[James Smith]

Man, I feel you on this one. The first time I tried to “spice things up” in bed, I bought this fancy roleplay costume online—it was supposed to be a pirate outfit, but when it arrived, I looked more like a confused waiter at a seafood restaurant. My girlfriend laughed so hard she snorted wine through her nose. Safe to say, the mood was gone before I even said “Arr.”

You’re not being unreasonable, dude. You’re just craving more energy and initiative from her. The tricky part is, when one person is driving all the experimentation, it can start feeling one-sided fast. The more you push, the more she probably feels like she’s performing instead of connecting. That’s when passion turns into pressure.

Maybe shift gears a little—focus less on the checklist of what happens in bed and more on how you both get there emotionally. Sometimes excitement comes back when the “adventure” isn’t planned but discovered together.

Here’s my question: if she suddenly took the lead one night and surprised you with something totally her idea, even if it wasn’t one of your fetishes, do you think that would feel just as thrilling to you?

[James Smith]

Man, reading your story felt like watching myself from a few years back—back when I asked a barista out, forgot her name mid-conversation, and accidentally called her “Latte” instead. I swear, the look she gave me could’ve curdled milk. I tried to recover by saying it was a “cute nickname,” but let’s just say she never made me coffee again.

Anyway, I get you, dude. You didn’t do anything creepy—you just overthought the whole thing, like most of us do when we finally like someone after a long dry spell. The reason she’s avoiding you now probably isn’t because she thinks you’re a bad guy. It’s more likely that she’s just uncomfortable and doesn’t know how to handle the tension after turning you down. Most people prefer to vanish instead of facing that awkward energy head-on.

But here’s a thought: if you ran into her again and could hit reset, what’s one line you’d say to make her laugh and loosen things up instead of freezing up again?

[James Smith]

Man, this whole Facebook saga gave me flashbacks to when my ex refused to tag me in photos. She said it was because she wanted to “protect her privacy,” but the only thing she was protecting was her Tinder matches. One time I commented under one of her selfies with a heart emoji, and five minutes later the post mysteriously disappeared. I felt like I’d just committed a social media crime.

Here’s the deal, Alfred. When someone really wants you to be part of their life, they’ll make it known—even if they don’t use Facebook much. If she’s active enough to talk about university documents and WhatsApp calls but can’t take ten seconds to hit “accept,” it’s not about privacy, it’s about priorities.

Let me ask you this: if you stopped bringing it up completely, do you think she’d eventually add you—or would she just keep “forgetting”?

[James Smith]

Alright, this one hit close to home because I once thought I’d met “the one” online too. We talked for weeks, had deep late-night conversations about life, love, and which pizza topping was superior. She told me I was different, so naturally, I canceled my weekend plans, shaved my beard, and even ironed a shirt. The day we were supposed to meet, she ghosted me. Two days later, I saw her post a selfie with a caption that said “Healing energy only.” I guess my texts were the trauma she was healing from.

Here’s the thing, Laura. You didn’t do anything wrong. You just cared too soon, which is basically like showing up to a costume party in full armor when everyone else is still picking outfits. Online dating is chaos—everyone’s juggling five conversations, two ghosters, and a situationship they swear is “not serious.” The trick is to match their pace, not their potential.

So be honest with yourself: are you missing *him*, or the version of him you created before you even met?

[James Smith]

Man, reading this hit me like that time I booked a flight to surprise my ex, only to find out she’d already surprised herself… with a new boyfriend. I was standing there at the airport holding flowers and a bag of gummy bears like a discount movie extra. The security guard even patted my shoulder and said, “Tough day, huh?” I told him, “Brother, you have no idea.”

You gave this girl everything, even quit your job and crossed oceans for her, but she didn’t meet you halfway. That’s not love, that’s charity work with emotional taxes. Sometimes the hardest part isn’t losing the person, it’s realizing they wouldn’t have done for you what you did for them.

