[Anonymous]

It was a 2 year relationship, an emotionally intense, unstable, miserable relationship. The guy I was with was very unstable and so the relationship was horrible, sickening and unhealthy. I’m not sad because it’s over, I’m very happy it’s over and I do not like him in any way whatsoever…I’m sad and angered at the way it happened, the way I was treated and my wasted time for all the things I said, did put in and spent for 2 years. But this isn’t about that, I was just making sure it was clear that I am not sulking because I am not over someone I don’t even like. The impact and influence the person/relationship had on me has lingered for a long time and it won’t go away and I’m wondering if that’s normal and when it will go away. I used to be fine, content, happy…I’m not a sad person nor was I, I’m not a miserable, negative person, (I don’t walk around that way, I’m shy and quiet) but I was willing to listen to someone’s problems because I felt needed, like I had a purpose, like I was doing something… & it was a mistake…anyway, I love life and want to have the time of my life…I am even still optimistic of my life moving forward and my future goals even in the midst of my current sadness. I’m actually pretty perky. But after that had happened, I became depressed, and now everything seems to be effecting me…making me sad…it’s abnormal & confusing for me. I’m trying to understand it and get back to normal self.

[Anonymous]

Thanks April! I am trying to wake up..you see this happened before with my first relationship which I have a child from my previous relationship and I am realizing this is happening to me again..maybe it is me (as they say). I am so use to being attached to a guy that I am afraid to move on by myself..its scary to me…I am a grown women and I know needing a man is so childish… so at this point I am trying to detached myself.maybe it is caused by my childhood not having a father and because of that I need to be loved by a man to replace my loneliness during that time period…but its time to let it go because I have my father now but I am so use to this lifestyle that is hard to move on..I quess I have to take baby steps…just the thought of this being the 2nd time makes me just want to give up and be alone and forget men….Thanks April, even my parents say to move on…there are plenty of fish in the sea huh!

[Anonymous]

The only way to find out is to call and ask her out on a date. Texting is fine for confirming plans, but it’s just too sketchy for knowing what someone means about something. And it’s also a bit sketchy for asking someone to a Valentine’s Ball. But it’s done and over with so just let it go now. Don’t have any heavy discussions or apologize — just call and ask her out. That’s the only way you’ll find out if she wants to see you. Also, make each communication count — too much texting whenever you feel like it makes you seem desperate, not confident. Pick and choose your interactions carefully now. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

As much as it hurts, you gotta rip the bandaid off quickly. If you do it slowly, it’s far worse. That is what you have been doing. As much as it hurts, you have to cut all contact with her immediately. This person is not good for you. She is jerking you around but you are letting it happen also. The only thing that helps in these situations is to get some perspective. The way you do that is to get some distance. You and she continued to text even when she told you she was in a relationship with him. Being bored is not a good enough reason to continue to contact someone, especially someone who left you during your relationship to be with another man. So now, you need to do the hard work of separating from her. She apparently has no trouble playing the two of you off each other. That situation is not good for you. You have to set limits and say no. With some time, you will regain your perspective and feel a lot better. You might even wonder how you could have stayed with someone who did not treat you very well. Spend time with family and friends, stay active, do not respond to her texts, email, calls or facebook and delete her number. Just end it completely. She is not good for you and you have to take care of yourself now. And by the way, he didn’t ruin your relationship, she did. She left your relationship to be with him. You really need to be good to yourself now.

[Anonymous]

okay so it is possible for a guy to get over a rs that fast. i mean i dont know.. mayb the mind of how a guy and girl’s mind works differently.

[Anonymous]

We spent time together last night at my place. We watched a movie together and showed signs of affection. Later that night we kissed and some more. She did mention she didn’t want a serious relationship again. However, I know she has feelings for me and genuinely cares about me. In a way it upsets me she won’t make it exclusive but at the same time I can live with it because I enjoy her company. Am I correct in continuing to play the role as a friends w/ benefits so that in time something more can develop?

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear about your problems with your marriage, but it’s quite obvious that you’ll need to figure out what the heck it is that you want.

Obviously, you want sex – and you need it for an intimate, physical connection. That’s something that is highly important to most men – and women 😉 .

However, it’s not unusual for women to lose sexual desire for many reasons over time. Personal life and work stresses, a disconnect in your marriage, maybe even just lack of confidence, or lack of satisfaction about sex that has gone unresolved.

I’m going to assume that you spoke to your wife about her lack of sexual interest, correct?

Putting up with sex will make anyone want to cheat. I am actually new to this site, so I don’t know you enough to gloat in you eating your words, but I understand exactly how your feelings and actions can change.

Figure out what would happen if your wife discovered your affair. Figure out what life is like without her as your wife. Perhaps you love her, but the lack of sex has left you both married “friends”. If that’s the case, it might make you miserable to let her go, but if your stepping outside of your marital connection and don’t see any other way to “deal” with your issues, how fair is that to her? Perhaps if she knew about it, she might not like it but may still accept it over being caught in the dark.

[Anonymous]

Can I get some more advice please?

[Anonymous]

Hi April,

I was just wondering if you were going to reply to my email above? its valentines day and im dieing here and my post is the only unreplied one

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the response. If he wants to get to know me then why does he avoid me too sometimes?

