[Sally]

This woman is tying you in knots, and she knows it. She likes the way you make her feel, but she’s not choosing you. She’s choosing her boyfriend and keeping you on the side for attention, comfort, and maybe a little thrill. That’s why she calls you the second she’s back in town, why she hides you when he calls, why she gets mad when you don’t answer. It’s all about her needs.

And I know you care about her, but this isn’t friendship. It’s you waiting around while she builds a life with someone else. That doesn’t end well.
Pull back. Not to play games, but to protect yourself. If she really wanted you, she wouldn’t be juggling both worlds.

Let her relationship be her relationship. Don’t be the backup plan. You’ll lose yourself in that.

[Sally]

It’s hard to get to know a guy when his attention keeps drifting back to your friend even if she’s taken. It just makes you feel like you’re in the middle of something that isn’t yours.

He might not mean anything by it. When people are used to talking every day, they don’t always realize how it looks. But if you’re trying to build something with him, you need space that doesn’t include her voice popping in every five minutes.

You don’t have to make it dramatic. Just slow things down a little and see how he acts when it’s just you. If he keeps pulling her into every moment, that tells you where his comfort sits.
You’re allowed to want a situation that feels clean and simple. And this one doesn’t yet.

[Sally]

When you care about someone, bringing them into your family feels natural, and it hurts when they pull back. But honestly? Some people get weird around family stuff. It’s not always about you. Weddings, big gatherings they can feel like a lot of pressure, especially if he isn’t sure where he fits in yet.

What I don’t love is how one-sided it feels. You’re showing up for his people, but he won’t do the same for yours. That imbalance starts small, but it grows.
You’re not pushing too hard by asking. You’re just trying to build a life that includes him.

Next time you talk, keep it soft. Tell him you don’t need a big gesture you just want to feel like he’s willing to meet you halfway. If he’s serious about you, he’ll try. If he keeps dodging, that tells you something too.

[Sally]

It’s not silly at all. When someone you love keeps pulling away, especially on a day that matters to you, it hits deeper than just “no sex.” It feels like rejection, even if he doesn’t mean it that way.

But here’s the thing wanting him doesn’t fix whatever’s going on in his head. And pushing, even gently, only makes him shut down more. You’ve already seen that.
The part that worries me is how lonely you sound inside your own relationship. Four years in, you shouldn’t feel like you’re begging for scraps of affection.
You’re not wrong for feeling hurt. You’re human.

Just don’t turn it into a fight. Tell him the truth not about the sex, but about how distant it’s making you feel. If he loves you like he says, he needs to meet you halfway.

[Sally]

Guys who talk about marriage and babies in the first month usually aren’t planning a future they’re trying to fast-track intimacy. It feels sweet, but it’s really just a way to hurry things along.

And the sudden silence after sex? That’s the part that tells the truth. When a man is genuinely into you, sleeping together pulls him closer, not farther. One day of slow texting isn’t a crime… but the shift in his energy matters. You felt it for a reason.

Don’t confront him. Just watch what he does next. If he keeps drifting, that’s your answer. If he shows up like before, then maybe he really was just busy.
Either way, don’t twist yourself into knots. Let his actions tell you who he is.

[Sally]

Crushes can feel huge, but they’re not the same as love. They’re more like sparks fun, intense, kind of dizzying but they don’t always mean something deeper. And the way you talk about each guy… it sounds more like chemistry and attention than anything solid.

That massage therapist? That’s physical. Your friend’s brother? That one’s mixed with fantasy because you’ve liked him for years. And the tennis partner? That’s the thrill of feeling seen.

None of this is wrong you’re human. Sometimes our bodies react before our hearts have a clue what’s going on. But love… love usually feels calmer. It doesn’t make you faint or panic or obsess. It feels more like wanting to stay, not just wanting the moment.

So no, you’re not in love with all three. You’re just excited, and maybe a little lonely. It’ll sort itself out.

[Sally]

When you like someone that much, every little thing they do feels like a sign. But from what you said, it sounds like she’s already let you in pretty close. People don’t talk the way she talks to you unless they feel something.

The thing is, you’ve been her safe place for a while, and that’s good but at some point you have to be a little brave. Not dramatic, not a big speech… just honest. After skating, when you two get a quiet minute, tell her you like being with her and you’d like to take her out just the two of you if she wants that too.
Keep it simple. Keep it calm.

And whatever she says, at least you’ll finally know, and you won’t lose sleep wondering.

[Sally]

That kind of silence hits hard. Especially when someone used to be steady and suddenly isn’t. Two days might not sound like much to other people, but when you’re close to someone, it feels like forever.

