[Anonymous]

Thanks for responding and so quickly! We are not dating each other at least in my eyes. I don’t really like the idea of having a relationship online with someone period, whether it’s friendly or romantic and this really took me by surprise and its my exception. This relationship is pretty much where I want all relationships that start online to end. If someone was to come into my life (in person of course) that I wanted to start a relationship with I would be more than obliged to do so. This is a relationship that if we were to just remain friends I would be fine. I was just wondering was I overacting at the fact that we don’t speak as often as we used to and I guess with time I will find out if my anxieties to the situation were legitimate . I didn’t know if our friendship was slowly ending or if I was overeating to the situation…but again only time will tell.
Thank you again.

[Anonymous]

Thank you answer, i appreciate you understanding what is going on in here, and helping me as my posts asks for it. I hope I can mature and become more confident sooner than later. I’ll work on it so I won’t put myself in these kinds situations again. His problems are not my concerns. I have to worry about me and me only. Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

Hey divimommy , thanks for the reply. I gathered a lot more from it. As you said yes this whole …I don’t know if I can call it a relationship, but yes it is at the early stage. You also said that I should be careful not to be too overbearing, demanding or seem desperate, but how because he seems to be a bit scared when I even have a simple chit chat with him.

So as you say I need to show him that I am independent (I am a very independent person BTW but I don’t think he knows that), may be not ask many personal questions from him just in case if it scares him off, not text him etc…is that the kind of thing that I should be doing???? May be I should show him that I have many male friends and and talk to more etc…I am really clueless sorry…

You also said to keep the conversation light….as a matter of fact I don’t even initiate any conversation with him because I am scared that he will run away. So he is the one who always starts talking and when we are interrupted he wants to continue.

I would appreciate some insight to this because I really like this guy and I want to give it a go.

Thanks again

[Anonymous]

Nah I’m not trying to buy a book or find a way to win any woman over. I have lived a while and experienced many women, I have no problem in that area, trust me. I only wanted to know if she was playing a game, or if I’ve finally met my match.

[Anonymous]

It looked to me like she was more frustrated with what was said than she was “angry”. It was until actually angry posters came in and insulted her that I saw actual anger in her. As far as hurt, disappointment and sadness goes, now [i]that[/i] I saw. Women need to understand that weak, worthless men are nor worth a woman’s tears. A man must earn a woman’s kindness, and she must be happy with herself first, establish confidence; so that way, when the little boy dumps her, she will be okay and able to move on unscathed.

Answer: You must get self esteem. If you had any you wouldn’t have given such an emotionally depressing loser a second glance. Work on that.

[Anonymous]

Hi photogal: Just saw your post and thought maybe I could help too. I’m sure you’ll get a formal response from April but I have some experience with this type of male behavior. It’s actually pretty common and I’d bet that he does really like you, maybe more than you know! I think, a lot of times, as human beings, we are really afraid to ‘put ourselves out there’ and be vulnerable. When and if we do, we sometimes get scared and pull back to protect ourselves from rejection.

I’ve heard this type of behavior expressed as the ‘elastic band’ effect, with regard to a man’s behavior. Sometimes as woman we can get very affectionate and be seen as clingy or needy by men. Some men are very afraid of that behavior and worry that we will become little need machines demanding every minute of their time and making our lives revolve around them. Trust me when I tell you, no healthy man, wants that! They do want an independent woman who can do her own thing but can also be with them and love them exclusively. It’s a thin line to walk for some women. So, often times when we, as women, get too clingy for the man we are with, they will pull back a bit, but here’s the tricky part – as soon as we woman pull back and aren’t so needy, if the man really cares about and wants us, they bounce right back like a rubber band! It sounds like you don’t have a relationship yet and this is in the early stages, yes? If that’s the case I think this push and pull is very normal and part of the start of a relationship. If you want to take it to the next level, I’d sit down with your man and have a talk. Just be careful not to be too overbearing, demanding or seem desperate. That might scare him away.

You might want to keep the conversation light, you know? That always helps. If you are in that place where he has just bounced back to you after you have pulled away a bit, you might start a conversation about it lightly and say, ‘hey stranger, where have you been?’ or something like that. Then perhaps tell him that you like spending time with him but be careful to temper this with, not every waking minute but I do like spending time with you. Start doling out your affection for him more evenly and try to learn the cues and signals he sends out just before he feels threatened and pulls away. If you can spot those cues then you’ll know when to back off a bit and mellow out a bit so that he can come to you. Don’t forget some men are very macho about all of this too – if they feel you are going to make the first move to initiate the relationship they may pull back simply because they want to make the first move!

I think he likes you, photogal, and I do think he may be very interested in having a relationship with you. He might not be 100% ready for the whole ball of wax yet though. If you are patient and learn to read the signs, though, I think you’ll find him coming to you soon enough.

I hope this helps a little!

[Anonymous]

April,
Thank you for the response, I have actually asked her out more than once, I just have not gotten feedback one way or the other. I also know that I have a ton of competition, which is not good for me as I have never been one of the pushy variety, I am more of a guy that just goes with the flow. I am trying to show interest but not be overbearing or seem clingy, and to be honest I really have no idea how to do that since I have never really done that in the past.

I really just have no idea what to do

[Anonymous]

Why is bounceback89 creating a counter thread to his/her own thread question?

