[JustSomeGuy]

Hi April,

I’m a 37 year old guy, and I’ve never really dated much at all. The only dating I’ve ever done has been through online dating, and I was lucky enough to meet a woman that way, and I had a 6 year relationship with her. Sadly, we broke up almost a year ago. Now I’m trying to get back into the dating world, and I’m trying the online thing again, but I’d really like to be better at doing it the old-fashioned way. Here’s a typical example: I was in a bookstore today, and one of the women working there caught my eye, and so I kind of hung around near where she was shelving books, pretending to read something, but actually trying to figure out what to say to her. Unfortunately, I couldn’t think of anything to say to her that wouldn’t either (a) sound incredibly corny, (b) make me sound like some kind “player” (and a pretty bad one at that), or (c) be so completely vague that she has no clue I’m interested in her (that’s what usually happens on the very rare occasion when I actually get up the nerve to talk to someone.) So eventually I just left, and she was completely oblivious to the fact that I was ever there.
Yes, I have to admit it: I have no “game.”

I’ve already tried the basic suggestions for meeting people: I signed up for a class about something I was particularly interested in, figuring I’d be apt to run into some like-minded people there, but there were no available women (fortunately, the class was interesting, so it wasn’t a lost cause.) I’ve also joined a gym, but to be honest, I’d feel like I’m being a bit annoying if I started hitting on someone while she’s exercising, not to mention that when I’m sweating I don’t feel particularly attractive anyway.

So, do you have any good tips for the next time I see an attractive woman in a store or somewhere? Something that would let her know I’m interested, without making me seem obnoxious/annoying about it?
(I know you wrote that book about dating out of your league, but to be honest, I’d be much happier dating “in my league.” I’m not looking for a super-model or a millionaire heiress, just someone reasonably attractive with a nice personality, whom I feel I could relate to.)
Thanks for any help you can offer!

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

I had to laugh about your Date Out of Your League, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url] comment. 😆 I appreciate your wanting to date in your league — but that doesn’t seem to be working out for you, so consider that you’re actually reaching outside of your league and the book is a very good idea. 😉

It’s affordable and a quick read, so you really should get it. It’s also going to answer the questions you’re asking me, in detail and with a comprehension I can’t provide here. So, buy it! 😀

As for dating after a long-term relationship ended, you have to understand it’s a process — not a quick fix. Stay at it. And if you’re uncomfortable meeting women while they’re working out, then hang out at the juice bar or say hello after they’re done working out and are walking to their car.

You’re doing a lot of things right, so keep doing them and enjoy yourself. Being happy and healthy is contagious, and you’ll pull in the right women. The book will help.

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