[Sally]

When you don’t have much experience, every little signal feels like it might be something you’re imagining. But honestly? Nothing you described sounds imaginary.
Girls don’t message nonstop, send random videos, give you their number like it’s a big moment, and say they miss you unless they’re trying to open a door. She’s not being subtle. She’s basically saying “hey… your turn.”

And I know you don’t think you’re anything special, but she clearly does. She wouldn’t be showing up like this if she didn’t.

You don’t need a dramatic move. Just something simple and real. Ask her if she wants to grab coffee after tutoring next week. Or go for a walk. Keep it light so it doesn’t scare either of you.
If she’s into you and it sure sounds like it she’ll lean in.

Just don’t hide behind fear and miss your chance.

[Sally]

You’re close, you’re laughing, he’s taking care of you in these tiny quiet ways… and you’re stuck wondering if it means what you hope it means.

Here’s the thing: guys don’t buy plaster for a girl they don’t care about. They don’t keep checking if you’ve eaten. They don’t push you to talk about your “crush” unless they’re trying to figure out where they stand without saying it first. He’s not clueless. He sees you.

But the only way this stops feeling confusing is if one of you is brave. And honestly? It might have to be you. Not a big dramatic confession just something simple like “Hey… I like you. If you don’t feel the same, we’re still good.”
If he likes you, he’ll show it fast.

If he doesn’t, at least you won’t be stuck in the maybe forever.

[Sally]

That’s twenty years of someone talking to you like you’re disposable, and you trying to make yourself small so he won’t erupt again. I’m really sorry you’ve been living with that. It wears you down in ways you don’t even notice until you’re numb like you said.

And the fact that he says it in front of your son that’s a line he doesn’t mind crossing. That’s not respect. That’s not love in any form I’d want to stay in.

You’re not trapped, even if it feels that way. You’re smart, you’re capable, and you’ve already done the hardest part: you reached out for help, and you see this for what it is. That’s what getting your life back looks like in the beginning.

I don’t think this gets better unless he changes in a way he hasn’t shown.
Just be honest with yourself. You deserve peace.

[Sally]

This is one of those situations where the quiet feels louder than it should.

But honestly? His “3 or 4 weeks” line really does sound like he was just being playful. People say stuff like that when they’re trying to sound cute, not literal.
What matters more is what’s happening right now it’s the day before the date and you still don’t know what’s going on. That would make anyone uneasy, especially when you’re trying not to be the one always reaching out.

If it were me, I’d send one simple message. Something like “Hey, just checking in are we still on for tomorrow?” No pressure, no overthinking. You’re not chasing him. You’re just being a grown woman who wants clarity.

If he’s into this, he’ll answer. If he doesn’t, that tells you something too.
Sometimes the truth is in the silence.

[Sally]

You’re standing there grieving a baby, trying to hold your marriage together, and then you open his phone and find a whole different life running under yours. Anyone would feel shaken. Anyone would feel alone.

And I know that feeling of trying to “logic” your way through pain. You keep telling yourself you’re smart, you’re reasonable, you can figure this out. But this isn’t a puzzle. It’s a heartbreak.
You’re right that you can’t bring a baby into this until you know the truth. And you deserve the truth.

If you confront him, keep it simple. Just tell him what you saw and watch how he responds. Not the excuses — the honesty. The remorse. The willingness to talk instead of spin.

You’re stronger than you feel right now. Just take the next honest step. One at a time.

[Sally]

It’s not just the sexting it’s the secret world he built without you. When you’re planning a life with someone, that kind of thing hits different. It makes you wonder what else you don’t know.
And sure, he says it’s just a stress thing, but a few hours a day is a lot. That’s not nothing. You’re not wrong for feeling weird about it. Anyone would.

I don’t think this is about pansexuality or porn. It’s about honesty. It’s about you wanting to feel like you’re actually in the same relationship he is.

If it were me, I’d sit him down again, calmer this time, and tell him the truth not that you’re angry, but that you feel pushed out of a part of his life. How he responds to that will tell you everything.

[Sally]

When someone you loved that long looks you in the eye and lies like that, it shakes something in you. I’m really sorry you had to carry all of that while dealing with your mom and your own health. That’s a lot for one person.

What he did wasn’t a mistake. It was a whole second life he chose to keep from you. And now he’s coming back with I miss you and I married the wrong woman like that somehow fixes the damage. It doesn’t.

You’re not weak for missing him. You’re human. But don’t confuse his regret with real love. If he loved you the way you deserved, you wouldn’t have found out through your brother’s friend’s Facebook search.

