Should I end it? Please help.

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  • #1747
    veryconfused68
    Participant

    I’m going to try to be short about this, but include the important details. I have been with my boyfriend, off and on, for a little over 3 years. It was really perfect in the beginning, but then I found out he was a pathelogical liar. He lied about everything, from big to small. We were together for 3 months, and then I became pregnant. Through threats and leaving me, he forced me to get an abortion. I never, EVER thought I would do something like that, but I did. I will never do that again. Three months later, I took him back. He professed his love and undying sorrow for what he had done. We were together for a few weeks, and I got pregnant again. He was excited, and so was I. We were suppose to get a house from his grandparents, which fell through. We were together for 8 months. I found out that he was lying to me again. He had said he was leaving everyday for work, but instead was hanging out with old church friends. Two weeks before our daughter was born, he left, and tried to get me to give her up. I almost did…almost. I didn’t, and moved in with my dad. Three months later, he came back. We have been together since then. We had a few fights…where he treated me like less than a human being. He would be horrible to me for a month, then great for three or four. He has a really big issue with women…he thinks that every one of us is like his horrible mother, that abandoned him when he was very small. Yes, I do know that is the truth, because I know this woman and the rest of his family. I had loved him with unwavering strength for the three years we had been “together,” and never once doubted my love…until a few months ago. I finally broke down and couldn’t take his treatment toward me. In April, I had moved out of my dad’s and into my sister’s house, so I could save money. In October, I finally got a place. He moved in with me, and has been here ever since. He is perfect with me. He is sweet, and attentive. He is the best father to our daughter, who worships him. He can’t find a job, and not for lack of trying. I just don’t feel the same way I use to. I constantly wonder if I should break it off, because I have finally seen the light…or if I just feel a lack of love because the stress of barely making ends meet is catching up on me, and I’m just discontent with life in general.
    I know this wasn’t extremely detailed, but I was trying to not write a novel. lol I really need advice. I have mulled it over so many times, but I can’t figure out what to do. Can you help?

    #11011
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    You have to stop thinking of yourself and start thinking of your daughter. Rather than admonish you for mistakes you’ve made, let’s start from where you are now. You’re a single mother with a mentally unstable and unemployed boyfriend who is the father of your daughter, and you’re trying to make ends meet. This is not the time to follow your heart. This is the time to do the right thing for your child and make a stable home for her.

    If your daughter loves her father and he’s doing more than a decent job of being her father, then you have to swallow your feelings right now, and try to make things work with him. It’s a good sign that he’s trying to get a job. Eventually, I trust that he will.

    If you do break up with him, he can file for joint custody of your daughter, and because he is unemployed and you are not, you will most likely end up paying child support to him. Your daughter probably likes having both her parents under one roof, and if you can find a way to muster up all your maturity, then that’s what I suggest you make work — for the sake of your daughter.

    I know it’s not what you wanted to hear, but once you have a child, your own needs are no longer first and foremost. Your child’s are.

    Good luck! 🙂

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