[SuperRouge]

Dear April, Thankyou for the wonderful job you’re doing with all the mending of broken hearts.

I have a situation where I need your assistance. I’ll try to explain it in as less words as possible.

Ex and I dated for 5 years (long distance for most part), got engaged in the last 2 years, was waiting studies to be over for marriage. Towards the end of our last year togather, she started meeting another guy (which i came to know only after a year from our breakup). Hence she broke it with me for a silly reason and said that she has changed a lot since we met and that i am not her match no more.

It was first love for both of us, hence it was tough for us to deal with the breakup, i was not willing to accept it. she had wanted to break up several times but the next day she’d come back and we’d be fine. But this was serious. We argued and fought but [i]she developed this habit of calling be every other day[/i].

She’d call me more than twice a week over the phone and few more times online. we’d talk just fine like couples but she’d say, “we’re not couples”. This went on for almost a year or two before she told me she’s engaged with someone else. But at that very week, she asked me if I’d fly with her to a different country for a few weeks as she doesn’t wanna go alone and can’t trust anyone else like she can trust me. So all those things thought she’d come back to me and i kept waiting.

She had told me several times during this 1 odd year that she loves me, and when i ask her if that means we have a chance, she’d say “NO, we’re over.”

Anyways, after her engagement news, i was hoping agains hope that she’d get back with me, however i realized i’ve to stop talking to her and stopped initiation any contact with her. But she never stopped, she’d keep calling for one thing or another at-least once or twice a month at this point, She also started spying me on Facebook and other places with an fake account (which she admitted herself later).

A week prior her marriage she talks to me and says she still loves me so much and no man can make her smile the way I made her smile. Although this new guy isn’t what she wants in her man he has a better profile so she is going to marry him. (She has never been a gold digger. I was her only date/lover before her husband).

I completely went to a no-contact mode after yelling at her for even telling me all that and was devastated. The break up was too hard on me that i had to drop college and went through a lot of mental torture.

Even after her marriage, she’d talk to me via emails, birthday cards, etc… One day I caught her reading our personal emails (she had access to the accounts). Her reasoning was that she was just checking to see if i had moved on. She kept reading our old mails as well look for any new mails from me for months after. One day I told her she still loves me which is why she cant stay away from me or my mails. She got mad and deleted all the mails. ..

Now i thought it was over but. she spoke again after a year now… few days ago she wrote to me and asked if she can talk to me, asked for my phone number, gave compliments to me about how I make her laugh, a lot of stuff. That she has a 2 year old son she’d send me pictures.. And that she wants to talk to me and that she wants my phone number..

[i]As much as i Love this girl to the bones till this day, I also respect her and care for her. I know I will give her pain one way or another if we get back in touch. Either I’ll hurt her by letting her know i am still single unable to cope up with my loss or by letting her have an affair with me and ruin her marriage. So I told her not to call me (with so much pain and tears). I also told her why she shouldn’t call me, that I will say things that’ll not do her any good.

But some of my friends say that I should talk to her and may be she is coming back to me… She will always be welcome back in my life despite the pain and loss she has caused me, however i am not ready to be played again. I would like to know If i made the right choice by asking her not to contact me, or should I let her talk to me and see what is up? [b]Also, why is she doing this? Why does she keep contacting me although she claims she doesn’t love me no more?[/b]
[/i]

Thanking you, Dave

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]I would like to know If i made the right choice by asking her not to contact me, or should I let her talk to me and see what is up? [/quote]

You definitely made the right choice — just make sure you take responsibility for yourself, and don’t YOU contact her, either, even in response to her advances. 😉 There is nothing in this relationship for you, and it will hold you back from finding someone to love and with whom to have a healthy, romantic relationship. 😉

[quote]Also, why is she doing this? Why does she keep contacting me although she claims she doesn’t love me no more?[/quote]

She’s practicing control. She can control you as long as you allow her to (by accepting her communication and staying engaged). She is also avoiding issues in her own life by distracting herself with you (and others).

Focus on YOU! 🙂 She’s made it clear she doesn’t want romance with you — and she’s married someone else. Time for you to cut the cord for good and move on. 😉

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