[April Masini, your AskApril]

[i]Noo, noo, noo, noo, noo[/i] — I did [b]not[/b] say or imply that you should just stay with your husband and be civil and live separate lives. No, no. Not me. What I DID say was that you have to make a decision whether you are going to stay or go, and if you do decide to stay, and because you said you want to put the children first, then you have to be civil, and if he doesn’t want you any more, but your decision is to stay in spite of that, and so is his, then you will probably be living separate lives. Regardless of whether you stay in your marriage or divorce, you absolutely have to find civility and manners when you interact with your husband or talk about him or to him in front of your children. So let’s get that clarified first and foremost. The most important thing for you to do is decide YOUR next move.

Next, I want to tell you how empathetic I feel towards you because I can tell you’re working on this and trying to figure out what the best thing to do is. You’re going to end up all right — and even better than all right, but this is a mess right now, and you have to work through it. That I can see and “hear” you doing that is a really good sign. 🙂

What you need to understand is that it doesn’t matter if you’ve done anything wrong or not — and frankly, it doesn’t matter who’s done anything wrong or not. If you can stop blaming people and see the situation for what it is, you’ll be able to make some clear choices, unencumbered by emotions which can cloud your judgment. Hard task, but you are up to it!

I don’t think you should “wait until he decides to leave” as you put it, because that will just make you more of a victim. When you didn’t know about the affair, you didn’t know you had to make choices, but now that you do know about the affair, and your husband’s attempt to ignore a restraining order and contact his ex-mistress in spite of knowing your feelings, hers, and that she’s retained the help of the courts to keep him away, you can’t do nothing any more. You’re now aware and a part of all this. It doesn’t matter whether you chose to be part of it or not. So, given that, you should make a decision whether YOU want to stay or go — given the circumstances. You need to take control of things and understand that your husband is not the team player you once thought he was. Things have changed, and given these changes, what’s YOUR next move? I do believe YOU will have peace and a normal life one day, but I’m not sure you can have it with him. I believe that if you CHOOSE to stay with him you can find a way to not be bitter and resentful of him, if you ACCEPT who he is — for real, right now. I can’t speak for your husband. From where he sits, you’re furious at him right now, and his ex-mistress has rejected him, so he’s got some lousy options in front of him. Will he be bitter and resentful? Depends on his life choices from today forward. Since you can’t control him, it’s important for you to make decisions that will be right for YOU, and to understand that at any moment, life may shift again (it has a funny way of doing that), and you may have to adjust your decisions and your own life. This is normal, and you WILL get through it.

The dynamic you have right now with your husband is not a healthy one, and it does not bode well for the long term. When you say “he is behaving” it sounds like you’re the mother of a son, not the wife to a husband. When you say you are “forcing him” to fight the restraining order, again it sounds like you’re a jail warden and he’s a prisoner. No wonder he’s depressed and despondent. He’s lost his manhood in your home. He’s a son or a prisoner at best and worst. This dynamic will lead to more bad behavior, and probably a break up, if it continues.

Since you wrote last, it appears that your husband has violated his ex-mistress’s restraining order against him by e-mailing her, and the police would not show up at your house if there were no proof of his violation, so you need to stop pulling the wool over your eyes, and accept reality. He’s smitten with his ex-mistress, and he’s not obeying the bounds of marriage or the laws of your state. He’s really just interested in what he wants when he wants it, and I understand why you like that she has a restraining order that prohibits him from contacting her — but that if that’s true, why fight it?? Leave it in place. (And by the way, it is extremely doubtful that he committed a felony if he did not obey the restraining order. More likely it’s a less serious misdemeanor.) She is not lying. There would not be a restraining order, and a subsequent police visit to your home for your husband’s violation if there weren’t proof. You ARE deluding yourself when you think she’s lying. So far, she’s been really honest with you — in fact, she was the one who told you there was an affair between your husband and herself, not him. She is not your enemy. Let her go. Stop bringing frivolous litigation into court because you’re angry at your husband. It is going to backfire on you.

Now, when you finally ask what if it’s all true, and she is telling the truth (which she is)? This is where the real work begins, and this is what you’ve been avoiding.