[Anonymous]

April, do not smile in my face and go “no you aren’t! I’m glad to hear from you! teehee!” You are fake. At first I was going to just ignore your posts from here on out, but then I saw what you wrote on your twitter, which was a lie. You do not know what the hell you’re talking about. To say that I “lashed out at posters and got angry” because i was “dumped” proves that you aren’t professional, you are not here to help anyone and you are as cruel and pathetic as the angry posters in here who started shit with me for no reason. What you said on your twitter is NOT what happened. You don’t know shit about what happened to me, you didn’t even read it properly or understand it, and then you have the nerve to use what I came to you with (with trust) against me. Don’t you dare laugh about it, ridicule it and post it on your poor excuse for a twitter afterward in hopes that everyone will laugh at me and kiss your ass more than they already have in here.

You made my posts into something you knew it wasn’t. You only insulted me and lied on twitter to make yourself feel better about being called out on your horrible “advice” by me. The posters in here who actually helped me gave me real advice and you, along with your pathetic friends in here, are the angry ones, not me. You are supposed to be a professional who gives advice, supposed to care about your posters, take them seriously and act like a human being. Posters who come to you with advice trust you, and yet you are NOTHING like that. You take what I write when I trusted you since you were the primary advice giver, you manipulate it to match your messed up lies, and you broadcast it in such a childish, untruthful manner. You have been RUDE, you lied, you pioneered the fights in here, and you attempted to keep them going with that ridiculous post on twitter. You should be ashamed of yourself. I will complain about this forum. I appreciate the two other posters in here who were mature, read my posts and understood what was really going on; actually gave me advice.

April, you are cruel and a disrespectful fake; I do not want you replying to me anymore.

[Anonymous]

I went out with her again a few nights ago. We held hands and kissed (that’s all we’ve ever done) and tonight she told me out of the blue she doesn’t want a relationship. I found this odd because it was so random and I know she has feelings for me which I told her she did lol (and she agreed) and I told her I do too. I don’t understand why she would say this so I challenged her and she told me she has no confidence in her self and doesn’t want one and just wants to be friends.

I told her well if you like me why do you have to analyze the relationship? We enjoy spending time together and we like eachother why can’t we just continue what we’ve been doing and she said I don’t want to lead you on.

After that I drove her home, on the way home she held my hand. I told her again I don’t understand where she is coming from. She told me she wants to hang out next week. I told her if it is as strictly platonic friends I’m not interested and she was like I don’t know. When I got to her house I said well what if I was to kiss you the next time were together would you? She seemed unsure. I said well ok I’ll kiss you now and she said thats it I’m leaving now to prove a point and gave me a hug and left. I was visibly upset but didn’t say anything. I just drove away.

She texted me last night saying she understands why I reacted that way and she deserved it. She also added she didn’t explain herself properly. I told her not to worry about it and we can have some more good times together. She told me all she does is worry so I told her to relax and if she wants to explain then she can.

I really care about this girl and if she is true in saying she has feelings for me why won’t she go with the flow as opposed to analyzing the situation? I want to spend time with her romantically and if she has feelings for me what can I do to assure that happens again?

[Anonymous]

Unloved? What’s love got to do with it?

He cheated on his girlfriends and you’re nothing but merely a side project when he gets bored in his relationship. If he wanted anything serious with you he would have pursued it. Have you ever watched the show, [i]Cheaters[/i]? You know, the guy that has a steady, serious girlfriend and he is out cheating on her with a random woman, and when he is caught he confesses that the other woman was nothing serious, and that his girlfriend is what means the most to him?

Yeah. That’s your situation.

I suggest forgetting about him. Even if he did really like you and pursued you seriously, what kind of a man do you think he is, if he is cheating on his girlfriends? You think he wouldn’t do the same to you? Find a guy who actually likes you for you and who wants you as much as you want them. Have some pride and respect for yourself. Never settle. Don’t beg him to chase you by constantly being up his tail, uttering tough words like “you better leave her or we’re done.” There’s nothing to be “done” with. Let it go. He’s making an idiot out of you.

Answer: Stop being easy; what are you making out with him for if he is in a relationship? You sound very naive. They say they’ll leave just to keep you around for play. Leave him alone now or learn the hard way later.

[Anonymous]

Thanks so much for the reply kristin nicole, i feel like a fool, i definitely learned my lesson.

[Anonymous]

Jaga,

I agree with Answer – you got into this relationship knowing you weren’t 100% happy. I think you got into this relationship just to be in one. The moment he started changing and you were feeling miserable should have been a clear sign to get out. Don’t ever settle for someone just because. You have to learn to love yourself and respect yourself before letting someone walk over you. Not calling you back and coming up with 10 million excuses as to why he didn’t was unacceptable. In the beginning you stated he sort of pushed you into the relationship, but no one can truly do that, someone can be persuasive yes but they can’t force you to date them, you just more than likely fell for his kindness, as soon as all that changed it was a sign that he was “just not that into you” anymore. It’s hard when we fall and we try to fix a relationship that just isn’t there emotionally anymore, but we have to get up, and start over. You have to know that there is better out there, and don’t ever settle or sacrifice your happiness for anyone. A relationship is about working together to make each other happy, and if you aren’t getting that in return then you need to say BYE and find someone new. Don’t stress on why he did what he did, he obviously is unstable and not ready to commit into a relationship. Find someone that will and someone who will respect you and be there for you as you are for them.

Good luck

xo,
kristin nicole

[Member]

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