[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m not sure how old you are right now, but I want to caution you about not dating men when you are a minor. You need to date guys your own age — especially when you’re a teenager. You should not be dating men who are adults. Sorry — but I have to shake a finger at you. 🙁 You can do better than this.

Your ex-boyfriend had no business dating you if he was a legal adult and you were only 15. Having sex with you under those circumstances amounts to criminal acts and he can still be prosecuted and sentenced to one count for each act of sexual relations he had with you. The statue of limitations varies from state to state. Your ex-boyfriend is in big trouble, and he is right to distance himself from you.

I know that’s hard for you to hear, but it’s the truth, and lots of people feel that they are above the law, but laws are there for a reason and that reason is to protect us. If you don’t agree with a law, that’s fine, but you should still obey it. You can get involved in politics if you’re inclined, and try to get laws changed, but until they are, do the right thing!

Here’s what I’d like you to do: I want you to focus on hanging around with your own friends who are in your age group. I want you to have a lot of fun that doesn’t necessarily include sex. When people have sex — especially women — they tend to lose their focus and get involved with people they might not normally hang out with if they weren’t sleeping with them. As you get older, you learn (hopefully! 😉 ) how to filter out the good guys from the bad guys. If you were older, you’d probably see very quickly that this guy is into himself, and isn’t thinking of you. He isn’t putting your best interests first and foremost. He may like you, but it’s not appropriate or legal for him to be dating you.

You also need to talk to your parents about what’s happening in your life. You need their help guiding you towards who you should and shouldn’t date. Parents may not be as cool as teenagers, but sometimes they’re useful. Talk to them about what’s going on in your life. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Just remember to keep your eye on the ball. I’d hate see you waste your time with someone who isn’t Mr. Right!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

One thing you can do about the size of your boyfriend’s man boobs is start hitting the gym with him. Without making him feel self conscious, invite him to take an aerobics class or a kick boxing class or a swimming class with you. If you can work exercise into your regular dating routine then your boyfriend will get the benefit of toning up his pectoral muscles regularly. In fact, give him enough compliments so that he’s encouraged to work on his chest by himself.

With exercise, especially exercise geared towards his pecs, as well as some dietary changes, your boyfriend has a good chance to work on his upper body with good results — for both of you! 🙂

As for having a small penis, everybody is different in what size, shape or style of usage works for them. I’m not sure that there’s much you can do about that. If your boyfriend feels that he wishes he was bigger, then he can certainly visit a medical doctor for advice. But if you’re the only one who’s not happy with his size, the ball’s in your court — so to speak.

Physical attraction is important, but as you yourself said, if this guy had an accident tomorrow and could never have sex with you again, you’d marry him in a second. If he’s that great, then you should consider working with what he’s got. Maybe this guy knows he’s too small to give you the kind of pleasure you crave, and has other ways to compensate! 😉

Let me know if those suggestions work out for you, and how things go for the two of you. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re hurtling towards permanent inertia, and if you don’t do something differently, you’re going to continue to [i]suffer silently[/i], as you yourself put it.

My advice to you is to take yourself out of this sister-brother relationship you seem to have with the man you have a crush on. Amp up your sexuality and your flirtation. If you don’t act like his sister, he won’t think about you as his sister! 😉

Don’t continue to be someone who has such a hard time opening up in life, that you continue to choose men who aren’t available so [i]you don’t have to[/i] open up! If you want more from this guy than just a friendship, then be the woman he wants to date, not just a friend.

If you don’t, eventually this guy [i]is[/i] going to find a girlfriend, and it’s either going to be you, or it’s going to be another woman who isn’t so crazy about his having a best friend who has a crush on him — and believe, she’ll figure it out. So the idea that you can just stay his best friend for ever and ever isn’t going to work out.

Be your best girlfriend self, and I bet he’ll respond as a boyfriend. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

So glad I was able to help! 😀

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The good news is that it sounds like you and your wife both have a commitment to your marriage and want to work things out and make them better. While that commitment may not be exactly equivalent, since what she did with her bar buddy was wrong and crossed the line, the fact is that she did not sleep with him or make out with him, and although her not sleeping with him was not exactly done gracefully (there was no reason for her to tell him she wanted to have sex with him, even if it was as a prelude to say that she couldn’t do it), there was no actual sex between them. So, you can take some solace in that.