So here’s the thing: are you really in love with her, or are you just in love with the idea of what you thought she’d be once she saw how much you cared?

[James Smith]

Man this one brought back memories I didn’t plan on reliving. I once tried to win back my ex by driving five hours with a playlist of sad love songs I made myself. Halfway there, my car broke down, and the tow truck guy asked if I was “on a breakup mission.” I told him yes and he said, “Buddy, you’re not getting her back if the universe just sent me.” I laughed so hard I forgot to cry.

Here’s the deal though. You can’t logic your way back into her heart. Feelings don’t respond to essays or explanations. Right now she’s listening to her friends, her pride, and maybe that new guy who showed up at the worst time possible. If you chase, you’ll look desperate. But if you pull back and actually live your life, you’ll remind her what she lost without trying.

Be real with yourself for a second—do you truly want *her*, or do you just want to win her back because it hurts that she walked away?

[James Smith]

Man, this one hit like a plot twist I didn’t see coming. I once had a girlfriend who said she wanted “a little freedom” — turns out her definition of freedom involved a guy named Marco from her yoga class. I swear, I almost signed up for yoga just to learn how she managed that level of flexibility in logic. 😂

Jokes aside, I can tell you care deeply about her, but what she’s asking for isn’t just “permission” — it’s a test of how much of yourself you’re willing to give up to keep her. And that’s a dangerous game, because love stops being love when it turns into fear of losing someone.

You’ve got to ask yourself something honest: are you holding on to her because of love or because you’re afraid that letting go means you lose the story you thought you’d have together?

[James Smith]

Alright, I have to admit, reading your story felt like watching one of those slow-burn K-dramas where the guy disappears for five episodes and then shows up again just to like an old selfie. I once had an ex do that—she blocked me everywhere, then a month later reacted to my dog’s photo with a heart emoji. I didn’t know if she missed me or wanted custody of the dog. 😂

Your ex sounds like the kind of guy who doesn’t want to be with you but also doesn’t want *anyone else* to have you. Liking your photos and sending that friend request? Classic “let’s keep her orbiting me” move. It’s ego, not love. You’re doing the right thing by focusing on yourself, because every like he drops is just bait trying to pull you back into the same loop you’ve already escaped.

Be honest with yourself though—when he pops up again, does a small part of you still want him to?

[James Smith]

Man, reading this gave me flashbacks to when I dated a girl whose mom acted like *my competition.* I once brought her flowers, and her mom showed up five minutes later with a bigger bouquet. I felt like I was trapped in some kind of emotional Price Is Right episode. 😂

Jokes aside, I get how uncomfortable this must be. It’s one thing for a parent to be protective, but her dad sounds like he’s confusing fatherly love with… something else entirely. You’re not crazy for feeling like you’re sharing her — because, honestly, it sounds like you kind of are.

But before making big decisions, maybe test what happens if you set one firm boundary. Like, plan something private for you, her, and your son that doesn’t include the dad. See how she reacts. If she defends that wall like a security guard at Area 51, that’s your answer.

Be honest though — do you think she *wants* to break that dynamic, or is she too comfortable in it to change?

[James Smith]

Wow, this one hit like a plot straight out of an office drama. I gotta say, emotions at work can sneak up on you faster than free donuts in the break room. I once had a coworker I clicked with so well that HR started giving me “friendly reminders” about workplace boundaries. The irony? She was the one who kept bringing me coffee with hearts in the foam. I was just the idiot who thought it was “barista enthusiasm.” 😂

You’re clearly self-aware and not trying to be reckless here, but it sounds like you’re living in emotional quicksand. The more you talk, laugh, and share that “we just get each other” feeling, the deeper you sink. And let’s be honest, fairytales never mention the part where the prince gets served divorce papers and the princess has to file HR reports.

It might be time to pull back emotionally, even if you can’t avoid him physically at work. Find ways to re-invest your energy into your relationship—or at least into something that reminds you who you are outside of this connection.

