[atmosphere1]

My girlfriend broke up with me last week,sue to difficult family circumstances.She had phoned me crying about the day before.
The problem is she has a very young daughter to someone else,which was not too much of a problem,but now her sister is moving away and she has dumped her young son on her parents and she has to help with that now too and her parents are also having relationship problems because of this now.

I really don’t know what to do as I would obviously like her back, but any talk of it angers her at the moment.
I have also said I will wait, but she says it’s unfair on me to have me hanging around waiting,when she does not know how long it could take.
we were together around 4 months and fell in love after a couple,she has told me this is breaking her heart,but she can’t cope just now with a relationship.

We are in contact still and she will text me throughout every single day and I have seen her a few times since and it was like we were still together with the kissing and touching etc.

I thought this might have been excuse at first but she is actually in a bad situation at the moment.
I have heard all this stuff about no conatact, but she also seems genuinely upset and in a mess and she seems to want to be in touch constantly for support,but at the same time, she is pushing me away. She has said maybe we can be together again and if her situation was different she would not be doing this , but it’s just not right to have me dangling and waiting.
I feel happy at the moment to give her time, its just hard top speak to her about it just now.

how should I handle this?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your girlfriend has a lot on her plate right now, and she told you she’s decided she doesn’t want to date you because she doesn’t have time for a relationship. I don’t think she’s making an excuse for not liking you. I think she is sincerely overwhelmed. However…. she is an adult and it’s her decision to break up with you so she can devote her energy to her problems.

That said, it really sounds like she wants your support, but that your support isn’t compartmentalized. You are a whole person, and it’s going to be very hard for you to support her, but not have the relationship you want in return. So, my advice is to tell her that you love her so much that it’s too painful for you to be there sometimes, and not others. Tell her that you understand she has a tremendous burden dumped on her suddenly, and that she needs time to decide how to handle things, but that you want to continue to have a complete relationship with her — not just be a shoulder for her to cry on when she needs you — because you need her, too. Tell her that she may or may not have relationships in her past where the guy sticks with her through good times and bad, but that you want to be that person for her — and you want her to be that person for you. If she’s game, you’ll be there, but if not, you need to move on.

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[atmosphere1]

Ok thanks. I have tried to say that, but she says that she cannot think about it just now. There is just too much going on and if my situation was different I would not be doing this. I have started to move on and told her not contact me and maybe let me know how she is in a few months, as it is unfair on me,but she did contact me again 3 days later. Am I best to move on and just let her tell me if she feels any better in a while?

[atmosphere1]

Also when I first explained how I felt about waiting in a message. she said I made her smile and next time I should say it to her face.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like moving on is the best thing for you. Rather than expect her to impose boundaries that will help you do so, make sure you be in charge of the boundaries that will help you move on. If she contacts you, you should ignore it. This sends both of you the message that you’re moving on, and are not staying in a relationship that isn’t right for you.

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[atmosphere1]

Thank you, but what if I think she is worth waiting for?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you want to wait for her, then of course, you can — I’m just giving you my advice, but you don’t have to take it. However, I would never recommend waiting for someone who is so clear that she doesn’t want a relationship with you.

You haven’t mentioned what, specifically, her problems are that are keeping her from dating you, and why they’re a problem now, but haven’t been for the last four months. In other words, she may just be using her situation as an excuse to let you down easily because she doesn’t want to tell you that you’re just not her cup of tea. When people decide to break up, they don’t always tell the truth about why they’re breaking up with you because they don’t want to hurt your feelings, so sometimes they blame the break up on their circumstances, or themselves. She may be doing that.

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[atmosphere1]

she has said it has become a problem now because of the suddenly bad situation with her parents and she suddenly has more responsibility than she thought she did have and can’t cope. I don’t know if it is an excuse, but it is true that would couldn’t see each other too often because of this and she hardly has time to go out and that she wanted to do things with me, but it’s not fair,because she has too many ties.

[atmosphere1]

She did also tell me 2 days before the breakup, that she didn’t think I liked her as much she liked me and she wanted a serious relationship with me. Then this happened out of the blue, it’s just too confusing.

[atmosphere1]

Thanks for the advice. I have decided I should move on,I will not be messed about

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good idea. 😉

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