[Sally]

It’s hard when everything feels right except the part that usually comes naturally. And honestly, what he told you… that’s a lot for one person to carry. Some folks really do freeze up when feelings get real, and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you.

But you can’t pretend it’s easy on you. Wanting closeness isn’t pressure it’s normal. The tricky part is you can’t fix this for him. Every time you bring it up, he hears it like a reminder that he’s “failing,” even though he’s not.

All you can do is be clear about your needs and pay attention to how long you can live like this without feeling small. Love shouldn’t make you feel unwanted.
Give it some time, but don’t lose yourself waiting.

[Sally]

This is one of those messes you don’t mean to fall into, but here you are. I’m not judging you. I’ve seen good people get twisted up by the wrong spark at the wrong time. That other girl woke something up in you that’s all it is. It feels exciting, but it’s not steady.

What sticks out to me is how your heart sounds split and tired. You say you love your girlfriend, but you also keep crossing lines that don’t match that love. And trust me, hiding things only makes the guilt louder.

You’re not a bad guy, but you’re not being honest with yourself either. Something in your relationship isn’t sitting right if someone else can shake you this hard.
Whatever you choose, choose it clean. Don’t drag two hearts through this. It only gets heavier.

[Sally]

It sounds like you’ve been pulled back and forth for a long time, and anyone would be exhausted. When a man says he needs space but still wants to know where you are every minute, that’s not love that’s control mixed with loneliness. And honestly, it sounds like he liked you more when you made yourself small for him.

The thing that sticks with me is how quiet you were about your own pain. You tried to fix things while he kept changing the rules. That wears a person down.
I don’t know if he’s a bad guy, but he’s not giving you the kind of steady love you’re hoping for. Sometimes the real answer shows up when everything finally gets still.

[Sally]

None of what you wrote makes you a failure. You’re not failing as a partner because you’re struggling, or because you don’t make much money, or because your boyfriend falls asleep before you’re even touched. You’re hurting because you’re starving for connection, and your body knows it before your mind can even say it out loud.

And him brushing past you after sex not checking in, not holding you, not even noticing you’re left emotionally wide open that would break anyone’s heart.
You don’t have to give him a speech. Just something simple, when you’re calm, like: “I miss feeling close to you. Lately I’ve been feeling unwanted and it’s been hard to say out loud.” That’s it. You don’t have to explain everything at once.

You deserve softness. And you deserve to be touched like you matter not like you’re part of a routine. Just remember that when you talk to him. Let it be about your feelings, not your worth. You’re not the problem here.

[Sally]

You’re trying to be open-minded and loving, but also terrified you’re standing at the edge of something that could change everything. Anyone in your shoes would feel the same.

Here’s the honest, quiet truth: once feelings show up, you can’t pretend it’s just “exploration.” It’s already emotional. And you’re trying to hold the door open without losing your marriage, which is such a hard place to stand.

You’re not wrong for wanting clarity or wanting her honesty. But don’t forget your own heart in all this. You’re scared because you know this isn’t just about her figuring herself out it’s about whether your marriage can hold something this big.

Just keep talking to her. Keep checking in with yourself too. You don’t have to be a superhero here. You just have to be honest about what you can really handle.

[Sally]

For being 15, you’re handling this with way more maturity than he is.
Here’s the part that stings: when someone says they “don’t trust themselves,” it’s not about you. It’s them admitting they’re tempted, and they don’t know if they have the backbone to say no. And yeah, that hurts. Anyone would feel thrown off by that.

But also… he’s still a kid. You both are. And boys that age say things without really understanding the weight of them. He’s not planning to cheat he’s scared of situations he’s never been in and trying to be weirdly honest about it.

The bigger question is what you want. If him going makes you sick with worry, that matters. If going yourself feels like babysitting his choices, that matters too.
You’re not wrong to feel confused. Just breathe a little. You don’t have to decide everything today. And whatever happens, you’ll be okay even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.

[Sally]

When a guy acts jealous and territorial without actually being with you, it’s weirdly flattering at first… until you notice it doesn’t feel good. It feels heavy.
From everything you described, this isn’t romance. It’s him trying to claim space in your life without actually showing up for you. Workaholic or not, a man who really wants something with you doesn’t stomp around, talk over you, or sulk because you walked into a bar instead of standing still like you’re on a leash.

That’s not passion. That’s control dressed up as interest.
And honestly, if he truly had feelings for you, it wouldn’t look like this. It would look like him asking you out clearly, treating you with respect, and being proud to know you not policing your conversations and moods.

You’re not imagining the red flags. You’re just finally noticing the pattern.

[Sally]

Here’s the truth you already feel in your gut: this isn’t really about him. It’s about your family’s biases and the way they hide them behind jokes. And when you hear that stuff over and over, it starts wearing you down, even if you love him.

You’re not wrong for being upset. Anyone would be.
But don’t twist yourself trying to make everyone happy. Your mom doesn’t get to choose your relationship. And she doesn’t get to make you ashamed of someone who treats you well just because she has her own issues.