I know you want to sacrifice and put your children first, but you’re not really thinking this through for the sake of your children. You’re stuck on your own anger and humiliation, and you have to take a higher road. Sometimes husbands fall out of love with their wives, and sometimes they cheat. Sometimes they leave, and sometimes they don’t have the courage to leave, so they stay and disrespect themselves, their wives and their marriages by misbehaving, as your husband has. You are not alone, and you are not the first or last wife this has happened to. Sometimes the wives who are cheated on are drop dead gorgeous and sexy. Sometimes they are young. Sometimes they are near saints for what they do and sacrifice. Sometimes they are skinny and sometimes they are fat. Men who mistreat their wives (and women who mistreat their husbands) are a fact. It happens. So get out of your rut, and understand that your problem is not special. It happens to other women, too.

If you really believe that he has crossed the line in the sand that is your limit in a marriage (and everyone has a different line in the sand of their own marriage), then you have to accept that you will never have safe marriage where there is security for you or your children with this man — especially if you do not believe in your heart he is sorry for his mistake and wants things to change. I, personally, think your husband wants out of the marriage but doesn’t have the gumption to leave. And if that’s the case then it’s your responsibility to move on and get a divorce. Just because you didn’t “do anything,” as you put it, doesn’t mean you don’t have responsibility for your family. If someone gets cancer, you wouldn’t have done to cause the cancer, but you would have to be the one to make sure your family member gets proper treatment and that the family goes through the health crisis together and as in tact as possible. Same here. In this case, your husband has cheated on your marriage, broken the law, and isn’t on a road towards healing the marriage or the family. He shouldn’t be forced to fight a restraining order, and he shouldn’t have to be “behaving”. He should want to make amends for his mistakes and he should, of his own volition, be bending over backwards to make things better and heal your marriage and your family. He’s not. And the question is, is this someone you want to stay with, given that?

If you do decide to divorce, get your OWN attorney, and discuss the details with that attorney. Talk to other women who have been in the same situation, and begin to wonder and paint the first strokes of what a life as a single mom would look like for you and your kids. Try and imagine yourself in six months, six years, and ten years — and what that could look like. I know you’re scared, and your husband is, too. But one of you has to walk through the fear proactively, and move on with life rather than staying in a home with no love, lots of anger, and police visits and legal orders against your husband. He get up and make the move. I think you can.

Sometimes you have to choose between 2 unpleasant choices. That’s what you’ve got — but at least you’ve got 2 choices!! You’re not a victim, and while you’ve had some bad luck, you’re not alone. Go through the proverbial open doors, and don’t give yourself a concussion knocking your head against closed doors.

Think this over, re-read these posts and talk to those you love and those who have gone through similar situations, to research your choices.

You’re going to be fine — but you have to work through this, as I know you will.

Please let me know how things go.

Sincere good luck! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Unfortunately you agreed to buy the house. That was the moment for you to stop complaining and understand your part in the agreement.

Now that you’re in the house, you’re doing the same thing by agreeing (tacitly or vocally) to spend money on home improvements and furnishings, but being angry about your agreement.

What you need to do is to put up some boundaries in the relationship so you don’t feel so victimized every time you and your wife make decisions together. And if she’s just spending without your consultation, and you’re upset at finding out about the spending on the house then you need to agree to joint spending habits so that, again, you don’t feel victimized.

Because you’re so upset that you’re losing sleep and can’t concentrate, I think that you and your wife have to agree how long you’re going to live in the house. When she asks you how she’s going to explain this to her friends, then you can tell her that the explanation is: My husband hates the house, and although I love it, I love him more, and where we live is less important than that we take care of each other, so we’ve agreed to live here for 5 years (or whatever amount of time you agree on), for me, and then we’ll move to a condo for him for 5 years (again, or whatever amount of time you agree on) for him.

Making deals is an important tool in marriage, so understand that you have different likes and dislikes, and there may be some compromise she can make in order for you to feel that the house is a compromise you’re willing to make. Try thinking outside the box, and make a list of everything you really want in your life together and apart, and ask her to do the same. Share the list, and then see if there are places on each other’s lists where you can trade what you want for what she wants and vice verse. It’s when people stick their heels in the mud and don’t compromise that marriages become ruined, or when people do things that they know they can’t live with, but do them anyway and never make a correction that marriages get ruined.

