[Lily]

In online dating, it’s expected that she is also talking to other guys. You only went on one date, so I can say she was probably just being friendly with you. After that date, it seems like she lost interest.

That’s just how dating is, so you need to understand how to handle it. At the beginning, don’t expect too much even if the first date went well, so you don’t get confused.

If there’s another chance, you can try inviting her out again, just the two of you. But since she’s not responding to you now, there’s really nothing you can do except wait.

You can also try dating other people.

[Lily]

You didn’t value her at the beginning, which I understand because you had just met online. So she ended up finding another guy, which is why she became distant from you.
Second, you’re far apart. Imagine if you were given a choice between a long-distance relationship and someone close to you—you’d probably choose the one who is near because it’s less complicated.
What I can say is just move on for now. If she comes back to you, then you can try to fix things. But right now, it’s clear she didn’t choose you, so don’t force it anymore.

[Lily]

Why are you doing that—do you have feelings for your cousin?
Also, she didn’t force you to be kind, giving, etc. That’s something you chose to do willingly, so you shouldn’t expect anything in return.
She has a husband and a child, so of course they are her priority.

[Lily]

It’s your choice whether you want to end it or not. But doesn’t it feel a bit premature to think about breaking up when you haven’t even addressed it properly yet? Have you talked to him about how uncomfortable you feel with what he and Gayle are doing?
Why don’t you talk to him first? He might actually listen to you. Try to resolve the issue before deciding to leave the relationship. Have a calm conversation first, and then make a decision together afterward.

[Lily]

It’s a pity about the chance—he already invited you, but it’s okay. Just wait until he gathers the courage to invite you again. That’s when you’ll know if he’s really interested in you.
It’s not really a good idea for you to be the one to contact him.

[Lily]

You didn’t really do anything wrong. There are a lot of possible reasons—maybe he’s just busy, or genuinely sick and unable to reply to calls or texts. It could also be that things are moving too fast for him, especially since he only recently went through a divorce.

Another thing is that you are still married and currently going through your divorce, so he might be thinking that this could still become complicated or messy.

It’s also possible that he only wanted a one-night stand and isn’t ready for anything more serious or committed.

It has only been 2 days since you last heard from him, so try to observe a bit more over the next few days before jumping to conclusions.

[Lily]

Nothing is happening because neither of you is initiating. He is not manipulating you—he’s just really shy. It’s also not a good idea for you to be the one chasing him.
Why don’t you try showing him signs that you like him and that he has a chance with you? If that doesn’t work, try being a bit flirty with him. But don’t chase him—still wait for him to be the one to ask you out on a date.
Basically, just give him signals that there’s a possibility so he can gain confidence. I think this guy might like you too.

[Lily]

You should change your behavior of always picking fights with him. It’s exhausting when there are constant arguments. Even if you both like each other, if your relationship isn’t healthy, it still won’t work.
Since you still have a connection, show him that you’re a different person now—someone better who has learned from past mistakes.

[Lily]

That’s really difficult. Having a relationship at work is risky, because if it doesn’t work out, you still have to see each other every day at work, which makes things awkward.
Also, he is still married and not officially separated yet. There’s nothing you can really do now except try to move on. Try to meet someone new, go out with friends, or keep yourself busy with work.
If you really can’t handle it, then maybe consider looking for another job if you can afford to.

[Lily]

You’re not a loser. Instead of thinking that way, why don’t you try to improve yourself? Look for a job or any way to earn money. You’re already 38, so your goal should be to become financially stable.
People these days are also practical. For them, it’s important to think about their future and the family they want to build. If you become financially stable, maybe they’ll be the ones to come to you—promise.

[Member]

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