[Sally]

I know that kind of love the late-night calls, the nicknames, the feeling like you’re almost together even though you’re not. It makes everything confusing.
But here’s the thing: he told you who he is right now. He didn’t stay faithful even while telling you he loved you. And him saying he’d cheat if it were official… that’s not love that knows how to show up. That’s love that stays in fantasy because reality would require him to grow up.

I’m not saying he never cared. I’m saying he hasn’t earned the kind of trust you’re giving him.

If you move to Austin, let your life get bigger than this story. If he wants to be with you someday, he has to meet you as an actual partner not a maybe.

[Sally]

That’s not small stuff you’re noticing. It’s the kind of closeness that makes you stop and think, “Why am I the one feeling like the outsider here?” And honestly, none of what you described feels normal between someone and their sister’s husband especially when there’s abuse in the picture. It’s messy, and you’re the one left trying to make sense of it.

What really sticks out is how you keep trying to explain your feelings gently, and she keeps brushing past them. That’s the part that would worry me the most.

You’re not over-reacting. You’re reacting like someone who wants to matter in the relationship. If she can’t see that, or won’t slow down long enough to hear you, that’s something you need to pay attention to.

Just be honest with yourself about how this makes you feel that’s where the truth usually is.

[Sally]

Fourteen is an age where everything hits deep, and when someone older pays attention especially a teacher you respect it can feel like love. But it’s not love in the grown-up sense. It’s more like admiration mixed with the comfort he gives you in class. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It just doesn’t mean what it feels like it means.

What matters most is this: it can’t go anywhere, and it shouldn’t. Not because you’re wrong, but because you deserve a love that’s safe and equal. A teacher can’t give you that, no matter how kind he is.

You don’t have to tell the whole world, but talking to one trusted adult maybe a counselor might help you breathe again. And you don’t need to stop talking to him in class; just keep it school-appropriate and let the feelings fade on their own. They will.

[Sally]

It feels harmless until you realize you’re checking their page more than you’re living your own life. So honestly? Deleting him was the healthiest thing you’ve done so far.
And no, you didn’t do anything wrong. If he wanted to keep getting to know you, he would’ve. That silence was your answer, even though it hurt like hell.

I don’t think you should add him again. Not because it’s dramatic, but because you’re finally giving your heart a little breathing room. If he notices, he notices. But don’t build your hope around that.

Sometimes removing someone is the only way to stop imagining a story they already walked out of. It gets easier, slowly.

[Sally]

Nothing about your marriage sounds loving or safe. When a man controls the money, cheats, and keeps you scared to breathe wrong that’s not a life, it’s survival. And staying because you don’t want to hurt him? That’s the kind heart in you talking, not the truth of the situation.

But the guy from Xbox slow down there. I’m not saying he’s bad. I’m just saying he feels like hope right now, and hope can make anybody look perfect. Don’t jump from one man to another. Get steady on your own feet first.

If you know the marriage is over, it’s okay to leave for you, not for someone waiting in the wings. You deserve a life that isn’t built on fear. Start there. The rest can come later, when you’re free and thinking clearly.

[Sally]

He’s saying all the right things, but he’s still going home to her. And the way a guy handles the girl he’s with is the same way he’ll handle you someday. If he can sneak around now, he’ll sneak around later. That’s just the truth no one wants to say out loud.

And I get it he gives you attention, late-night talks, the feeling of being chosen. But you’re only being chosen in the dark, not in the light.

You’re not a bad person. You just caught feelings in a situation that never had solid ground. If he really wants to be with you, he’ll break up with her first and come to you clean. Until then, step back a little. Protect your heart before he splits it in two.

[Sally]

Long-distance can pull your head in two different directions at once loving someone like crazy but also feeling a little unsteady because nothing in your day-to-day is actually shared yet. So those crushes popping up? That’s usually loneliness talking, not a sign you want out.

What would worry me more is how unsure everything feels on her end no packing, no ticket, quiet when you talk about the future. That kind of silence gets loud after a while.

I don’t think you’re paranoid. I think you’re scared you’re building a life for two when she hasn’t taken the first real step yet.

Before you move in together, you need one honest conversation. Ask her if she’s truly ready, not in a dreamy way, but in a “this is our actual life” way.
The right person won’t leave you guessing this much.

[Sally]

It really sounds like she likes the attention she gets from you, but not enough to actually choose you. And I know that hurts, because part of you remembers how it felt when things were good, and every time she pops back into your life it brings that old hope with it.

But look at her actions. She kept a new boyfriend secret. She only reached out when it suited her. She sends mixed signals, then goes on a walk with him and comes home to text you. That’s not someone trying to come back that’s someone keeping you on the hook.

