Relationship Advice Forum with April Masini

I Bee-Lieve

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no long term relationship?

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  • February 17, 2010 at 3:47 pm #1358
    relationshipa1
    Keymaster

    April,

    I have been dating this guy for a month and a half. First let me tell you that this guy is going to school with the intention to become a nurse. This is a rigorous program where he would need to keep his GPA up in order to get accepted to the nursing program. Therefore this takes up a lot of his time.

    Recently we had the conversation in which he told me that he felt he would be a really crappy boyfriend since he is going to school and doesn’t have much time to spend with me, but he really enjoys dating me and would like to continue dating me. I told him I understand and that I know school comes first and that I would like to continue dating him too. This all hapended about a week ago.

    This past weekend we had an all day date. It went really well, I didn’t bring up anything about valentines day considering the conversation we had the previous week. The next day in the evening (valentines day) he texted me wondering what I was doing later. I asked why and he said he was making me something. So he comes over and brings me what he made. It turns out he had made me over a dozen long stem chocolate covered strawberries. I thanked him and said I liked them a lot. He spent a couple more hours with me we kissed a bit then he left.

    My question is why tell me he doesn’t want anything long term since he believes he would be a crappy boyfriend, then turn around and go to all these lengths to give me a very awesome and romantic gift?

    Thanks
    -Em

    February 18, 2010 at 1:19 pm #12059
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    Your boyfriend is overly conscientious and wants you to know he’s going to be very busy with school work, but still wants you to know he’s thinking about you even when he’s not with you. He was basically making a pre-emptive strike and telling you what he expects to happen before it does happen: That he can’t wine and dine you for a year and then propose marriage to you. That’s not in his plans. He doesn’t want you to waste your time with him if you’re on a different time schedule than he is.

    He’s being romantic and kind to you because he likes you — he just wants to know if you’re still in the game if it’s a four or five year plan and not a one year plan. But since you’ve only been dating a month or so, he can’t offer you an insurance policy that things will work out after four or five years. What he can tell you for sure is that he isn’t going to be on a one year plan.

    I hope that helps.

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