I’m a father of two (12yo girl and 7yo boy) with week on/week off joint custody/shared parenting, been divorced for about a year (separated for a year before that). Over the last couple months I’ve been dating a woman (on my “off weeks”), and our relationship has progressed rather quickly; my kids don’t know, and I plan to keep it that way for at least another six months or so – everything is still so new.

Anyway, the woman I’m dating has four children: a 22yo girl by one father, and three boys (19,17,14) by another father who died about five years ago. She was not married to either man, and hadn’t been with the boys’ father for five years prior to his death. Despite this, his death hit her (and the boys) hard, and has not dated since – I’m the first. Because of this, her kids are extremely protective of her, while still working through their own feelings/issues/lives. I want to be sensitive to this family dynamic, and try to convey that I’m not looking to replace anyone, or be anyone’s father; I’m simply looking to spend time with, continue to get to know, and love (yes, we’ve used the word, I said it’s progressed quickly) her as best I can.

There are times I feel like I should talk to these kids, to communicate my intentions; however, part of me also feels like I should just let it go. Could use some advice about this, and anything else in general you feel might be helpful.

Thanks,
~Craig