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April Masini.
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May 5, 2010 at 8:23 am #2365
emerson327
ParticipantApril, I have a problem. I do and I don’t trust my wife. I wrote for your advice back in December of 2009 (Tough marriage by emerson327 on Tue Dec 08, 2009 12:18 pm). Things seem to have gotten better. But the main issue is that my wife has (in the past 3 years) started going out with friends on a regular basis (which I do not have a problem with). The problem that I do have is that she is a flirt. And I work second shift, so she does these things while I have to work. I feel betrayed. She recently just had surgery on her back, and I was there to do everything for her and I am still doing everything for her (i.e. laundry, housekeeping, cooking, washing dishes, taking care of the kids). Back in December I wrote to you, and I had found out through her phone text messages that an aquaintance (male) could no longer be around her because he wanted to have sex with her so bad. Her answer to me on that subject was that she flirted with him and didn’t f##k him. I know that I should have trust in our relationship, and I shouldn’t check her phone. But once again I did. And now there is another aquaintance (male) that she met at a conference in another city last year, coming to town. She had texted one of her friends (who I think is a manipulater of situations) that they should go to his hotel room. And that she really wanted to “see what he’s got” (if you know what I mean). She went on to say that they should go together so that he doesn’t think that they are going to “touch it” (her words). I am at a loss at what to do. She gets mad at me because she says that I am uncommunicative, but I am like that because I feel so betrayed. But I can’t tell her that because then she would know that I have been looking through her phone. I am a loving husband and father and I do not want to end my relationship at all. When we got married I became committed to the fact that she is my one and only, but it doesn’t seem like that is true for her. Am I overreacting? Should I just let her do whatever she wants to do? I can’t seem to just be happy.
May 5, 2010 at 2:05 pm #13543April Masini
KeymasterFirst of all, please connect your post to any historical posts you want me to look at in order to advise you. You can go back through the posts and attach your new post the one you reference from 2009. That would help me help you a lot! 😀 As for your current problem, it sounds like the big issue you’re having is that your wife flirts, but doesn’t cross the line, but you don’t like the way other men see her and treat her. It’s gotten to the point where you spy on her texts and other communications from people to make sure she’s not cheating, but the level of flirting is making you feel betrayed.
It sounds like the real problem here is the communication, intimacy and sex life you have with your wife. If things were better you wouldn’t feel so badly about her social life without you. And if that’s right, then there is something you can do to change your behavior. Being a good husband and father in the ways you’ve described are all great, but the bottom line is they’re not working for you. Sometimes letting the housecleaning go, and revving up things in the bedroom will have a much greater payoff in your marriage than doing everything else right, but feeling unloved.
My advice is to turn up your communication skills, baby step by baby step, and work on your relationship with your wife. You may want to start implementing date night with her and having candlelit dinners at home, too. Turn up the romance in the bedroom, and leave her not wanting anything from any one else, if you catch my drift.
😎 I know you’re feeling put out right now, but if you want your wife back and you feel she’s straying from intimacy with you, you have to reel her back in by getting her to want you.Let me know if this resonates for you and if it helps.
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