[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]….He said he would cancel his day with the boys so I could have them on mother’s day and his birthday and asked if he could be part of the party and just come for a visit , he said he cares and that’s why I was invited over , but in the same breath he tells me he never wants to see my family again and we have come so far but he is soo angry that I left,I’m scared that will block us from getting better . I want to ask him for family counselling , even if it was just on a co parenting level and for him to release his anger because he has said ” you left me” a lot!! I just don’t know how to ask him .?I’m really trying to sit here and appreciate how far we have come how much better we have come how much more we appreciate the time together and see he cares and it’ll take time , but when he uses the words like ” never” it scares me . I don’t know how to over come or help his anger without help for a counselor.[/quote]

You’re right. His anger will block the relationship from being intimate. But it’s his job to deal with his anger — and it’s not your problem to fix. Right now, the most important thing you can do is facilitate co-parenting for the boys. If their father doesn’t want to see your family, that’s a shame, but it’s not as important as his having a good relationship with the kids. Try to focus on that, instead of fixing the relationship you have with him or the one he has with your family. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good advice!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m not a doctor, and you’re smart to consider that this might be a medical issue. So call your physician, make an appointment and tell him or her what’s going on and ask their medical opinion. It’s always good to rule out medical issues.

Financial stress can be a bear, and it can definitely affect your sex drive and your performance, so whether or not you have a medical issue, you’ve focused on a major source of bedroom stress: finances. Obviously, if you can alleviate the financial stress, that’s your best remedy. Otherwise, don’t expect yourself to perform as you usually do because you’ve got this other challenge going on. In bed, focus on her pleasure first, now and then. Try new things and new situations so you don’t fall into the same sexual patterns that have lead you to this outcome.

There’s not an easy fix here, but if you try these three things (see a doctor, focus on her, and try new things), you may come up with other ideas that will work, as well. It’s a process that’s well worth the work. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You have to flirt with him. I know you’re probably freaked out at this prospect, but it’s something you have to learn how to do, and the reason is: it’s the best way to let someone know you’re interested. Believe it or not, he’s probably shy and scared, too — and unless you indicate that you’re interested, he may not feel confident enough to approach you or ask you out. If you simply flirt with him, it gives him something to chase after, without making him feel awkward or pressured, the way he might if you came out and told him how you feel. Simply smiling at him, laughing at his jokes, complimenting his sweater or asking him questions about himself, classes, a band — whatever it is — are ways to flirt. The more you do it, the easier it gets. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’ve only been dating this guy for about four months — and I think you jumped the gun on the relationship. 😕 If, at four months, you’re going through his phone because you don’t trust him, there are major problems. Typically, you’d still be deciding, at four months, if you want to continue dating him and whether or not monogamy is something you both want — because it’s so early in the dating game. Instead, you’ve assumed monogamy when he’s clearly not ready to commit.

If you like him enough to continue dating him, without needing this to be monogamous just yet, then you should continue dating him and see if this is something you want to continue. But if his playing the field is something that turns you off, then he’s not the guy for you — which I think is what your post indicates.

I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Definitely ask her out! Invite her to have dinner with you on a Friday or Saturday night. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both — and what’s your question?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, all guys don’t do this. He’s crude. 😕 However, if this is the only problem you have with him, maybe you can ask him — not during a time when he’s making these comments — if he wouldn’t mind not saying these things because it makes you feel uncomfortable, not sexy. And…. definitely do tell him what he does that you like, so you’re not just giving him negative feedback, you’re also giving him positive feedback. In fact, lead with the positive and follow up with the negative, but try to tell him in a way that it’s not criticism, it’s just that you like it better when he says, X, Y and Z.

Let me know if that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I would love to answer your questions. But first…. please repost this post as a “reply” to the string of posts you’ve already started on this site here: . It’s much easier for me to give you better advice when I can see your history in one place. I’ll look out for your repost and answer you there. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thanks for the age information. At your ages, sex shouldn’t be an issue, so either he’s got some health problem that he’s not telling you about or not dealing with — or he’s interested in someone else (or is already dating them). Normally, 23 year old guys like to have sex, often. Are there any other changes in the relationship besides sex? You’re right to be concerned. If everything else between you is fine, then you should talk to him about seeing a physician because of the change in his behavior. Offer to go with him. At the same time, you can look at your part in the relationship. Have you changed in the three years that the two of you have been dating? Lots of women take the relationship for granted and let themselves go…. see if you can get your seductive self back in gear and be super sexy so he’s more interested than he’s been. Also, look at other changes in the relationship for clues to his behavior. Have the two of you been undergoing stress? Has he — beyond your relationship? When someone is stressed at work, or from family, or any other place, sex drives can suffer.

Let me know if you have any other questions, or if there’s anything else I can help with. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Check out this post I wrote on why nice guys finish last. I think it’s going to help.

https://www.askapril.com/dating-tips-why-nice-guys-finish-last-1029.html

🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your boyfriend is either immature or else he’s using this as an excuse to do something he’s been wanting to do for a while — break up with you. As far as your behavior goes, the way you deliver the message sometimes has a lot more to do with his reaction than the message, itself. So, if you tell him that you’re going home to wait for him, and you’re cold and annoyed, it’s going to come across much differently than if you tell him you love and you feel sorry that he’s going through this travel snafu, and you can’t wait to see him. So check yourself, and if you were warm and kind, then this is his thing. But if you were snippy and chilly, you may have conveyed disinterest.

Hope that helps!

[Member]

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