You’re not crazy for feeling confused. She’s giving you just enough to keep you around, but not enough to build anything real.

If she truly wanted another chance, you wouldn’t be guessing this much. Let her return your stuff and protect your heart a little. You deserve clarity.

[Sally]

Two years is a long time to wonder about someone. And it’s sweet that you two had that little almost-moment together but what matters is what he’s doing now. He’s pulled back. He’s busy. He’s not showing up the way he used to. That doesn’t mean he never cared, it just means he isn’t moving toward you right now.

And I know how hard that is when your feelings finally feel clear.

If you want to know where he stands, the only real way is to reach out calmly and just say you’ve been thinking about him. Don’t pour everything out at once just open the door a little and see if he walks through it.

Love shouldn’t feel like guessing every step. Let his response tell you the truth.

[Sally]

Loving someone and still carrying old hurt at the same time is its own kind of trap. You can want the good parts back, you can try to forgive, but if your gut is telling you it’s never felt the same since… that’s something you can’t ignore.

And staying “for your son” sounds noble, but kids see everything. They can feel when their parents are just surviving each other. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for you and for him — is build a life that actually feels peaceful.

You don’t have to rush into another relationship. You just need to be honest with yourself: are you staying because there’s still love, or because it’s familiar and you’re scared to move?
Give yourself permission to want a fuller life. Your son needs a mom who feels alive, not stuck.

[Sally]

He loves the parts of you that feel steady and experienced, but he also gets scared of them. And because he hasn’t lived as much life yet, your past feels bigger to him than it should. That’s not your fault that’s just where he is.

What worries me is how he uses your honesty against you later. That’s not maturity, that’s insecurity talking. And it’s hard to build anything solid when your past becomes ammunition every time there’s a fight.

You can’t teach him his way into being your equal. He has to grow into that on his own.

If you want this to work, the two of you need one calm conversation about what’s actually happening not the fights, not the stories, but the fear underneath it. And he has to meet you halfway. You can’t carry both sides.

[Sally]

I know that feeling of someone slipping out of your life while you’re still holding on to what almost happened. It’s painful because you two had a moment that soft, early thing where it felt like something real could start. But what matters isn’t who he was then… it’s who he is now.

And right now, he’s gone quiet. Not showing up. Not making space for you. That doesn’t mean he stopped caring it just means he isn’t moving toward you.
If you want to reach out, keep it light. A simple “hey, been thinking of you, hope you’re okay” is enough. You don’t have to pour your whole heart out to someone who might not be ready.

And if he doesn’t step forward after that? That’s your answer, even though it hurts. Love needs someone who actually meets you halfway.
You deserve that.

[Sally]

When someone truly wants you in their life, they don’t hide you from the people closest to them especially not after marriage. Thirty days in the same town and not even a quick hello? That’s not culture. That’s avoidance.

And the fact that his story keeps shifting… “on the outs,” then “next year,” then “you haven’t introduced me to yours” it feels like he’s buying time. Your intuition is loud for a reason. I’ve learned the hard way that when something feels off this early, it usually is.

You’re not wrong for loving him, and you’re not wrong for questioning the foundation you just built. Before you bring him to the U.S., you need the truth not promises, not delays. The truth.

Don’t silence your gut. It’s trying to protect you from a much bigger hurt down the line.

[Sally]

From what you wrote, this doesn’t sound like pity at all. If she didn’t care, she would’ve just let things fade. Most people don’t call back the next day to explain themselves unless they’re trying to be gentle with your feelings. And a month out of a breakup is tough your timing was just sitting on top of her old hurt.

Her reaching out first, asking questions, keeping the conversation going… that’s interest. Maybe not “ready to date” interest yet, but definitely “I don’t want to lose this” interest.

Just don’t push. Let her come toward you a little at her own pace. If she wants more, she’ll make it clearer as she settles from her breakup.
Sometimes “too soon” really does just mean “too soon.”

[Sally]

It’s the kind that sounds gentle, but really just means he doesn’t want to shut the door all the way and he doesn’t want to open it either. “Soul searching” is something people say when they don’t know how to tell you they’re not ready, or they’re leaning toward letting go but don’t want to hurt you with the full truth.

If he wanted to come back right now, he would’ve said that. He would’ve matched the clarity you gave him. Instead, he stayed vague.
And I’m not saying he doesn’t care. I’m saying his confusion is its own answer. You can’t build a relationship on someone’s maybe.

For now, don’t wait by the phone. Live your life. If he figures himself out and wants another try, he’ll come back clearly not in riddles.

[Member]

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