I’d like you, however, to not focus on this other guy because [i]he’s not the problem[/i]. The real problem is the relationship between you and your wife. Marriages endure different phases of love and affection, and growing apart can be normal. But it’s time to put your love life back on track. 🙂

First of all one of you needs to break the cycle you’re in. And since you wrote me, I’m nominating you for that job! 😉 You need to get over your desire for distance, and take your wife out to dinner, or sit down over a glass of wine when the kids aren’t around, to talk about your feelings. Please don’t put her in a position of defense because that will just land you back where you already are. Instead, I’m asking you to muster your ability to offer your understanding of her loneliness and desire to be with friends away from her 24/7 “mom” job, and to feel attractive — even if it’s to the wrong man/men. If you can get her to open up without judging her, the channel of communication will open up — and that’s the key to everything.

Next, you need to start to be the man she fell in love with, again. It’s so easy for husbands and wives — especially those with children — to fall into the business of marriage and family and to forget love and romance. Managing a home and family isn’t sexy business, and when one or both parties feel neglected, they tend to blame each other, rather than take responsibility for their part in the process.

Seduction is the name of your new game when it comes to your wife, and I’d like you to start appreciating her — not just as a woman, but as a sexual being! Call her to flirt with her. Leave her a sexy message. Flowers work wonders. And make time for the two of you when the children are not around. Did I say “Make time for the two of you when the children are not around.”? 😉 MAKE TIME FOR THE TWO OF YOU WHEN THE CHILDREN ARE NOT AROUND. [b]Regularly. [/b]

Since your wife likes going to the bar with her friends — you be the one to take her out for a drink. You be the one to flirt with her at the bar. You be the one to give her a wolfish once over as she walks towards you when you’re out and about and not in the house or with the kids.

Doing this for your wife is going to start your motor running on it’s own, and since women always take longer to warm up then men do, work on her sexuality and yours will naturally bloom.

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

This is a problem solely between you and your wife. If you’ve made it clear that her friendship with her ex-brother in law bothers you, then it would be nice and appropriate if your feelings, as her husband, were more important than her feelings she gets from chatting up her ex-brother in law.

The question is what is it that you really want from your wife? You have to be clear in order to get something back from your wife. You’re not going to expunge this guy from your family’s life because he’s still living with your sister in law, and may even be the father of your nieces and nephews (if they have children together). So, even though he’s divorced from your sister in law, he’s still family. You’ll never completely get rid of this guy. If your wife calls her sister, there’s a good chance this guy will pick up the phone.

So ask your wife for something you can get. If you’d prefer she only talk to him when you’re in the room, then make that your request. If you’d prefer she not talk to him on the phone at all, then make that your request. If you prefer she not call him, or return his calls, but if he picks up when she calls her sister, she can make it short and sweet with him, then make that your request. If you prefer that she only talk to him on the phone when you talk to him first, then make that your request. If those things don’t work for you, figure out some way for you to request a boundary that she can give you.

So while you can’t eliminate him completely, your wife should be willing to make compromises with you to put your feelings first, and limit her contact with her ex brother in law.

Let me know if that helps. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, it takes two people to play the control game! 😉 So rather than point the spotlight on her, let’s turn it back on you.

It really sounds like there is a compatibility issue here. The question is, as you pointed out, is there a middle ground you’re both willing to walk?

When she behaves in ways you don’t like, your obvious choice is to impose boundaries so you’re not uncomfortable. For instance, if a dog gets shocked by an electric fence, eventually the pain will become prohibitive to his approaching that fence. So if you don’t like the way you feel around her, the obvious remedy is to limit your time with her. As soon as you get “shocked” by her, walk away.

The trick to doing this, if you want to continue the relationship, is to [i]calmly [/i]explain why you’re leaving the room, or why you’re not going to spend this weekend with her. For instance if she starts to nag you about your clothing, in that moment, you can say, “I don’t feel so great when you nag me, so I’m going home. I’ll call you tomorrow.” If you allow this to escalate, you’re both going to get so crazy angry that your fights will be about derivative things, and not about what’s really going on.

The hope with behavior modification is that she’ll want to be with you more than she’ll want to nag you, so she’ll learn that if she wants your company, she has to make things more comfortable for you, and when you’re clear about what makes you uncomfortable (her nagging), then it makes her easier to make you comfortable by stopping the nagging behavior.

So that’s one method you can try out. It will change the dynamic in your relationship by giving you control of your own behavior so you don’t feel like a victim. 😉

The other trick is deal making. If she doesn’t like your clothes, offer to change your clothes — or go shopping with her for new trousers or a new sweater or whatever offends her — in exchange for no more talk about engagement rings. That’s just one example, but you can come up with whatever deals work for you.

