[quan_]

Me and my ex girlfriend (I’m currently 19 and she is 18) have been broken up for a little over a year now. (She broke it off) I was going through a lot throughout the course of our relationship financially and emotionally, and I guess she couldn’t deal with all my problems. And I don’t blame her, I’m one of those emotional, clingy and needy guys, I admit that, but with all the hurt I’ve experienced in my life I can’t help it. Don’t get me wrong, she stayed there and dealt with my problems for 6 months but I guess she grew fed up, and cut it off. After the break up I made several attempts to get back together but each time I failed and ended up pushing her farther and farther away. So all communication was cut off for about 3 months (not intentionally) just got tired of trying. I never stopped loving her but I just didn’t know how to get through to her. Earlier this year( around February) I initiated contact again, to my surprise we had a decent conversation. (Keep in my that I’m still deeply in love with her at this time) and with the conversation going good and the sensation of talking to her again, I made another failed attempt to get back together and contact stopped once again. Then around April, I contacted her again, this time on more of a friend level (don’t forget I’m still in love wit her at this point too) and things went smoothly until the summer approached and this time it was me who cut off the communication. (Not intentionally, I just became more busy with school). To my surprise, she began contacting me more. So I again felt a sensation and started showing her lots more attention and made an failed attempt to get back together. She began to distance herself again. So I finally agreed to be just friends with her one day (knowing I’m in love with her). And to this day, we text on a friend level. But I want more, help!!!

[AskApril Masini]

What, specifically, do you want help with? If you can tell me something specific that you’re trying to achieve it will focus you, and allow me to help you more productively. 😉 So, clue me in on what it is that’s REALLY bothering you here…..

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[quan_]

I want her to be my girlfriend again. We are on the friend level now but I don’t know what to do. I give her all the attention in the world, make her feel special everyday, but it’s like all my actions are going nowhere. She rarely texts me first and I have to initiate every conversation, and sometimes she replies back hours later. Its like she only notices me when I go a few days without texting her, then she will text me first trying to hold a conversation. Then when I start texting she goes right back to being distant again. I don’t understand this. But I want her back in my life no matter how difficult she may be, I’m willing to deal with that. And also she knows how I feel about her even though we are only friends.

[AskApril Masini]

If you want to date her, then there are a few things you can work on to make yourself more attractive. 😉

First, you describe yourself as someone who has been clingy and needy — those are not very attractive qualities in men, so instead of accepting that about yourself, change it! 😉

Next, get yourself out of the friend zone. Men and women can’t be friends, and when you choose friendship you often close the door on anything else. Stop being her friend, so that it’s very clear you want to date her, and not be a buddy. It will make your life a lot easier because you won’t be second guessing and wasting energy second guessing behavior. 😉

And finally, know that nice guys finish last. Women don’t want a guy who’s basically a doormat. They want someone that other women want, who isn’t always available because, frankly, he’s got a life and great things to do if she’s not available. So focus on your own life, and not on being there for her so much — when you’re not a boyfriend (yet).

I hope that helps. It sounds simple, but I’m very aware that it’s a lot to work on. 😉

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[quan_]

Thank you, that really gave me a clear understanding, and that explains why she always shows more attention when I show less attention. I’ve heard many expert say the same thing you said so there must be truth to it. I will start bettering myself and focusing more on my own happiness, and less about her.

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome. Good luck!

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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

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