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April Masini, your AskApril.
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December 26, 2013 at 11:58 am #6375
bamz0513
Member #270,661This will be long but I will keep it as short as possible. We met when I was 18 and he was 28…it was love at first sight. We moved in together and he proposed within a year. 2 years from the start we had twins. We split up no real reason other than I was young, pregnant and scared. We continued to see each other but ended up going our separate ways for a couple years during which we both got married to other people. He got a divorce and my husband and I split up. During the time we were with other people he still tried contacting me and even tried to have sex with me. We got back together. Moved back in with each other. And have been together since. He asked me to marry him again but I have to get my divorce. Our sex life was always terrific. Many times a day sometimes but at least once a day. He would get so turned on my how I dressed. Over the years I caught him looking at porn (which I didnt care) and creating personal sites (which he said was when we were mad at each other). 2 years ago my health took a dump. I got in a car accident which resulted in me having back surgery. I started having seizures. For 3 months he waited on me hand and foot while I was on bed rest. Including changing my bed sheets. We still found ways to be intimate as well. About 8 months ago, was when our sex life started deteriorating. He wouldn’t be able to hold an erection during sex and wanted it less and less. He would say its not me its him. Something is wrong with him. He just doesnt get “that feeling” anymore. Well on the 20th we had sex for the first time in 8 months and he didn’t finish. It was nothing like what we normally had. I have mental issues bipolar, paranoia, and anxiety. I really believe he is cheating on me. I don’t know if he is cheating on me sexually or emotionally but I just feel like he is. I know I can get another man but I want him. I always thought we had something most people only dream about. Our love has always been so strong and we have always been so close….seriously like we were one. I love him to death but is it time for me to just move on? He swears up and down that he loves me to death, that I am the only one for him, that I make him happy. I just have a very hard time believing all that. Does anyone have any advice to help me out? Oh I forgot to mention, in April we had major financial issues so he is back at his grandmas house and I am at my fathers. We are “planning” on moving back in with each other and getting married as soon as the money comes. Thank you for your help. I am just so lost and confused. (I am now 30 and he is 40, our twins are 10)
December 26, 2013 at 3:44 pm #28457April Masini, your AskAprilKeymasterIf he’s 40, there’s a good chance that his diminished interest in sex and his inability to “finish” sex is a normal part of aging. I’m not a doctor, but I also know he’s not 18 or even 28 — and he should probably see one to make sure this is just a normal part of his aging process or not. All that said, that’s just something you can suggest — you can’t make him go. As for your question about whether or not to hold on to him or let go, it’s a premature question. It sounds like right now, you’re married to someone else and living with your two children at your father’s house because you have financial challenges. It would be a good idea to focus on getting your divorce, child support and visitation in place, and getting a job, yourself. That should take you at least a couple of months and maybe up to a year, but if you do it, you’ll be in a better situation to assess your relationship with him.
😉 He’s got to get a job and get back on his own two feet, as well, so he can move out of his grandmother’s house, pay child support, and basically get his life back on a better track than it is.Once the two of you do those things, a lot may change. The issues you’re having with work, finances, living situation, etc., are all going to make it tough to assess what’s going on in your love life. It’s a good idea to clean up your side of the street, and THEN decide whether or not to date him, live with him, re-marry, him, etc.
As for 12 years down the drain — I don’t think that’s true. The 12 years brought you to this point and they give you the opportunity to look back, and to look foreword and decide what you want to do differently, or the same. Use the new year to focus on what it is you want to change and who you want to become.
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