Let me ask you though, do you think you’re craving him specifically, or the version of yourself you get to be when you’re with him?

[James Smith]

Man, I felt this one in my soul. Nothing screams modern love quite like arguing about a Facebook relationship status. I remember once dating a girl who refused to change hers too. She said it was because she “didn’t want to jinx it.” Three weeks later she posted a photo with a guy named Derek holding her dog. So yeah, apparently I was the jinx.

Here’s the thing, my friend. When someone’s jealous enough to police your comments but won’t publicly claim you, that’s not romance—it’s confusion dressed up as commitment. If she can tell the world you’re hers in Facebook groups but won’t click a single button to hide “single,” she’s enjoying the attention both ways.

I gotta ask though, are you sure you’re not more in love with the *idea* of her than the reality? Because from where I’m sitting, this feels like you’re dating her phone more than the person. What’s keeping you from meeting her face to face and seeing if the connection still holds up offline?

[James Smith]

Reading this one felt like watching a mystery movie where the plot twists just keep coming — except the villain forgot to mute his phone during the secret dinner call. Classic Larry move. Reminds me of when I once “butt-dialed” my mom while joking with my friends about skipping her Sunday dinner. She didn’t say a word just showed up at my apartment with lasagna and the most terrifying silence I’ve ever heard 😂.

Larry’s playing a confusing game here. When someone hides a friendship, avoids introducing you, and still uses his late wife’s voicemail name, that’s not forgetfulness that’s avoidance. You were right to walk away when respect vanished, because no relationship can breathe in secrecy.

If you called him tomorrow and he answered all calm like nothing happened, would you actually trust a single word that came out of his mouth?

[James Smith]

This kind of thing reminds me of when I once texted a girl “good morning” and she replied two weeks later with “hey.” I almost aged a decade waiting for those three letters 😂.

Jokes aside, this guy sounds like someone who loved the chase but panicked once things got real. The Tinder thing and slow fade are clear signs of someone who wants attention without commitment. You didn’t do anything wrong — he just wasn’t emotionally ready for what he said he wanted.

If he really cared, you wouldn’t have to beg for clarity or chase him for your own bag. Sometimes people pull away not because of who you are, but because they’re too immature to handle consistency.

If he suddenly came back months later acting interested again, would you actually want to give him another shot or would you rather protect your peace this time?

[James Smith]

Reading this made me remember my buddy who once said, “I love my girlfriend, but sometimes she argues with me in her sleep.” He wasn’t kidding. One night, she woke up mid-dream to scold him for something he hadn’t even done yet. Poor guy spent breakfast apologizing for a dream crime he didn’t commit 😂.

You sound like someone who values peace and stability, while your boyfriend thrives on emotional intensity. That combo can work but only if both of you can manage the imbalance without burning out. You’ve already seen how draining it can be, and marriage tends to magnify, not minimize, those patterns.

Before you walk down the aisle, maybe ask yourself this: if nothing ever changed his temper, his career struggles, his overprotectiveness — could you still build a peaceful life with him, or would resentment start to grow?

[James Smith]

Man, this reminds me of when my buddy’s girlfriend once told him she was going to “a quick spa weekend” with her friends… in Miami… for six days… during spring break. He tried to play it cool until she posted a story of herself dancing on a yacht. The guy almost aged five years in one night 😂.

You’re not crazy for feeling uneasy here. A five-day Vegas “bridal shower” funded by you sounds more like a vacation with red flags attached. You’ve supported her a lot, and it’s fair to want honesty and boundaries in return.

Instead of framing it as control, you could just say it makes you uncomfortable financially and emotionally, and you’d prefer to spend that kind of money on something you both can enjoy together. If she calls that controlling, maybe it’s time to ask whether your relationship’s balance is built on mutual respect or convenience.

Would you still feel uneasy if she offered to pay for herself, or is it more about the secrecy and trust part of this trip?

[Author]

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