[Anonymous]

Hey thanks for the answers, I appreciate it!

I actually did ask her why, the first time I asked for her number we had just ended a conversation but she made an excuse I think, something about not having it or something. The last time I sorta asked, well not really but I did bring it up again as to try and make the idea more appealing to her, you know, as she was leaving I touched my phone and was thinking about asking but I said nah, I told her w/ a sly smile I said, I’m not gonna give you my number. Because you woulda asked or given it to me or something by now, can’t remember exactly how I worded it. And that’s true right? If a woman wants to call you she woulda asked for yours or given hers. So after I said that she said ok with a smile and followed that up with, I’m not gonna chase you if that’s what you want. I said I dont want you to chase to me, and somewhere during this idk kinda playful back & forth she said because i don’t know what your intentions are. & referring to Guest’s comment, yeah she does seem to have the power, yeah lol. So I was trying to get it back in a way, I said well we’ll keep it this way for now. We might get in trouble, that’s what I said.

And yeah she’s sweet and timid-like but I saw a new side to her that time and it was pretty attractive, I guess she thought by those comments I was telling her she wanted something from me and she was like all serious and emphasizing her point with hand like, look just because you may want something from me doesn’t mean I want something from you, and she was telling me to not speak that way to her basically, as if to say dont act like she wants something and that that is what our bonding is about and all.

I told her I liked that, she was like what, I said you’re stepping up, i like that, didn’t know you had it in you, and she referenced something i said in earlier (i told her she’s the type that you need to dig deep to get to know) and so in response to me liking that she stepped up she said yeah and you woulda never known that unless you digged deep enough right, and I laughed because I realized what she was referring to, and she backed up slowly and was leaving and as she was doing that she was like so now I’m ending this convo right here and I laughed, and I shouted out to her until next time though right? and she was like we’ll see. (but this was before we had our class together). But At that time she left like that I was thinking damn, she switched the power shift and took it back again hahaha. I just don’t know how to read her but it’s really appealing to me.

[Anonymous]

Hmmmmmmm what gives huh maybe I should ask her lol jp. Ok I’ll help ya from everything you said it looks like shes physically attracted to you that’s very important to women if you intend on getting a date a kiss etc quickly. The problem here though is she’s afraid of all the bad things that could happen such as maybe your a player or your intensions are to get laid. Her personality is laid back and be very cautious and not a move maker. Basically if you want her you have to be persistent be unique and let her open up at her own pace. She may not be ready for what you want to do yet so she’s purposely slowing you down with the powers she has such as the number or not accepting a date. One of these days you will be pleasantly surprised and the best part is you two will have bonded so much you will probably end up in a longterm relationship. One idea have you ever asked her why she refuses to give out her number her excuse may help you understand what’s really going on. I will guess that she will try to simply change the topic over answering that but if she does that it tells you this… I have my reason as why I’m not giving it to you and I can’t directly tell you because that would be awkward when you remove the barrier I have as to the reason why I’ll give it to you. My guess is she shy and not ready to let you go where you want to go at least yet so your currently being restricted until she’s more prepared and comfortable. Give more info as to current status so we can evaluate the situation further the more info the better.

[Anonymous]

whoaahhh gurly its ok. you have to admit the lady has got a point! i read the post and you should’ve have told him straight up “DUDE. your sooooooo not worth my time!” cause he wasn’t and in a way you did let him walk all over you like nice little welcome mat. and I know its SO hard to admit it because i’ve been there but you can’t give him the power that he thinks he has. and be realistic if he’s that much of a jerkface then no girl would want him! TRUST ME LOL! 😆

[Anonymous]

Thanks April. Anyone else have any opinions?

[Anonymous]

Um, I dunno who answer is, but is it just me or is he/she really mean in his/her advice, April? I want the honest truth, but I’m not sure I agree with what he/she said. What do you think?

[Anonymous]

He already told you, he isn’t into you romantically and you’re not marriage material, at least not in his eyes. And his opinion is what counts, is it not? He is at the point of his life where meaningless messing around is behind him and now he wants to be serious with someone and settle down. You’re not what he’s looking for in that, so you need to let go of the possibility of being with him in the future. Go find someone who will want you as much as you want them. As far as contacting him: that is not for us to say, but only you. You are the one that chose to act angry at him and avoid contact, and now you have to fix it and decide when and how you will speak to him again. If he wants to be your friend he will let it be known, and if not, it was great while it lasted.

Answer: Let him go. Be careful next time.

[Anonymous]

She isn’t obligated to tell you anything. Wasn’t it you who pulled the first disappearing act on her, in the first place? What goes around comes around. She wasn’t even obligated to get into a relationship with you after you begged her, or to stay friends with you when you cried for her to stay, which is kinda scary and rather emotionally unstable of you. She left because she got tired of your emotional abuse and decided she was better off not knowing you anymore. You need to look in the mirror at your issues before you place on someone else. You cannot expect to get into a relationship with all that emotional instability going on within you and success in it, or expect a woman to want to stay with you and not get sick of you after a while. Next time, work on your issues so that the next woman won’t have to suffer, and put forth more effort and less blaming other women. Frankly, you’re lucky she didn’t chop your head off when you told her you were single and blamed her for everything that went wrong.

Answer: Leave her alone. Go get therapy.

[Member]

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