April Masini Relationship Advice Forum Relationship Advice Forum Am I insecure or is she immature?

Am I insecure or is she immature?

April Masini Relationship Advice Forum Relationship Advice Forum Am I insecure or is she immature?

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  • #5589
    relationshipa1
    Keymaster

    I am 50 years old and am in the best relationship of my life. I adore my new girlfriend and feel she is truly in love with me too. But I have one concern that I am struggling with. Despite us having an incredibly strong attraction to one another and a fantastic sex life, it bothers me that when we go to a get a DVD, she points out that this actor is a “sexy beast” and this one is a “hottie” and the next one is “sexy, sexy.” And when we watch TV, she sees a commercial and says “he’s yummy.” It happens over and over again. She calls me her “Super sexy man,” and everything in our relationship supports that we are both highly attracted to each other and we talk and share everything. I have said things like “He doesn’t do much for me” or “Notice how when we watch tv, I don’t comment on every pretty woman that pops up on the screen?” Truth is, these comments dilute that compliments she gives me. And she has let me know that if Hugh Jackman ever wanted to have sex with her, I’d have to understand. I feel like it is my job to let her know that I think she is the sexiest, most beautiful woman on Earth….because she is to me. Am I just being insecure and should embrace hearing how sexy she finds other men, or are her comments out of line?

    #25194
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    There are hills you just don’t want to die on — in other words, pick your battles, [i]and this is not one of them[/i]. The bottom line is that the two of you are great together. Her comments are annoying you because you want to be the only one she thinks is sexy and hot — but the reality is you’re the only one she’s sleeping with — she’s just someone who admires men openly.

    So what can you do?

    Don’t have “a talk” with her about this. It will just point out the problem. Instead, find your sense of humor on the subject. This requires you really understanding that she’s loyal to you and you have a great sex life. That’s where all good humor starts — a strong sense of self esteem. And then, next time she says something — you can find a way to make it work for you — for instance, if she comments on someone — take a moment to really look at the guy she likes and tell her that he is attractive — would she like it if you wore pants or shorts like he’s wearing? In other words, see what you can adopt from her “likes” in your own life and in your own bedroom.

    And lastly, don’t put too much focus on this. Sometimes when you put attention on an issue, you add fuel to the fire, and if you ignore it, eventually, it goes away.

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