In addition, I would have given him a week or more to get back to you. By contacting him within 24 hours of the date, when he said he’d call you, you did come across as a little pushy and needy. However… sometimes you really like someone who doesn’t want to see you again — and sometimes it’s the other way around. The beauty is that he hasn’t wasted your time. Sure, it would be great if he had said, “You know, you’re great but you’re not what I’m looking for,” but then life would be too easy! 😆 When a guy’s behavior doesn’t match what he’s said, you have to be the detective to figure out the clues and in this case, when a guy doesn’t ask for a second date, he’s not interested. With that knowledge, you get to move on and see if someone else out there is right for you. 😉

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