Don’t let the house destroy your marriage. It’s just a house. If you really want a low maintenance apartment or condo and maybe she wants to live in a different part of the country, perhaps that’s a reasonable trade. Or if you want a condo and she wants a decorating budget and free reign on the remodeling, maybe that’s a compromise. I’m sure you can come up with your own personalized deals. Just be clear where your lines in the sand are, and respect them because when you don’t, you end up not being able to sleep and feeling angry, and that’s no good.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Clearly this guy is not marriage material, and you should never have proposed to him. 😕 The reason is that in order to get a guy who’s going to be the man in the relationship you have to let him be the man. You took that opportunity away from him, and I think the reason you did so is that deep down you knew he’d never propose on his own and you cared more about getting engaged than in having a healthy relationship and a good marriage. 🙁 So you found a warm body with a pulse, got him to say yes to your proposal, and now expect some magic wand to turn him into someone he’s not! Wake up!! This isn’t a dream. It’s real life.

I’m sorry that this is harsh, but you’re really pulling the wool over your own eyes. He’s not that interested in being married to you, and if you’d waited for him to propose, you would have learned that yourself by the absence of his proposal. That you are disappointed he hasn’t spent even $50 on an engagement rings since your proposal 3 years ago is ludicrous. Of course he’s not going to buy you a ring — he doesn’t want to get married, let alone get a job or have sex with you.

Look — it’s very kind that he takes care of you when you’re sick, and he should get props for that — and maybe even job as a nursing aide in a professional facility — but the fact that a 28 year old man doesn’t have a job, doesn’t look for a job, allows his girlfriend to support him while he gets his college degree then doesn’t get a job (not even in Starbucks) to pay her back after he graduates, has no sex with her in spite of her desire, won’t go to the doctor to see if there’s something wrong with him that’s causing him not to have sex with her in spite of her reasonable request, but does masturbate to porn — and you think he’d be a good husband? 🙄 He’s not even a good boyfriend. This guy is a loser.

I’m shocked that you’re even asking me these questions because the answers seem so obvious, but here goes:

“What if one day you have kids and can’t work, what will happen?” You’ll go bankrupt.
“Will you lose the house?” Yes.
“Will you lose a lifetime of things “we” built?” Yes.

C’mon….you know these answers. The real question you’re not asking me is why do you spend any time, let alone these last 4 years, with this man at all? Seriously. What is it about you that thinks you don’t deserve better — because you can pretty much throw a pebble in the mall, blindfolded, and hit a guy who’s better than this without even looking for one!

Clearly you want to be married, have a home and raise children. Why not invest your energy in someone who can help you achieve this life together, who wants it just as much as you do, and works towards this goal with you? Your fiance may be nice when you’re sick, but he’s not respectful of you, your dreams, your wishes and he’s lazy. He isn’t pursuing a career, and probably won’t. So it’s time for you to move on. This guy is not Mr. Right.

I hope that helps — even if it is hard to hear. I do wish you luck. Let me know how things go.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your boyfriend is probably really happy to have you in his life, after his marriage failed, but his happiness may not be shared by his soon to be ex-wife, and you’re probably more empathetic to her feelings that he is because you’re a woman and you can picture yourself in her place. That’s probably why you’re so uncomfortable.

I think you’ll feel more comfortable once his divorce is final because right now the divorce is in play, and frankly, it’s not prudent of him to introduce you to her, and essentially rub in her face that he’s moved on and is in love, when she may not have moved on and may even be feeling rejected, depressed and angry — especially before the divorce has even been ordered by the court yet! This can definitely complicate divorce proceedings if his wife gets upset enough that he’s dating you and is happy. She may take retribution through the divorce settlement. She can hold it up. She can demand things she didn’t want before. She can basically try to punish him for being happy with you through the divorce settlement. So my advice, for now, is for you to stay out of sight so that the divorce can proceed and complete.

Once it is completed, then, the rules to live by when meeting his ex-wife are courtesy and good manners. You don’t have to love her. You don’t have to like her. You don’t have to be warm to her. And you don’t have to be nervous around her. You just have to be polite. Just as you would meeting anyone else who is a relative — or ex-relative of his.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re right to feel that you’re getting mixed signals. I think that the reason you’re getting the mixed signals is that your boyfriend has internally mixed signals! He says he wants to be single, but he acts like you’re a couple when he wants to, which happens often enough to get you confused! Understandably.