Give yourself permission to step back. You’ve already survived the worst part. The rest is just choosing peace.

[Sally]

I’ve been in that spot where someone pops back into your life and it feels easy, familiar, kind of electric. And then suddenly they go quiet and you’re left staring at your phone, trying to read silence like it’s a message.

Here’s the thing most people don’t want to admit: sometimes someone is warm in the moment, but not looking for anything real after. It doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It just means her feelings might not be sitting in the same place as yours.

Don’t chase her. Don’t send a third or fourth message hoping to spark something. If she wanted to keep this going, she would’ve answered one of the first two.
Let it breathe. If she reaches out, great. If not, you already survived losing her once. You’ll survive this too.

[Sally]

It’s a weird kind of lonely when someone treats you “perfectly” but you still can’t feel them.

You’re not wrong for wanting more than surface-level harmony. Wanting depth isn’t drama. It just wants a real relationship, not a pretty one.

And that little voice in you that says you might feel relieved if it ended… pay attention to that. It’s usually telling the truth before you’re ready to hear it.
Talk to him, sure but be honest in a way that scares you a little. If nothing changes, you’ll know this isn’t the kind of love that grows with you.

You’re not a bad person for wanting to feel alive.

[Sally]

She just walked out of something messy, loud, and emotional. When someone leaves a controlling guy, their head is all over the place. Even good attention can feel like too much.
You didn’t mean any harm, but it sounds like you kept pushing little moments the flowers, the hair touching, the messages about how you see her. That can feel like pressure when she’s barely breathing on her own yet.

Getting blocked doesn’t always mean you did something terrible. Sometimes it just means she needs quiet, or space, or no more voices telling her how she should feel.
If you care about her, let things settle. Let her come to you when she’s steady again.

Right now, she just needs calm, not more intensity.

[Sally]

I’ve been with someone who talked like everything was fine while doing stuff that wasn’t. That whole you’re crazy for thinking that line that’s the part that sticks with you. It makes you doubt your own eyes.

And the way he shut the door on the conversation once you stayed… that would bother me too. It’s hard to rebuild anything when one person won’t even let you talk about the crack in the first place.

You’re not losing your mind. You’re reacting to someone who lied, then blamed you for noticing.

Give yourself a little space to breathe and ask if this feels like the kind of love you can live in long-term.

Sometimes the answer shows up when you stop trying to force one.

[Sally]

When someone you love tells you something like that, it doesn’t just sit in your mind it sits in your body. And it’s hard to unsee it.
Here’s the thing, though. You two weren’t together then. What’s hurting you isn’t the timing, it’s the picture in your head. And I’ve been in that spot before loving someone while fighting the replay of something I can’t change.

You don’t have to decide today if you should stay or go. But pay attention to how you feel when you’re with her now. If being with her feels safe and steady, that matters. If you’re drowning in this and she can’t meet you in that, which matters too.

Just be honest with yourself. The answer usually comes quieter than you expect.

[Sally]

This girl is giving you the kind of mixed signals that make your brain feel like it’s on fire. One minute she’s in your car and kissing you, the next she’s ignoring you at a bar. That usually means she likes the attention but doesn’t know what she actually wants.

And honestly, you dating three other girls isn’t helping your head, even if she doesn’t know. You’re all over the place emotionally, and she’s all over the place with her behavior. That’s how people end up confused and exhausted.

If it were me, I’d slow down and stop chasing. Let her come toward you if she wants something real. Right now she’s acting hot-cold, and you’re letting it pull you around. Just breathe, step back a little, and see what she does when you’re not in her face.

[Sally]

Old feelings don’t always stay dead just because the relationship ended. Sometimes someone shows up in a dream and suddenly you’re back in that old softness you thought you packed away.

But from what you wrote… she’s had seven years to reach out. And you’ve already sent two emails and a friend request with no response. That silence is the answer, even if it hurts.

If it were me, I wouldn’t send anything else. Not out of pride out of respect for myself. You said your piece. You were kind. You were honest. That’s enough.

Let this stay a sweet memory instead of turning it into a new ache. Sometimes the past is meant to stay where it is, even when it tugs at you.

[Sally]

What they did would’ve hurt anyone. You trusted both of them, and they went a different way without being honest. That kind of betrayal sticks.

But staying in her life the way you are now… that’s keeping you raw. When she says she’ll “give you a chance if they break up,” that’s not love. That’s her keeping you on a hook. You deserve more than being someone’s backup plan.

If it were me, I’d take some real space. Not forever just long enough to breathe again. Let yourself get steady before you even think about seeing her this summer. You’re not losing her. You’re just choosing yourself for once.

[Member]

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