I don’t think you’re overreacting, but I do think that unless something changes, you’re going to be wasting your time with your girlfriend. Eventually the good sex won’t be worth the misery you’ll feel of never being enough, when there’s nothing wrong with you from what I read.

People who control, do so because they feel that their own lives are out of control. There may be parts of your girlfriend’s life that she feels is out of control, and the easiest part of her life to control, is you. If she doesn’t take care of the real problem (which isn’t you), whoever she’s with is going to become the object of her problem.

I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

While you’re not with her, you don’t have to sit in a puddle of “poor me”. 😉

In fact, you can even work on yourself as a gift to you — and a strategy to make her miss you, and possibly get her back. (Living well in all aspects of life, is the best revenge. And if you think revenge sounds too caustic, consider your own evolution as a boyfriend women want and want to “capture”, as a gift to yourself after this 4 year relationship ending.)

In other words, check out my book, Date Out of Your League (since you’ll have some free time without your ex-girlfriend now), here. [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. You can read this book, and become a better man and a better boyfriend. I wrote this book for men who wanted a particular woman (or type of woman) and couldn’t close the deal, so to speak.

If your now ex-girlfriend sees your changes (because that’s what she wants from herself — more independence, evolution and changes), she may reconsider her decision to move on. In fact, she may see you as someone who, like herself, is looking to step up your own game in life experiences.

Lots of time women who are looking for independence look for men who are different in some way from what they’ve been experiencing up to now. Your girlfriend may say she’s looking for independence, but if you’re the one who becomes more interesting — and successful with women, she may realize that sometimes there’s no place like home to look for what you think you want.

Let me know if any of this resonates for you!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

As requested, I won’t tell you to move on. 😉

I’ll give you advice that’s harder to do, but could possibly work. How’s that! 😀

The work you need to do is on yourself. You’re right when you say that begging and pleading didn’t work on this now ex-girlfriend. In fact, while you needn’t feel ashamed (we all mistakes — truly! 🙂 ) you do need to learn from your mistakes and evolve.

What will help you for sure is to become a man who is confident and self-assured, because that’s what attracts women. If your ex-girlfriend sees you’ve changed she may see you as a new and improved potential boyfriend, and you may get your second shot.

First, you need to download my book, Date Out of Your League, written for men. It’s a book I wrote for my male readers who were having trouble getting the woman they want. While you may not think your girlfriend is out of your league because you’ve already had her, the reality is that at this moment, you don’t, and so she is out of your league. Let’s help you get her back! 😀

You can download the book for $14.95 (small price to pay if it works!) here, and read it by Monday. [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url] This book will give you every piece of advice, and step to step hand-holding, to assure you the most success in changing your attitude, outlook, and practices with women.

There is no quick fix for the problem you’re describing, but if you cool it and take action by reading and implementing the steps in the book, and feel free to ask me for help along the way, you have a good shot at getting her back, all other things being equal.

Let me know what you think as you read the book, and I’m here to help you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let it go.

His behavior is an indicator of how much he’s going to put into the relationship — not much! 😕 While he may be happy to see you, and even willing to spend time with you if you set up the dates or pop in on him at work, you’re never going to get what you want from him — a boyfriend who makes you feel valued.

One of the reasons I always advocate women not asking men out, or initiating calls or other dating-forward behavior is because men who are into you want to chase you. You can give them something to chase by being attractive, alluring and flirtatious. When you start doing the initiating — or in your case, all the initiating — you take away the opportunity for them to chase you. It’s much less rewarding for men, and they don’t feel great about being with you when you’re so easy to get. The truth is they’d rather win something that was a real challenge! 😉

The other reason I advocate women not asking men out is because it makes it very simple for you to figure out if they’re into you or not. Right now you’re confused because he acts pleasant and happy to see you every time you’re together — but he never initiates everything. If you would leave all the initiating and chasing to him, you’d have a much clearer picture of how much he likes and wants you.

So, my advice is to stop doing what you’re doing. He knows your number, and how to reach you. Let the ball be in his court, and if he wants to ask you out and spend time with you, he’ll do it. Guaranteed. That way you’ll know where you stand with him.