I don’t think you can MAKE him do things your way. I think you have to accept who he is, and understand that dating is about getting to know people and deciding if you want to continue to pursue a relationship when things get off course for you. Now is the time for you to decide whether or not you want to continue dating him exclusively.

If he balks at this, you can explain that you’re really just taking his lead since he says he wants to be “single” and for you, being single means dating with the goal of finding a man who is going to be your monogamous Mr. Right. You can ask him if that’s what being single means to him, or if he has some other ideas about what it means. This may open up communication for both of you and take you to an understanding, a revelation, or a change of heart. It may also make you realize you’re not compatible. For some people being single means avoiding commitment, and having fun — but then they realize that they care about the person they’re being single with, enough to want to commit. He may be teetering on this brink and uncertain of how to proceed next.

Regardless, you’re asking all the right questions at the right time — so good luck, and let me know how things go. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m so glad to hear that I helped and that your relationship is back on track!

Great news, and good luck! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Even though you thought my reply was harsh, it looks like we got to the same conclusion! There’s room for everyone’s opinion here! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You are correct when you say that you need distance from your ex-girlfriend. But you actually need more than distance. You need her out of your life altogether. She’s manipulative and controlling, and you need to stop playing the victim. I can tell you want out, but you’re not acting like you want out.

Tell her you don’t want any more contact with her. No explanations. No discussion. Block her number. Don’t take her texts, and if she shows up, don’t answer the door. It’s really that simple.

Your desire to know what’s going on in her head is going to get you nowhere. You can’t know what’s going on in her head — you can only know that she’s hurt you on more than one occasion, she’s lied to you and she texts you incessantly when you’re on a date with another woman. It’s entirely inappropriate and manipulative of her to tell you about her sex life after you’ve broken up, but this woman seems to live by the creed of inappropriate behavior.

Your life will be a lot easier and more peaceful if you can put up clear and consistent boundaries when it comes to her, and stick to them.

Good luck!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you’re looking for me to give you permission to ask her out! 😉 Well, consider permission granted. 😀

If you like her, and you’re insecure because you think you’re not very attractive but she is, but she’s a close friend who seems to like you and teases you, why not find out for sure if she likes you as more than a friend rather than continuing to go on wondering, looking for clues in every twitch or word or movement she makes or speaks? Just ask her to dinner, and make it a date. If she says yes, then you’ve got your answer! 🙂

What you may not grasp is that while high school stereotypes can be damaging, as life goes on, the geeks from high school rule the world, and get the hottest girls. As we all get older, geeks become the new jocks, and what women find attractive as they get older is confidence, success, sense of humor, intelligence, and — oh yeah, looks — but not in the way you may think. A well groomed guy who is successful and funny trumps Mr. Universe any day of the week!

So let go of your high school ideas of what you look like to other women, and ask this beautiful friend of yours to go on a date with you!

If you still need a little push, buy and read my book called Date Out of Your League written for men who think that the women they want are out of their league — and how to get them! It’s a quick, easy read and you can download it here. [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]

I hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

No. You’re not being [i]too[/i] jealous. Everyone has their limits on what is appropriate and inappropriate. You’re entitled to your feelings about your boyfriend friending lots of women and spending less time with you, simultaneously. Other women may not have this problem — but you’re not other women!

It sounds like you’re really looking for a boyfriend who has values that are more traditional and like your own. You certainly have a right to that!

I hope that helped. Good luck!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m sorry for your broken heart. Rejection really hurts, and it’s hard to accept because of the pain. Sometimes people hurt so much they try and pretend that maybe someone who dumped them really does want them — secretly or after all or unconsciously — just so that they can alleviate their pain.

Your off again on again boyfriend has made it pretty clear to you that he’s interested in dating and flirting with other women, and that he’s not that interested in you. You are more interested in him than he is in you, and when you get angry at him for not giving you more time or treating you badly, or making you feel like a nag, the anger shouldn’t really be directed at him. It should be directed back at yourself for allowing yourself to spend time on someone who isn’t interested.