Here’s the thing though people don’t pull back for no reason. Something’s on his mind, even if it’s not about you. Work stress, family stuff, feeling overwhelmed… it happens. But disappearing without a word isn’t okay, and you’re not wrong for feeling confused.

When he finally reaches out, keep it calm. Just ask if everything’s alright, because the distance feels different and you noticed. Don’t attack him, but don’t pretend it doesn’t bother you either.

Love only works when both people show up. If he’s slipping, you deserve to understand why.

[Sally]

It’s not messed up, but it’s definitely not as simple as you want it to be. You might feel fine keeping it in the “just friends” box, but he’s already in deeper. A guy doesn’t cuddle, let you sleep next to him, and then magically stay neutral. He’s trying to be what you need so he doesn’t lose you.

And honestly, that kind of closeness can blur lines fast. Even if you’ve said the words, your actions give him hope. Not because you’re mean just because you’re human and you like the comfort.

If you really want to keep this friendship, you might have to pull back a little. Cuddling builds a kind of attachment that’s hard to undo.
It’s not weird… but it’s not harmless either.

[Sally]

Six years and a child together isn’t small, and I can tell you’re carrying the blame on your back. But don’t let that blind you. He didn’t have to sleep with someone else. People don’t fall into beds by accident.

And the part that worries me is how he wants the comfort the weekends, the intimacy, the “I love you” but shuts down the second you ask for real answers. That’s not rebuilding. That’s avoiding.

You can love someone and still know the trust is cracked. And once you start checking his stories, his moods, his phone… that’s a hard place to live.
I can’t tell you to leave, but I will say this: if he wants a future with you, he has to meet you in the hard conversations. If he won’t, you’ll end up doing all the work alone.

[Sally]

Guys can mix sweetness with mixed signals and it makes your head spin. But from what you wrote, this doesn’t sound like someone thinking about a real relationship. It sounds like a guy who likes the attention, likes the touching, and likes knowing you’re into him… without actually offering anything solid back.

And the way he gets “upset” about where you move or whether you tell him things? That’s not romance. That’s control wrapped in charm.

You didn’t sleep with him, which is good, because once you do, he’s got everything he wants without giving anything real.
If you truly don’t want to get attached, don’t keep feeding this. He’s not a bad guy, but he’s not showing you the steady kind of interest that turns into something real.
Just be careful with your heart here. It’s easy to fall in deeper than you mean to.

[Sally]

The problem here isn’t that he’s being sweet with you; it’s that his history doesn’t match his words. A guy who asks every girl at work to sleep with him doesn’t suddenly become Prince Charming. What he’s giving you now is attention, not depth.

And the “I’m broke” thing is just a way to avoid real dates. A man who wants something serious finds small ways to show it, even if money is tight. He wouldn’t only want hangouts in cars or on couches.

I’m not saying he’s lying about liking you. I’m saying he hasn’t shown anything that looks like real effort.

If you enjoy him, keep your heart light. But don’t build a future on sweet moments in parking lots. Guys who mean it always show it, not just say it.

[Sally]

This is one of those moments where everything feels big even though it’s really just your heart reacting to new energy. That girl you met on break? Of course you miss her. First kisses have a way of sticking to you for a while. But missing someone isn’t the same as being meant for them especially when they live states away.

And the girl back at school… it sounds like your feelings shifted, and that happens. You can’t force it back just because it used to be there.

So don’t try to pick between them. Just be honest with yourself. If you’re not feeling the first girl anymore, let her go gently. As for the Florida girl, don’t build a whole future on a vacation moment.
Give it a little time. Hearts settle when you stop pushing them.

[Sally]

Six years is a long time to grow up with someone, and it’s normal to wonder what your life would look like if you stepped back for a second. That doesn’t mean you don’t love him it just means you’re getting older and asking bigger questions.

The part that stands out to me is how scared you are of losing him. That kind of fear usually means you’re not actually ready to walk away. You’re just overwhelmed. And that guy at work? He’s noise. He likes the idea of you, not the life you’ve built.

If you want to try living together, do it slowly. Don’t jump in because you feel pressured, but don’t run because you’re nervous either.

Sometimes doubt shows up right before the next step. You just have to figure out if it’s fear talking… or your gut.

[Sally]

One bad night can wreck the picture someone had of you, even if it’s not who you really are. And she’s not wrong for pulling back she got embarrassed, and that kind of feeling sticks.

But the way she still talks to you, the way she softened at the end… that tells me she hasn’t written you off. She just needs time to believe you again. You can’t force that. You can only show her you’re steady by actually being steady.

Don’t chase or guilt her. Just be the version of you she already knew the guy she felt safe with. If she’s gonna let you back in, it’ll be because she sees that again on her own.

[Member]

Posts