Just be honest with your boyfriend about needing more time at his place instead of yours not because he’s the problem, but because your family is. And remind yourself: you’re allowed to love someone your family doesn’t understand.

At the end of the day, you’re the one who has to live your life, not them.

[Sally]

What happened before you met him isn’t a crime. You didn’t cheat on him, you didn’t lie to him, you didn’t betray him. You lived your life. And when he asked, you told him the truth. That should’ve built trust, not destroyed it.

But instead of dealing with his own insecurity, he turned it on you. And then he cheated, and tried to make that about something you did years before you ever knew him. That’s not healing that’s blaming.

You can love someone and still see that the situation isn’t fair. You’ve bent yourself in half trying to make him feel safe, and he’s still stuck in a story he won’t let go of.
Just be honest with yourself: do you really want to spend your whole marriage apologizing for a life you lived before him?

You deserve peace with your own past. And you deserve a partner who doesn’t punish you for it.

[Sally]

Jealousy isn’t this random monster it usually shows up when something feels off and you don’t feel heard. And honestly, the way he brushes you off would make anyone feel smaller.

You’re not asking for the moon here. You just want to feel respected. Most couples can talk about this stuff without it turning into a fight, so the fact that he shuts you down… that’s part of the problem, not you.

And no, it’s not his job to fix every insecurity you have but it is his job to care when something is hurting you. That’s what being close to someone means.
Just sit with this for a bit. Ask yourself if this relationship feels peaceful or if you’re always bracing for the next sting. That answer matters.

[Sally]

if a man really wants you fully, openly, proudly you’re not gonna be sharing him with another woman for two years. You’re not gonna be waiting around for late-night texts and “maybe” plans. And you sure won’t have to deal with drive-bys and drama just to keep a place in his life.

I get missing him. I get why it’s hard to let go. But he’s had every chance to choose you, and he keeps choosing the easy situation instead the one where he gets comfort from both of you and gives commitment to neither.

You being calm and firm is the right move. But the point isn’t to get him back. It’s to see what he does when he can’t use you for convenience.
If he steps up on his own, you’ll know.

If he doesn’t… then you finally know that too.
Just don’t lose yourself waiting for a man who keeps standing in two worlds. You deserve someone who knows exactly where he wants to be and acts like it.

[Sally]

Loving someone that deeply while your life is about to change… it’s a lot. And it’s scary because you’re not choosing between good and bad you’re choosing between two good things that don’t fit together right now.

Here’s the thing I’ve learned the hard way: love shouldn’t stop your life from growing. If anything, the right person wants you to step into the bigger version of yourself, even if it pulls you both into the unknown for a while.

And honestly… him telling you to go isn’t him pushing you away. It sounds like a man who loves you but doesn’t want to be the reason you stay small. That matters.
Long distance is hard, sure. But staying for him and then resenting him later? That’s harder.

Go. Study. Grow. If what you two have is real, it won’t fall apart just because there’s an ocean between you for a bit. And if it does fall apart… then it wasn’t strong enough to last the life you’re building.

[Sally]

Guys like this can pull you in without even meaning to, and by the time you notice, you’re already attached. It happens to the best of us.

From what you wrote, he liked the attention and the comfort you gave him, but he never actually stepped up. That “we’re only friends” line… that’s usually a guy trying to backpedal without looking like the bad guy. And it sucks, because he was the one who started the flirting, the texting, the date idea not you.

It doesn’t mean you imagined it. It just means he didn’t have the courage to follow through.

Take a breath. Let him be whatever he’s trying to be. You don’t have to chase someone who keeps shifting the story on you.

[Sally]

When someone goes from planning a whole future with you to acting like you’re a roommate, it messes with your head. I’ve been in something like that, where the guy kept pulling me close and then pushing me away, and after a while I realized the pulling back was the real him.

What he’s saying now… it kind of sounds like he’s already halfway out. Not cheating, just drifting. And I know that’s almost worse, because there’s no clear reason to fight.

You don’t have to hang around waiting for him to decide if you matter. If he wanted to stay, you wouldn’t be guessing this hard. Let yourself see that. It’ll make the next step a little clearer.

[Sally]

You didn’t do anything “wrong.” You were tipsy, you liked him, he clearly liked you, and you both acted on it. That part was mutual. What’s happening now is about him, not you.

Here’s the real part nobody tells you: some guys chase hard in private and vanish the second real life shows up. The minute he had time to think about it the power dynamic, the fact that co-workers saw, the whole “boss kissing an intern at 2 a.m.” thing he probably panicked. Not because he didn’t enjoy it, but because it suddenly got real.

He didn’t stop texting because of anything you did that night. He stopped because he realized the situation has consequences, and avoiding you is easier than being honest.

So what do you do now? Keep it simple. When you see him at work, just be normal. A quick hi, nothing heavy, nothing emotional. Don’t bring up the kissing. Don’t try to joke about him ignoring you. Just act like someone who’s fine and busy and not hanging on this.

If he wants to circle back, he will. And if he doesn’t, you’ll be glad you kept your dignity instead of chasing someone who suddenly got scared of the mess he helped create.

You’re not crazy it really was a spark. He’s just not handling it well.

[Member]

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