One of the biggest factors in compatibility is mutual interest! Your ex-boyfriend doesn’t have enough interest in you for you to be in a healthy relationship with him. So why try to make him into something he’s not? You won’t win that battle, and it’s much better to walk through doors that are open instead of trying to pry open those that are closed.

It’s over. I’m sorry to be so harsh, but the only way for you to move on is to literally do that — stop texting, looking him up on the internet and obsessing over him, and start filling your time (and your mind) with improving on yourself, and looking elsewhere for guys. You’d do really well to read my book, Think & Date Like A Man, written for women and down-loadable here [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. This book will give you ALL the tips and advice you need to figure out what you want in Mr. Right and how to find him and keep him.

You’re going to be fine, but you need to start exerting energy in positive ways and not putting yourself in situations that are dead ends.

Good luck, and let me know how things go! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It is completely understandable that you’re looking for control — because you’ve lost it. 🙁 However….you may do more damage by trying to control things you have no control over. 😐

I understand that you want to keep your family together, but you can only do that if your husband wants to stay married. You can’t make him want to stay married. And you can’t make him stay married. It’s his choice. In spite of your threats about how the children will be damaged if he leaves. There’s got to be part of him that is wondering if he should leave or not. Brow beating him into staying won’t make him stay forever. It may make him stay now, but if he wants to leave, he will. His infidelity wasn’t about you, your marriage or your family — it was all about him. This isn’t a guy who puts his marriage or family first. He puts himself first, and while he may have made a mistake in the past, and may feel reformed now, there’s a basis for him putting himself first again.

I know that you think your husband “belongs” to you and not the other woman, but he’s proved otherwise. He’s given himself to her without your permission and in spite of it. The only thing that “belongs” to you is [i]you[/i]. The discrepancy between your thinking he belongs to you and the reality of his not belonging to you is what’s making you feel like you want control.

It’s sad when marriage vows are broken or even loyalty and trust within a dating relationship is broken, but your tendency is to try and bend the truth to make it more palatable to you. By making the other woman the cause of your problems, you can pretend that the real problem is not your husband. I would advise you to change your thinking. It’s easier in the long run to accept harsh reality so you can heal better (and faster) and make decisions that are based on reality.

I know that you think that divorce will damage your children, and that may be true — but keep in mind that discord in an “intact” family where there is no divorce can do just as much damage [i]if not more[/i], than a divorce. Your husband sleeping in the basement for 2 years 🙄 sends a message to your children that husbands and wives don’t get along. This sets a bad example for them to take into their own psyches and their own future relationships. So before you jump to the idea that you want to try and make everything the way it was before the affair happened, (which is impossible) think about what’s [b]really[/b] best for your children, if that is who you want to put first.

IF you can heal your relationship with your husband, even to a respectful and peaceful, if not deeply loving status, [i]regardless of what the other woman does[/i], then you have a shot at a healthy family again. If you are going to live a life that is spent REACTING to this other woman, then you’ll never have any peace in your family — or for yourself. I know you want to put the blame on her, but it’s misplaced. Your anger is with your husband. This woman is just a reminder that he cheated on you, and sadly, that you say he loves her more than he loves you now. 🙁 I’m not sure, judging from the tone of your posts, that you can move forward without feeling bitter and resentful. When you write that the other woman is a monster who destroyed your family, that’s not true. Your husband is the one who did this to you. Not her.

If you do divorce it is a terrible idea to share an attorney with your husband. So don’t use this attorney to counsel you on divorce issues if you are truly considering divorce. You will end up not being well represented because your attorney will have an unethical and split loyalty. He cannot represent both of you fairly or well if he’s representing you both at the same time on the issue of divorce. But for now, it sounds like your divorce threats are really more bark than bite. I know you want to DO SOMETHING to make everything feel good again, but before you can act, you’re going to have to get straight in your head what happened, why, what’s salvageable and what’s not, and since there is no clear answer, what you want to do next. Don’t be hasty. Think it through.

Overall, you need to get out of limbo. You can’t have a healthy family with a threat of divorce hanging over your head, and his head. It won’t work. You have to be in or out. Your choice — but you have to make. And then, you have to see what your husband’s choice is, too.

I know this is hard work, but I can tell you’re trying to do the work to make things better. Keep going, and make sure you take care of yourself by eating, sleeping and exercising.

