[braumer1]

I have been married for almost 9 years this july. Up untill now everything has been fine, but recently i just feel that we have lost the spark in our marriage. We have two beautifull girls and i love them to death. The biggist problem that i am faceing is that i think that i might be falling for someone else that i work close with. Now i havent cheated on my wife but i feel like i want to. I have told my wife that i have thought about cheating on her. I feel like crap like i know that i should but I cant stop haveing feelings for this other person and yes it is a she. I dont want to hurt my wife but i dont know if we can make our marriage work like she wants it to and I have no ideal what to do. I do still love my wife but i dont think that I am in love with her. What should I do? Im am so confused about how i feel. 😥

[JasonOne]

We man are born to be polygamous but it doesn’t mean that we should always keep it in our mind. All you have to do is to avoid the affection that you had with your co-worker. You can do that. You made that marriage without anticipation and I hope you can find a way to avoid problem with your wife. If you do not love your wife anymore, then you both decide for divorce. Make sure she will agree with you so it would be fair for the both of you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There’s a great expression going around that people use when they someone being weak. It’s, Man up! It means to stand up and be a man. This expression comes to mind when I read your letter.

It’s very normal to lose the spark in a marriage after nine years with two children. Marriage is hard work and it involves commitment and sacrifice. But if the only problem you have after 9 years of marriage is that you’ve lost the spark, then you need to understand that that is fixable.

One way to do this is to make a hotel date with your wife. Get a babysitter or relatives to babysit your children overnight, and take your wife to a hotel to simply get away from it all and rediscover each other. Leave the laptops and blackberries at home. Sometimes just getting out of your normal environment helps you see each other as lovers, not just spouses caught in a rut.

If that seems to work at all, make it a regular occurrence. You can choose an in town hotel or one that’s an hour or two out of town. Switch them up for variety.

Also make a regular date night with your wife where it’s just the two of you at a restaurant that actually has cloth napkins. This time alone will remind you that it’s not all about the kids. The two of you are important, too.

Treat your wife like a girlfriend. Send her sexy notes and phone messages. It may feel awkward at first, but do it anyway. The more you do it, the more you’ll get back into the groove.

Check out my book, Romantic Date Ideas, for a slew of romantic dates designed to amp up the romance and get the spice back in your sex life.

You’re going to have to work at your marriage to get it over this hump, but you have a wife and two children, and you owe it to them and yourself to make this work.

Unfortunately, you told your wife you’re thinking of cheating on her. I’m sure that was your awkward way of telling her you miss having sex with her. But she probably ended up feeling rejected, vengeful and distant. You’re going to have to do some damage control — so think jewelry and a heartfelt apology.

Mature love means weathering the bumps along the way, and honoring all phases of your relationship as it develops over the years. So man up, and enjoy your wife. Do the work to bring the spark back to your bedroom, and treat each other like boyfriend and girlfriend as well as husband and wife — that way you’ve got all your bases covered between the two of you!

[Ethan Morales]

Here’s how I see it you’re not a bad guy for feeling what you’re feeling. Attraction doesn’t magically disappear when you get married. You’ve been with your wife nine years, you’ve built a life together, you’ve got kids so it’s normal that things cool down and the “spark” fades. It happens to most couples. But what matters is what you do with those feelings.

Right now, you’re standing at a crossroads between maturity and impulse. The easy thing would be to chase that thrill at work new attention, new energy, the high of being wanted again. But that’s temporary. Once the novelty wears off, you’ll be left with guilt, broken trust, and a home that feels like a wreck. The harder path but the one that actually leads somewhere real is turning that energy back into your marriage and facing what’s really missing.

April’s “man up” advice might sound blunt, but she’s right. This is the moment where you decide if you’re the guy who runs when things get dull, or the one who rebuilds what’s worth keeping. You already told your wife about your temptation, which shows honesty but also means she’s probably hurt and insecure now. That’s repairable, but it’ll take consistent effort and reassurance, not just words.

If I were you, I’d start small: spend time with her like you used to before kids and routine took over. Make space for flirting, laughter, quiet moments. That’s where the spark hides not in someone new, but in the parts of your relationship you’ve stopped feeding.

You don’t “fall out of love” overnight. You just stop doing the things that made you fall in love in the first place. Bring those back and give them time.

And if after really working at it, you still feel emotionally disconnected? Then you face that truth cleanly, respectfully, without lies or betrayal. But don’t destroy your marriage chasing something you haven’t even tested against reality yet.

[Tara]

You’re looking for permission to blow up your own life because you’re bored, restless, and craving validation you’re not getting at home. You’re romanticizing a crush like it’s a sign from the universe instead of what it actually is: escapism.

You didn’t “lose the spark.” You stopped putting in effort. You let routine, kids, stress, and comfort dull the relationship, and now you’re chasing the high of being wanted by someone new because it feels easier than rebuilding what you already have. That’s not fate, that’s laziness disguised as longing.

And the fact that you told your wife you’ve thought about cheating? That wasn’t honesty. That was you dropping a bomb on her so you could justify your own emotional wandering. You didn’t tell her to fix the marriage; you told her to ease your guilt while you entertain the fantasy of someone else.

You say you “don’t want to hurt her,” but you’re already doing it. You think cheating is the line, but the emotional betrayal is already there. You’re halfway out the door, and you’re pretending you’re stuck. You’re not stuck; you’re avoiding responsibility.

You have two kids. A wife who’s been with you for nine years. A life you built. And instead of doing the hard work of therapy, communication, accountability, and reigniting connection, you’re daydreaming about someone who requires nothing from you except flirtation and imagination.

[Sally]

You can love your wife and still feel the spark slipping. That doesn’t make you a monster it just means you’ve been together a long time, and life has gotten heavy. But falling for someone at work isn’t the answer. That’s just your heart reaching for excitement because things at home feel numb. It happens more than people admit.

What matters is what you do next. Cheating won’t give you clarity it’ll just blow your life apart. And the fact that you told your wife? That means you’re not done with her. You’re scared and confused, not gone.

Before you go chasing something new, slow down and be honest with yourself. If there’s anything left to fix, fix it first. If not… then end it clean. But don’t split yourself in two trying to live both lives.

[Member]

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