I hope that helps! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

When you say that she’s cramping for the next day or two — this sounds to me like something the doctor really needs to take a look at, be aware of and address. Garden variety pain at the time of intercourse and for a little while after would be an indictor of her either not being ready for sex, and you being too ready, or as I talked about yesterday, a possible size incompatibility between the two of you that can be attended to by slowing things down, and making sure she’s [i]a lot[/i] more ready before you begin. But cramping for a couple of days after sounds like something you really need to get cleared by her doctor. If you have to, make a health date for the two of you — her doctor appointment, followed by dinner out. But make sure she goes to see the doctor soon.

I think that if you get this taken care of (and by “you” I really mean both of you together), your sex life will brighten considerably, and the bonus may be that if she’s not in pain, she may be a lot more ready, willing, and able! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

This girl sounds great, and it sounds like she likes you — and you sound like you’ve done everything right, so pause for the applause! 😆

Don’t worry about semantics — calling a bike ride together ” a date” or not doesn’t take away from the fact that the two of you spent time together. In fact, since things seem to be going so well by [i]not[/i] using the “d” word, when you do ask her to dinner or to see a movie, you don’t have to label the evening for her. Your actions will do that for you, gracefully enough.

She probably likes you because you only call her every couple of days — I know you hate the “nice guy” talk, but the reality is (here it is anyway 😛 ) women covet and respect men who aren’t clingy and desperate. You sound like whether you’ve done it intentionally or not, you’re playing this just right. By not calling her every day, you’re giving yourself some mystique and making yourself a confident young man, not one who’s got low self esteem and needs continual reassurance. You’ve also made yourself compatible to her not wanting a 24/7 boyfriend, but someone who can understand her independence — and have his own, too!

That said, it is time to dial up your game, and take this relationship gradually to the next level — based on all the positive cues she’s given you. Invite her to a movie or for a pizza after studying — just the two of you. You can offer to cook her dinner or take her to a party. While none of these outings, on their own, scream “date”, you can continue to define your relationship with her by touching her back when she walks through a door, opening that door for her, brining her some flowers, reaching for her hand and holding it, and when the time is right, kissing her.

She’ll know by your character that you want a relationship and not just a hook up or a casual date — so just keep on the same track you’re already on — you’re doing great. Let me know how things go! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Forget him — why are [b]you[/b] spending time with someone who isn’t treating you like he likes you or respects your company?

Lots of time women waste their lives, month by month and year by year, trying to turn the wrong men into Mr. Right, and then all of a sudden, decades have passed and they’re wondering where all the good men are! Well, I’m here to tell you that if you stop spending your time on the wrong guys, you’ll be available for the right ones. When you allow yourself to get tied up socially and waste time emotionally on men who don’t have the qualities of someone who’s going to be Mr. Right or are able to commit, you’re keeping yourself out of the winning game.

Dating is a numbers game, and in order to find the right guy, you have to keep getting up to bat, but you have to be discerning about who’s pitches you’re going to swing at. This guy is throwing you an outside pitch — it’s not even over the plate — so don’t swing!

Don’t date men with trust issues. Don’t date men who feel you have to prove something to them — especially when you haven’t done anything wrong. Don’t date men who aren’t nice to you! And don’t waste your time wondering what’s wrong with him. Instead, think about what’s right with you, and who deserves you!

You’d benefit from my book called Think & Date Like A Man, that you can download here [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url] and finish reading by Friday night! This book will help you date more efficiently. It’s a great buy for women who want a great relationship. It will save you years of bad dating. I promise! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

My guess is there’s a reason you broke up with this guy 8 years ago, and it’s still valid now. His standing you up on 2 dates in a row is unacceptable, and on that basis alone, I’d urge you not to waste any more time on this guy. I’m not sure why you need an apology or an explanation — except that there is something about you that is wanting to stay in a relationship where the guy’s [i]so[/i] not into you he blows you off completely on 2 back to back dates and now won’t return your calls or texts. How much more clarity do you need? A neon billboard? 😕

I’m sorry this is blunt, but it’s really unhealthy for you to chase after a man — even for an apology or clarification — who is this clear with you that he’s not a good boyfriend, or even a decent human being. His excuses don’t add up to an apology, and your showing up at his house at 11 p.m. when he didn’t show up for the 2nd date was ill advised, but not psychotic. He’s adding insult to injury.

Accept the reality of what’s already happened as clarification enough. You’re not going to get an apology, and even if you do, it’s too little too late. You can do way better with almost anyone else! But what I’d like to see for you is to value yourself enough to not need this chaos and drama in your life. Stop looking to him for clarification and look to yourself. 😉

Mr. Right is out there for you — so let go of this guy and free yourself up for happiness, romance and respect.

Next! 🙂

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