Good luck.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

My advice to you again is to stop focusing on the other woman. It seems that she is not coming back into your life — she is trying to keep your husband out of her life. That’s why she got the court to issue a restraining order. I am not a lawyer, so this is not legal advice, but for your personal health, I would advise you not trying to litigate against her in court to prove she’s a liar. You don’t know if she’s lying, and you may lose in court, which would bring you exponential pain. If you win, you still can’t erase the fact that your husband cheated on you — and once this goes to court, it all becomes public record for[i] anyone[/i] to read about, which fuels your emotional problems even more. Besides, I believe that based on what you’ve written, the other woman is going to win this round if it goes to a court of law because I’m not sure what you’re suing her for — or the case will get thrown out first because there’s no legal basis for it.

What is clear is that the court has awarded her a restraining order against your husband. He needs to leave her alone, and so do you. If you stop acting dramatically, and your husband stops acting dramatically, there will be no drama in your family.

The problem is not this other woman. It’s your husband. Don’t get involved in this and become part of the problem yourself.

Since you’ve mentioned you and your husband have a family attorney, I’m not sure why you’ve retained legal counsel. Is this because you want to divorce your husband? And is this attorney YOUR attorney? Or does your husband have his own attorney in case you and he get divorced? I can’t imagine that family court is the place you’d sue this other woman for — I’m not sure what?!

I understand you want to keep your family together and prevent divorce, but your husband has made that very difficult. The fact that he’s sleeping in the basement for 2 years 😯 is not promoting family unity. Nor is the fact that you’ve retained legal counsel in case of a divorce. You can’t straddle both sides of the fence without terrible emotional discord — which is what you have.

I understand that you’re angry about what your husband did, but I don’t know why you’re confused. You were wronged by your husband, and now you have to decide whether or not to stay with him. If you want to get over his infidelity then commit to that and start re-building your relationship with him. If you can’t let go of the anger, then move on with your life and get divorced. Staying in limbo like this, and holding onto all this anger — and acting out on it — isn’t any good for your children.

I’m sorry for your troubles, but you have to find some internal stability and live your life according to it.

Let me know how things go.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

When couples argue, often their emotions take over and the fights become about who’s right and who’s wrong. The anger fuels this competition, and concern about each other’s feelings is lost in the argument.

If you can take the emotion out of your argument, and try to pick a time when you’re not fighting to have a talk about some things that you’ve had on your mind, that might set a better stage for progress. In addition, if you always fight in the house, or in a certain room of the house, have the talk in a different locale, like a restaurant or a park.

Start the talk by telling your boyfriend that you love and care about him, and that this is difficult for you to do, but you feel that he is so important to you that you’d be disrespecting the relationship by not being honest with him about your feelings.

Then tell him what’s bothering you by NOT criticizing him. For instance, tell him you miss chatting with him after work, and you hate competing with the television. Offer a compromise, like meeting for a cocktail after work at a local cafe before you both come home for the day. Or perhaps, having dinner together when he gets home so you can chat there, before he hits the couch with the remote control.

Listen to what he says. Don’t get bent on winning an argument. When he’s finished expressing his feelings about what you’ve said, pause. Take a breath. Take in what he’s said and try and empathize. You can tell him, I really understand you have a lot of stress at work and the television helps you de-stress. I appreciate that you’re so good at your job. Then pause and let him take in that compliment in a place where I bet you’d normally be battling him.

Don’t try to win — just try to be heard. And try to allow him to be heard without criticizing.

Don’t bombard him with a litany of your complaints. That will get you nowhere good fast! Pick your challenges, and take small steps towards improvement. Then, remember that this is a process, and you will probably not come to a conclusion in one talk. What this exercise does is to change your behavior. If he sees your behavior change, and he feels the change, his behavior may change, too. Getting out of your fighting cycle is the goal. Being heard, and fostering the care, respect and love you feel for one another is also a goal.

Let me know how that goes.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If this guy wants to ask you out, he will. You can do all the things I talk about in my book for women, Think & Date Like A Man [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], to arouse his interest and ratchet up the chances he’ll ask you out. Other than that, you should not ask him out. The ball is in his court. 🙂

[Member]

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